


A Small Town Summer

by dreamertechie



Category: Big Bang (Band), GTOP (Band)
Genre: AU, Awkward First Times, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:13:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 72,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3791113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamertechie/pseuds/dreamertechie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When life in the city was getting too much for him to handle, Jiyong decided to take the summer off and spend it with his grandparents like he used to as a kid. However when he gets there he remembers the boy next door to his grandparents house and soon his summer seems like it will be more crazy than the life he left behind in the city.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Light in the Workshop

The gravel from the driveway crunched under the weight of the car that was pulling up to the brick house with the screened in porch. The driver put the car in park and slowly took his time getting out of the car. He looked around, taking in all the smells and sounds that reminded him of his childhood summers; the fresh smell of grass, the crickets and other bugs out in the pasture, and the distinct smell of delicious food cooking. His stomach grumbled at the scent.

"Man, it's good to be back," he said to himself. He looked around and saw that the scenery had changed a bit, but it was the kind of change that only happened due to the passing of time. Things seemed different but not unfamiliar; like the small amount of clutter on the porch or the weeds growing in the garden.

"Jiyong, is that you?" a voice called from the side door of the house.

Opening the creaking screen door to the porch, Jiyong answered, "Yes Grandma it's me!"

In less than 5 seconds, a tiny old woman with frizzy grey hair wrapped up in a bun busted through the door wearing an apron while carrying a giant ladle in her hand. She threw herself up against her tall grandson and said, "Oh, honey it is so good to see you! My how you've grown!"

Jiyong chuckled as his grandmother basically squeezed the life out of him. "It's great to see you too Grandma."

"Dear are you eating alright? You feel like skin and bones!"

"Yes Grandma. I'm eating just fine, but you know that I've always been skinny."

"Oh I guess you're right... but oh, I'm just so glad you're here and you made the trip safe and sound. Now let’s get into the house and so you can say hello to your grandfather, he should be in the living room." Jiyong smiled as he hugged his grandmother tightly one last time before detaching himself to make his way inside.

He walked up the steps and opened the side door that led into the dining room and kitchen and the smell from earlier filled his nose. "Grandma whatever you're cooking, it smells amazing."

"Well I had to fix something special for my only grandson who hasn't visited in 6 years. It's your favorite, fried chicken with cream styled corn and macaroni and cheese and it should be done here any minute."

Jiyong laughed. "Grandma, that was when I was like 8." 

"But it's still your favorite. I know my grandson and his taste never changes when it comes to my cookin'," she said, her southern drawl making itself more pronounced.

He wrapped his arm around the side of the smaller woman and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah you're right. I could never get tired of your cooking."

"That's what I thought. Now," she took the ladle that was still in her hand and lightly batted at his behind, "go in there and see your Grandfather," she said and pointed to the doorway next to the stove. Jiyong nodded. He stepped towards the direction she pointed and heard the creaking floorboards beneath his weight as he walked into the living room.

Standing in the doorway, he saw the back of the recliner that was occupied by an old man who was too caught up in reading a book to notice that he had another person in the room with him.

Jiyong walked around to the front of the chair and kneeled next to the man. "Pops, it's me Jiyong." The man still was oblivious, so he spoke again but louder this time. "Pops, it's Jiyong. I just got here."

The old man looked to sound that pulled him from his book and his face broke out into a gentle smile, the wrinkles that covered his face becoming more defined. "Jiyong, my boy. You're here." Jiyong noticed that his grandfather’s voice was rather loud for someone who was sitting right in front of him.

"Yeah, I just got into town."

"What?" the old man's face scrunched up in confusion as he cupped his ear.

"I just got into town."

"Oh Jiyong wait," he set his book down and reached over to the small table that was next to his chair and grabbed something, then put his hand back up to his ear. "Say that again. I didn't have my hearing aid in."

"I just got into town, Pops." He said with a hint of laughter in his voice. He remembered his mother saying that the old man had started a habit of taking out the hearing device so he wouldn't have to listen to the random mumblings of his grandmother.

"It's good to see you. Did you have a safe drive?"

"Yes, but I'm a little worn out."

"Dinner's ready. Come and get it," His grandmother yelled from the kitchen.

"Well let’s see what your Grandmother is cooking so you can eat and then you can go to bed. We have all summer to catch up." he said patting Jiyong on the arm and then stood up, leading the way back to the kitchen with his grandson following his footsteps.

The food his Grandmother had cooked tasted extra delicious. Maybe it was because he had just spent 15 hours driving or the fact that he hadn't tasted it in 6 six years, but whatever the reason, he savored every bite. He could feel that this summer was going to be a nice change from his crazy life back home in the city.

These past couple of years had taken their toll on him, with school becoming stressful and his job even more demanding, he decided that he needed to take some time off before his last year of school started. His mother had said that his grandparents had been asking for him to visit for some time now and after some thought he decided that he should spend the summer with them like he used to when he was a kid.

The first year he visited them, he was 9 years old and he was terrified of being away from his parents and leaving the comfort of the city to go spend a couple weeks off in the countryside. But once he got there he soon realized that his grandparents had a lot of things that could interest any 9 year old boy. There was a creek down the road that he would try and catch frogs, at night he would try and catch fireflies. His grandfather would take him fishing at least once a week and he even taught him how to shoot a gun. Which his mother wasn't too thrilled with when she found out after that summer had ended. But his grandfather replied with, "I just want the boy to have the 'All American Experience' is all."

"Dad, he's already a second generation American. He was born here, but that doesn't mean that he needs to go around carrying guns."

"Oh who cares, we had fun didn't we Jiyong?" His grandfather looked down at him and the boy smiled back up, nodding his head. "See that's all that matters to me."

Jiyong's mother rolled her eyes and just let the matter be. She knew full well her father's obsession with the American country life. He had been that way ever since he was in his early twenties because he had made friends during the Korean War from America that told him stories of life back home. After the war, he decided that since his family was gone he would make a new life in America, so he followed his American friends and made a home for himself in a small town in Tennessee. He fell in love with an American woman who worked at the small diner by his house and after wooing her with his foreign charm, they were married and had 3 kids within 5 years.

Jiyong's mother, who was never found of living in a small town moved to Atlanta when she entered college and actually met a Korean who she fell in love with and later married. And thats how Jiyong came about. His dad kept some of the traditions of Korean culture from his childhood and wanted Jiyong to know his cultural background, but he mostly lived the typical American life.

He reminisced his childhood memories as he looked at pictures that lined the hallway leading down to the bedrooms. He saw a family portrait of him, his sister and their parents. There were also pictures of his aunts, uncles and cousins, along with pictures of his grandparents in Korea during their honeymoon. It warmed his heart to see how much in love his grandparents were, and still are despite them fighting over the littlest things. Looking at the old pictures made Jiyong feel at home and let his fingers trace the patterns on some of the wood frames, feeling the grain.

"Honey, what'cha doin just standing there?"

His grandmother's voice pulled him from his memories and he turned to look at her. "I'm just looking at yours and pop's old pictures. He sure was lucky to marry such a beautiful girl."

She smiled at him. "No... I was the lucky one. He was so handsome and unlike anything I had ever seen before. He swept me off my feet." Jiyong chuckled, but then a yawn came over him. "Why are we talking about the past. You've had an eventful day. Get yourself to bed and we can talk tomorrow."

"Yes grandma," he said making his way down the rest of the hallway towards the bedroom that she had made up for him, just like when he was a kid. He went to his bags that he had gotten out of the car after dinner and pulled out a pair of pajamas for the night. Pausing for a second before he started changing, he thought that it would be better if he took a shower. So pulling out his shampoo as well he went to the bathroom.

 

~

 

When he climbed out of the tub, he grabbed the towel that hung underneath the window. However, what he didn't notice when he first walked into the room was that the window was open. The window was on the back of the house and from there he could see out into the pasture, so the only worry he had was maybe scaring the neighbors horses because they were the only ones that could honestly look in.

He wrapped the towel around his waist and went to grab another for his hair when something else out the window caught his eye. Down where his grandfather's workshop was, the light was on. Quickly drying off he threw on his pajamas and opened the bathroom door calling out his nickname for the old man. "Pops? Pops you there?"

"Jiyong what’s wrong?" he heard the old man answer from his usual spot in the living room. He seemed to be finishing the book he was reading when Jiyong arrived.

"I saw the light on in you workshop. You want me to go turn it off?"

"Oh no it's probably Seunghyun. My truck's been acting up lately so he said he would take a look at it when he had time."

"Seunghyun?" Jiyong asked. The name rolling off his tongue like his mouth was filled with sand.

"Surely you didn't forget about Seunghyun since you've been away. You two used to be inseparable during your summers here."

"N-no... I didn't forget him." Jiyong stuttered. "I um... I thought he would've gone off to college."

"No, he decided that after high school he wanted to help his father run the farm since the man who used to help them moved away."

"Oh..."

"Yep now he does all sorts of odd jobs around town. He's a good man," his grandfather continued but Jiyong was still stuck on the fact that Seunghyun was still here in this small town. "Well its gettin late. Let’s go to bed now, what do you say?"

Jiyong was still lost in his thoughts of Seunghyun as his grandfather pushed him towards the bedroom. As he walked over to his bed he made sure to take another look out his window to see the workshop, but the light was off this time. His heart started beating faster as he thought about the last summer he spent here when he was 16 and how the boy next door had left his mark on him forever. And how he was the one person he was scared most of seeing again.


	2. Scorch Marks

One thing Jiyong would have to get used to being back in the countryside was the fact that even if you set your alarm clock for a certain time, a rooster would always wake you up at the crack of dawn. He must have left his window open last night after he looked at the workshop because the crowing bird sounded like it was inside his room. Sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he cursed the stupid poultry but decided that he might as well wake up.

Walking down the darkened hallway he took note that his grandparents were still asleep. So being extra quiet he made his way into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. Once it was done, he took the steaming cup outside to the porch.

Jiyong loved his grandparents porch. Even as a 22 year old he still thought it was huge. It had at least 6 chairs lined up along all sides, a table in the middle, and a fridge in the corner that keeps drinks and snacks for company. The actual brick walls of the porch only came up to about his knee and the rest was made up of screen mesh that reached to the top of the roof. But what he loved the most about the porch was wooden swing that his grandfather had built many years ago. It was big enough to fit 3 people and Jiyong could remember countless times he had spread out across it. It was the perfect thing to sit and enjoy the nature around him, and even though it was the middle of summer, here in this small town the weather felt like a crisp spring morning.

He heard birds chirping merrily in the distance as well as the horses out in the pasture. Standing in the middle of the open space, he saw the green field that was between his grandparents house and the barn. It was so beautiful, seeing all the different colors that he could never really see in the city, it made him appreciate this place even more. His eyes moved from the barn and wandered towards the direction of his grandfather’s workshop, but before he could think about the light that was on the previous night, a noise caught his attention. Turning towards the neighbors house he saw a tall figure walk down the front steps of the house and get into one of the pick-up trucks that was in the driveway. He couldn’t really see who the person was because there was quite a few yards in between the houses, but the voice behind him revealed who it was.

"That Seunghyun boy," he nearly jumped out of his skin at his grandmother's sudden appearance, spilling some of his coffee that he had yet to drink. "He's always up at the earliest hours so he can get to work."

"Grandma!" Jiyong turned to face the older woman as his heart tried to get back to a normal rhythm. "When did you wake up?"

"Oh just a few minutes ago, but why are you up so early honey?"

"Your rooster woke me up."

The older woman chuckled. "Well let’s get you inside and get you some breakfast."

Jiyong's face lit up. "Can you make biscuits and gravy?"

"Anything for my boy, now get," she said as she pushed him towards the side door, "it's chilly out here. I don't want you catching a cold on your first day with us."

After about half an hour, Jiyong's grandfather woke up and made his way into the kitchen. "Mmm smells good dear," he said as he kissed his wife on the cheek. Jiyong watched the sweet exchange from the kitchen table, wishing that someday he could find someone to share that kind of moment with. He has always been a sucker for romance but he had yet to find that special person that made his heart flutter. Well... that wasn't entirely true. He had found one person, but he had made it very clear that he didn't feel the same way. As he thought about said person, he looked through the window and over to the house next door, thinking about how he was going to be next to him all summer long.

"Still tired Jiyong?"

His grandfather's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Hmm?"

"You seemed to be sleeping at the table."

"Oh... yeah..." he looked away from the house across the way and glanced down to his empty cup of coffee. "I think I need another cup. Do you want one Pops?"

"Can't, doctor’s orders. The old ticker can't handle as much caffeine as it used too." He replied as he patted the area over his heart. Jiyong nodded in understanding and then made his way over to the coffee pot.

His grandmother announced breakfast was ready as she moved the cooked food from the stove to the table and as soon as Jiyong saw it, his mouth started watering. I'm going to gain so much weight this summer, he thought but as he tasted the first bite of the creamy sausage gravy he threw those thoughts out the window. Screw it, I don't care if I gain 100 pounds, it's gonna be totally worth it.

After breakfast he helped clean up and then went into the living room. His grandfather was reading the newspaper while his grandmother rested in her chair for a bit, the morning already taking energy out of her. They sat in silence. Something that Jiyong wasn't really used too. His grandmother opened her eyes and looked at him, smiling. He then realized that despite the unfamiliarity of this type of silence, it was comforting. Knowing that people didn't have to use words for others to know that they appreciated their presence in a room.

Maybe hours passed, maybe minutes. Jiyong didn't know which, but after some time the older woman reached down on the other side of her chair where he couldn't see and pulled out a pair of knitting needles that were attached to a colorful bundle of yarn. Seeing where she left off in the pattern, she picked it back up and started asking Jiyong about his life and what's happened since he last visited.

He told her about how after graduating high school he went to a good university. He made a nice circle of friends and how his first year and a half was pretty good, but things started getting hard. For some reason he couldn't find interest in any of the classes he was taking and because of that his grades started slipping. By the end of the 2nd year his grades had completely plummeted and he ended up losing his state scholarship. When that happened he fell into a bit of a depression. He didn't understand the point of school anymore especially if he was majoring in something that really didn't interest him. He talked to a school advisor about potentially dropping out, but when he left her office that day they had figured out that with a little extra effort he could switch majors.

So that's how he went from an Art History major to a Graphic Design major. He had revealed to the advisor that one of his hobbies was creating things in Photoshop for fun. She asked to see some of the stuff he had made and then asked if it would be ok to send some of his prints to the Graphics professor; he agreed. Within a week she had called him back asking if he could come down to the office to fill out the paperwork for officially switching majors; he had been accepted.

He was thrilled and never truly realized that a simple hobby of his could turn into out to be something he could do for a career. However, he still needed money to pay for the classes. Finding a part time job over the summer, he worked his ass off and by the time school started back up he had enough money to pay for the semester. Although becoming a graphics major was a much better improvement for him, he soon realized that he was way behind the other students. He really did enjoy classes more and his friends saw that he was slowly becoming the bright person they knew, but he still felt so much pressure to try and succeed.

He had always strived for perfection and when he thought he had caught up with the rest of his classmates, they were already moving on to the next lesson and project. He just couldn't get a break. It was like running a marathon every day but once he saw the finish line it transformed into another marathon. And after what seemed like 10 different marathons, he was physically and mentally drained.

"I passed all my finals but I feel like I just need to take a breather, Grandma." he confessed to the older woman who had added what looked like 2 feet's length of knitting to whatever she was making. Pausing her hands, she looked over to her grandson and said, "Well I hope that this summer will be all that you want it to be dear. I'm so happy that you're here, but you know you can always ask us for help if you ever need money for school. I don't want my grandbaby to have any worries, ya here."

Jiyong chuckled, "Thanks Grandma, that means a lot," he said as he rested his head on the back of the couch. Talking about all that's happened to him made him feel like he had run his 11th marathon. He was worn out and before he knew it, he eyes started closing on their own.

 

~

 

His first week had passed in a daze. Jiyong would run errands with his grandparents, in case the needed his help with anything and of course in a town as small as this one, people had heard he was back. He lost count of the number of times he answered how old he was now, if he had a girlfriend, how his parents were doing; you know the typical thing that everyone of his grandparents friends wanted to know.

Most days he would sit around the house without a care in the world and he couldn't be more content. Some mornings, he would get up before the rooster crowed and make his way out to the porch with a cup of coffee. He would tell himself that the reason behind his actions was that he enjoyed the fresh morning air, but his heart would always betray him everytime he heard the door next door close and the engine of the blue pick-up truck start up. The beating in his chest made him feel something that he had totally forgotten that he could actually feel. It was like an addiction he had forgotten about. The racing heart beat, the sweaty palms. But all of it would be over as soon as the blue vehicle disappeared over the the crest of the hill.

He wished he had the courage to go over and at least say hello to him and his family. They did basically become his second family when he was growing up. He remembered how when he was 12, he asked the Cook's if they could adopt him too like they had adopted Seunghyun, saying that it would be even better to have two Korean sons. It always got a laugh, but deep down in his young heart, he meant every word.

Seunghyun had become the one person that Jiyong wanted to be around 24/7 during his summers. Every June, on the day he knew Jiyong would be coming into town, Seunghyun would wait all day on his front porch. And despite their 2 year age difference, they were always up to something; whether it was playing out in the woods, making a fort when Jiyong was 10 and Seunghyun 12. Or going down to the creek everyday when Jiyong was 13. That summer his grandmother had scolded him something awful after he came back one afternoon with the worst sunburn she had ever seen. But even when he was getting yelled at the boys looked to each other and smiled, remembering all the fun they had that day.

Jiyong didn't want to think about the later years after that. It was the time that things started changing in their friendship. And neither of them would have guessed that after all they had shared, it was like they were strangers now.

~

 

"Jiyong can you go down to the my shop and grab my tackle box. I want to go through it and make sure we have everything for tomorrow's fishing trip."

"Yeah sure thing Pops," Jiyong replied, making his way down to the workshop. He looked around and saw one of the Cook's horses trotting around, getting one last run in before the sun set. The colors of the sky were quickly changing shades as the bright star started to disappear behind the trees in the distance. Walking into the workshop the distinct smell of sawdust greeted him and he sneezed as he felt the tickle of said saw dust go up his nose. But his sneezing fit was muted with a loud bang that came from underneath his grandfather’s old truck, followed by even louder cursing.

"Shit! Fuck!"

Jiyong jumped back, now that the piss had officially been scared out of him, and watched as a person wheeled out from underneath the truck on a dolly. His breath caught in his throat as soon as the figure stood up, towering over him while rubbing his head.

Seunghyun was standing right in front of him, with a wrench in the hand that wasn't currently assuaging some sort of pain on his forehead. The man, as Jiyong took note was wearing tight ripped up old jeans and a wife beater, but what he couldn't figure out was what had more grease stains on them, the clothing or Seunghyun.

The older man eventually opened his eyes and realized who had startled him. "O-oh... Jiyong..."

A shiver ran up the younger man's spine. Wow, his voice has really gotten deeper, he thought.

They stood in awkward silence for a bit. Jiyong didn't know where to look, because he went from the man's face that had a grease smudge underneath his left eye, to the other grease smudge that was on his right arm. But when his eyes fell on the arm he took note of how defined those arms really were, which then made his eyes wander to the white fabric that stretched across the man's broad chest showing his built form; again covered in grease stains. Damn he has really grown up.

"S-sorry for scaring you. I didn't know you were in here," he said after he realized that he had been staring at the man in front of him for too long. "I just need to grab Pops' tackle kit." He looked around the shop until his eyes landed on the brown and green box. He quickly walked over, grabbed it and then started to make his way back outside. However a strong hand reached out and stopped him before he crossed the threshold.

"Hey Jiyong wait..."

He stilled but didn't turn around.

"I uh... um... it's good to see you." Seunghyun said in his deep voice, but Jiyong could hear a nervousness underneath. "I've been meaning to come over and say hello, but I've been pretty busy."

Jiyong turned to face the man that spoke to him. His voice seemed to be stuck in his throat because he wanted to pretend like this chance encounter meant nothing to him. However deep down he felt like he was on fire and the ignition point was where Seunghyun's hand held onto his wrist. Swallowing, and in his best nonchalant voice he could muster, he said, "It's good to see you too Seunghyun." And then he pulled his arm free as he left to go give his grandfather the box of fishing gear. He wanted to turn back and get a second look at Seunghyun but every muscle in his body refused to listen to him.

When he walked into the porch and handed the kit to the old man, only then did he notice the black stain on his wrist left by the man in the workshop. He halfheartedly laughed as he thought how much it looked like a scorch mark on his skin after he felt like Seunghyun was about to make him catch fire just from touching him. He made his way into the house and stuck his hand underneath the faucet, washing the smudge away. As he watched the water turn black from the grease he wished that he could just as easily wash away all the feelings that came rushing back to him the moment he laid eyes on Seunghyun.


	3. The Bait

"Rise and shine! We leave in half an hour."

Jiyong groaned at the booming voice that was behind his door. He rolled over onto his stomach and cracked open one of his eyes. It wasn't even light outside so why on earth would his grandfather be up?

"Come on boy, I wanna catch my first fish before 8."

Oh right... the fishing trip.

Burying his head in his pillow, he whined to himself that he wanted to sleep more because he kept on tossing and turning all night due to dreams that he couldn’t even remember.

"Don't make me send your grandmother in there after you!" The old man threatened.

Jiyong jumped out of his bed in a flash, throwing on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and grabbing his sneakers as he busted through his door.

He heard a laughter coming from down the hallway. "Thought that'd do the trick. Come on we're almost done loading the truck.

" 'We're?' But Grandma never used to come with us," Jiyong said as he hopped through the house putting on his shoes.

"Who are you kidding, she can barely cook a fish let alone catch one. No my boy," they had made their way to the side door and as his grandfather opened it he finished his sentence, "Seunghyun's coming with us."

Jiyong's jaw physically dropped and he almost stumbled down the brick steps as he saw the older man loading things into the bed of his grandfathers pick-up truck. The same truck that Jiyong saw him working on the previous day.

Before Seunghyun could look in his direction, Jiyong composed himself. "I thought your truck was broken Pops?"

"Well I had the best mechanic in town fix it all up just in time for our fishing trip." the old man replied as he made out of the porch and stood next to Seunghyun, patting the him on the shoulder.

"I'm nowhere close to being the best machine in town sir," Seunghyun replied. Jiyong noticed that he had yet to look up at him.

"Well you fixed it didn't you? As far as I'm concerned, that’s all that counts."

A slight quirk of the lips graced Seunghyun's face.

"But why is he coming with us?" Jiyong blurted out before he could stop himself; later on he would blame it on not having his morning coffee yet.

The expression fell from the older boy's face.

"Because I invited him," his grandfather gave him a strange look before he continued on, "and also because unless you know how to work a boat hitch, we wouldn't get that thing in the water." He finished by pointing at the small boat that Jiyong was just noticing was attached to his grandfather's truck.

"Plus it's gonna be good to spend a day with you boys like I used too you when ya'll were kids."

Jiyong swallowed thickly, his guilt almost catching in his throat. His grandfather must have been waiting for this day for a long time. To spend time with him again even if there was a guest he wasn't expecting. He decided to just ignore elephant in the room and give all his attention to his grandfather today. He didn't want to spoil his grandfather's happy attitude with his now irritated one.

"Almost forgot, let me run back into the house really fast. I left my hat on the table." The old man said as he turned to go back inside.

Jiyong felt eyes on the back on his head and carefully he turned to see that Seunghyun was staring at him with an expression he couldn't read. He didn't have the patience to talk with the man so he just climbed up into the truck and waited for them to leave.

However his silence was soon interrupted when Seunghyun came over to the door and leaned against the open window ledge.

"Jiyong, can we talk?"

The younger man took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, "It's too early in the morning for this Seunghyun."

"But later?"

"Look," Jiyong swiftly turned his head to speak to him directly, "I don't really want to talk... at all. It's been 6 years. We're not kids anymore. We've grown up... we're different people."

"But Jiyo-"

"I just want to spend the day with my grandfather, who I haven't seen in a very long time, and go fishing. That's it."

Again an expression passed over the man's face that he couldn't read.

"I understand..." replied Seunghyun, so softly that Jiyong almost didn't hear it.

"Okay boys, let's get goin'," Jiyong heard his grandfather say while he walked out of the house wearing his old fishing hat with all sorts of bobs and hooks on it. "Seunghyun, is the boat secured good?"

"Yes sir," he called out, but Jiyong could still feel his gaze on him.

"Well then hop on in."

Jiyong wasn't really paying attention to the conversation. He was still trying to think of how he could avoid Seunghyun for the rest of the day, but the man's deep voice broke his train of thoughts.

"Um... Jiyong... Can you scoot over so I can get it?"

Jiyong looked to his right where Seunghyun was standing outside waiting to get in and then quickly looked to his left to see his grandfather climbing into the driver's seat.

Are you freaking kidding me, he thought and rolled his eyes as he scooted over, as close to his grandfather as possible. But still it was a small cab with all three of them in there and no matter how much he didn't want Seunghyun there, the older man was pressed right up against him.

 

~

 

As soon as his grandfather turned onto exit 25 from the highway, Jiyong knew exactly where they were going for this all so secretive fishing trip. He knew he should have suspected something was different about this trip when his grandfather kept on dodging his questions about their little excursion for the past two days. He figured that the old man wanted to keep it a surprise for him.

Jiyong had only been there three times in all the summers that he spent with his grandparents and honestly it kind of excited him to be going there. This place was tucked away on the other side of the small mountain that was on the outskirts of the town, creating a border between his grandparents town and the next. It was a place that his grandfathers old friends had bought and spruced up, a two cabin spot next to a giant lake that they could bring their families and spend weekends together. But by the time Jiyong had started spending summers with them, the his grandfathers group of friends had grown old and had found less and less energy to make it up to the cabins.

Even though Jiyong was excited to see the place again, his body was still in sleep mode and the long car ride was creating the perfect place to fall back asleep. He heard the soft background music from the radio playing and the cool breeze from his grandfathers open window, but it was more like a comforting lullaby than a distraction as his eye soon shut and he was drifting off to sleep.

_“Jiyong come on… you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Seunghyun whined as he chased after the smaller boy who was making his way to the woods behind he pasture._

_“Of course you did! That’s why you said it!” Jiyong yelled back without turning around. “Just go out with your friends. Like you said on your phone I’m ‘just some kid’ so continue ignoring me like you have all summer and leave me alone.”_

_He could feel his throat tightening up as the last few words leave his lips._

_“I have not been ignoring you all summer.” Seunghyun protested._

_“Are you kidding me?” Jiyong said as he turned to face the older boy. “You used to wait in front of your house. You used to practically live at my grandparents house. We would always be doing something together, but it seems like ever since I got here, you’ve made excuse after excuse to not hang out. And now I think I know why.”_

_Seunghyun was frozen in front of Jiyong as he saw the unshed tears in the boy’s eyes. “Jiyong… I can explain…”_

_“Just stop! Stop trying to make excuses! I’m just some brat that follows you around now, right? I’m ‘some kid’ that has become a nuisance. All you want to do is hang out with your friends now that you’re in highschool and you’d be soooo uncool to hang out with some snot-nosed middle schooler like me.”_

_Seunghyun heard the younger boys voice crack at the end of his rant. He stepped forward and tried to console the boy but he flinched back._

_“Just go Seunghyun…” Jiyong mumbled in defeat._

_“But Jiyong just listen ok, I’m sorry for saying that and I’m sorry for not hanging out as much this summer… it’s just… I have other friends too….”_

_“Well congratulations Seunghyun… you go hang out with the people you see year round and forget about me, because obviously you forget about me as soon as I leave town now.”_

_“Would you stop acting like this?” Seunghyun growled in frustration._

_“What? I’m just a kid after all,” snapped back while turning on his heel and running to the woods leaving the older boy alone._

The truck jerked to a stop causing Jiyong to slightly fall forward in his sleep, waking him from his dream. His mind felt like it was playing tricks on him in his sleep because he had the feeling that he should have fallen further than he did. Blinking, he opened his eyes and looked down to see an arm stretched out in front of him. He blinked a couple more times to make sure that he was seeing right and then realized that his vision must be playing trick on his still because not only was there a third arm that he saw but the world seemed to be tilted at an angle as well.

Bringing up one of his hand he rubbed his eye, trying to wake up more and make sense of what was going on.

"We've stopped at a gas station. Your grandfather needed to use the restroom."

Jiyong shot up as he heard the deep voice whisper into his ear.

Fuck, he thought and shifted away from Seunghyun. Did I really fall asleep on his shoulder?

"Do you want coffee? If you want to sleep more, I can go get it for you?" the older man offered.

"No," Jiyong said quickly, "I can get it myself," and opened the car door as fast as he could to get away from the man.

Stumbling as he gained his bearings, he heard the tinkling of the bell that was attached to the gas station door as he opened it. He tried to remember the dream he was having but it seemed to have erased itself from his mind. Finding the coffee he grabbed the biggest cup the store had and poured the steaming liquid in. He inhaled the scent, hoping that if he just smelled it, it would help him wake up faster.

A door behind him opened and he turned to see his grandfather walk out of the small restroom.

"Hey kid, have a good nap?"

He didn't want to admit that he actually did, but due to finding out who he used as a pillow he skipped the question. "How long was I out for?"

"About half an hour. You fell asleep almost as soon as we hit the highway. One minute you were sittin straight and the next you were leaning on Seunghyun, just like you when you were kids.”

"And he didn't care that I fell asleep on him?"

"No... why would he?" Again his grandfather gave him a second questioning look that morning.

"Never mind Pops, lets just get to the lake. You said you wanted to catch your first fish by 8, right?" he said as he grabbed a lid, placing it on his cup and going to the counter to pay for the drink.

The rest of the drive Jiyong was on edge. He let the liquid caffeine work its way through his veins as he told himself not to freak out about what had happened earlier. Looking out the corner of his eyes he saw Seunghyun looking out the open window, the light of the rising sun casting shadows through the trees and onto his face. For a moment he let himself watch the lights dance over the man’s features, thinking how there was no trace of adolescence like the last time he had seem him 6 years ago.

He watched as Seunghyun lifted his hat up and brush back his black hair, tucking it under the baseball cap more. "It's getting long," Jiyong heard the echo of his voice from years past. A memory of his fingers brushing the same black hair out of a boys eyes flashed through his head. His heart started racing at the memory. He sighed and tried to shake the thoughts from his head as he took another sip of his coffee. Today is going to be a very long day.

And it was. As soon as they made it to the lake his grandfather and Seunghyun got the boat in the water and were moving things from the bed of the truck and into boat.

“Jiyong, don’t just stand there, help us out.”

And Jiyong did. He could feel Seunghyun watching him as he picked carried things here and there. It was kind of pissing him off that the older man wasn’t making an effort to talk to him, but then again he did tell him that he didn’t want to talk.

But if he wants to talk so badly why doesn’t he try harder? He thought, and then realized how much he was flip flopping between his feelings. I just don’t know what I want…

They got into the boat and made their way across the lake to the spot that his grandfather pointed out and just like he wanted, his grandfather caught his first fish at 7:55.

The lake was as beautiful as ever. Still and serene. The only disturbance in the water was from the wake of the boat. The Sun had finally peaked over the tops of the trees making the color of the lake change from a dark brown to a murky blue color. It took him a while to get used to fishing again. He forgot how patient you had to be, which made him wonder why he loved fishing as a kid if all you had to do was just sit here with a pole in your hands. But nevertheless this place just had a special spot in his heart and he just let the matter be, thinking that sometimes things don’t need and explanation.

HIs grandfather tried to fill in the quietness with conversation, telling Seunghyun about Jiyong and what the other man has been doing for the past couple years. Honestly Jiyong tried to ignore everything, but his grandfather would as him to fill in the gaps of things he forgot, forcing him to talk to Seunghyun.

A couple time Jiyong thinks he might have caught a fish but every time he reels in his line, the worm on his hook is missing. He reaches over and grabs another worm the bucket and tries to put it on the hook but for some reason his hands are really shaky all of a sudden.

“Here let me help you.”

Jiyong turned to see Seunghyun leaning close to him. Their hands brushed against each other as the older man took the hook worm out Jiyong’s hands.

“I can do it myself,” he muttered underneath his breath.

Seunghyun looked up at him with an exhausted look. “Would you just let me help you,” he whispered so only Jiyong could hear.

Jiyoung was about to snap back, but Seunghyun lifted his chin, pointing in the direction of his grandfather.

“Jiyong, I know earlier you said you didn’t want to talk… but I do.”

“Seunghyun…” Jiyong whispered, a warning in his voice.

“I know you probably hate me-”

“Probably?” Jiyong scoffed.

Seunghyun sighed. “Ok… but we should at least talk.” Jiyong tried to say something but he cut him off. “Obviously we can’t talk now. But when we get back?”

“I don’t-”

“Don’t run away from this Jiyong.”

“Why? You did.”

“That was six years ago. Things are different. I’m different.” Seunghyun had baited the hook and handed it back to Jiyong, catching the younger man’s gaze.

It felt like a challenge to Jiyong. Seunghyun had just baited the hook, physically and now metaphorically. They stared at each other for a minute. Jiyong felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest as he looked at the older man’s intense stare, the older man pleading with his eyes. He had just confessed… something, but Jiyong wasn’t sure what. And that’s probably just what Seunghyun wanted. He wanted Jiyong to be curious and take the “bait” so they finally could talk.

“Fine…” Jiyong relented as he quickly averted his eyes and casted his line out into the water.

“Thank you.”

“Whatever…” Jiyong said, he could feel Seunghyun still looking at him so he rested his chin in his hand and elbow on his knee.

Seunghyun lowered his gaze but not before he saw a pink tint wash over the younger boys face. He smiled to himself as he thought how much Jiyong looked like the boy he used to know. But now he thought about how much he wanted to know the man that he had become. Just be patient…


	4. The Sickness

The rest of the morning passed pretty slowly. Jiyong tried to shake off the feeling of Seunghyun's eyes; because he knew the older man kept stealing glances. He kept thinking about the inevitable conversation that they would have and it made his stomach start twisting into knots. Deep down he knew that they needed to talk about what happened all those years ago, and if he was honest with himself he desperately wanted to know what Seunghyun had to say. Maybe it was the look in his eyes or the way he spoke to him, but Jiyong had the feeling that whatever the older man had to say it would tear open the wound that he had been trying to heal for 6 years; whether it was something good or bad.

But should I take the risk? Would it be worth the pain to finally get some closure?

All this indecision was just creating a headache for him. He set down the fishing pole against the edge of the boat; holding the handle with his feet as brought his hands up to relieve the tension in his temples. The wind blew threw his hair, creating a nice change to the warmth of the sun. He felt the boat rocking back and forth; the lake's waters splashed up against the sides.

At first the wind felt nice mixed sound of the water but after a couple minutes passed the movement of the boat and Jiyong's confused mind were churning his stomach in ways that would soon become a problem if he didn't get back on land.

"Hey Pops... Don't you think the waters are getting a little choppy?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking that actually. It's funny, the weather didn't say anything about high winds. Maybe we should start heading back."

His grandfather spoke to him but didn't actually look at him, and he was kind of grateful for that fact because he was sure his face would give it away that he wasn't feeling good.

"Alright boys let's get a move on then. Seunghyun can you pass the tackle kit?"

Jiyong's grandfather reeled in his line and unhooked his special flashy bait and hooks while Seunghyun took care of his pole. Jiyong on the other hand tried to focus on anything other than the swirling in his head and the constant back flips that his stomach would do every time the boat rocked.

"Jiyong can you hand me your pole?" Seunghyun asked. The younger man's back was to him and he could see that he was hunched over but he did not give any response. "Jiyong, your pole," again nothing.

He shifted and scooted closer to Jiyong and he noticed that he was folded into himself more as he got closer. He lowered his voice as he brought a hand to place on the younger man's shoulder, "Hey Jiyong... you ok?"

Jiyong jumped at the touch. "Seunghyun, just stop moving will you. I'm not feeling to well all of a sudden. And you're making the boat rock." Another wave hit the boat and Jiyong let out a small groan as he hugged himself tighter.

"Are you getting sea sick?"

"I don't know... maybe..." More wind and waves moved the boat again. "Probably... yes..."

Seunghyun squeezed Jiyong shoulder letting him know that he understood. "Sir..." the older man tried to get Jiyong's grandfather's attention, and when the elder turned around he could tell something wasn't right.

"Jiyong, are you alright son?"

Seunghyun spoke before Jiyong could. "I think the waves are making him seasick. We should head back."

The elder looked at his grandson and saw the way he was holding himself. "Ok then, Seunghyun would you mind steering, we'll probably get to the shore faster if you do it."

"Sure thing." He stood up, trying not to move the boat anymore than he had too and moved to the back. However it still caused movement and Jiyong moved his fishing pole to the middle of the boat and then stretched across the bench seat that he had been sitting on.

Seeing the younger man's discomfort, Seunghyun quickly started up the motor and drove the boat across the lake, back to shore.

 

~

 

As soon as he could Jiyong jumped out of the boat and made his way to the truck. He threw himself down and relished the fact that earth had stopped moving beneath his feet, but he still needed to make his head stop spinning. He heard his grandfather and Seunghyun fixing up the boat to the truck and once they were done they made their way to the cab of the vehicle.

"Jiyong, you feelin any better?" The elder man asked as he climbed into the driver’s seat.

"No..." Jiyong moaned and he heard the other door creak open.

"Jiyong, do you want to sit by the window for the trip back?" Seunghyun asked.

Jiyong slowly sat up and saw that the older man was looking at him with concern written all over his face. It made his stomach cartwheel 10 more times, which did nothing to help the situation. But nevertheless he took him up on his offer and scooted out of the cab to let the Seunghyun climb in. Jiyong's grandfather started up the truck as Jiyong was closing the door and then they were off making their way back home.

A couple time the truck hit a bump in the road and Jiyong tried every time to keep silent as the motion made him woozy, but still a sound would always be heard by Seunghyun who was pressed up against him. Jiyong tried leaning his face against the cool glass of the window, trying to relieve the stuffiness that engulfed him but the only thing that seemed to calm him down was to put his head in between his legs.

Seunghyun watched as Jiyong went through all this discomfort and it hurt his heart to see him in so much pain. He waited for a while after Jiyong had leaned forward, thinking that the younger man had fallen asleep, and raised his hand to rest in the center of Jiyong's back. Slowly he started rubbing circles, trying to ease any kind of pain in the younger man that he could.

 

~

 

It was just past 9 p.m. on a Thursday night and Seunghyun pulled into the driveway. He turned off his truck, killing the yellow glow of the lights reflecting onto the garage door and let out a yawn. It had been a long day at the hardware store because of a new shipment of wire and he was beat from unloading and organizing it all. But at least he finished and he wouldn't have to deal with it tomorrow.

Taking a deep breath he opened the door and got out, feeling the sticky, hot summer air blow over him. A sudden flash of light caught his attention off to his right and he turned to find the source. The Lee's living room light had turned on and that’s when a sudden thought hit him.

"Shit... Jiyong came into town 3 days ago."

He berated himself and thought that since he would be busy with work tomorrow, and it looked like they were still up, he would go say his welcome.

Walking up to the front door, he thought about what happened last year when he and Jiyong had their biggest fight yet. Not that he could really blame him. Seunghyun remembered that he was acting like a 15 year old ass all summer long, and it wasn't fair to one of his best friends. Hopefully this summer he could make it up to him, after all they were now both in high school and another year had passed. Hopefully they could move beyond childish arguments and enjoy the summer like they used too.

Knocking on the door, Seunghyun waited and after a few minutes he heard the knob turn and the door open.

"Oh Seunghyun?" Mrs. Lee stared at him in surprise. "Dear is something the matter?"

"No ma'am, I was just coming over to say hello to Jiyong. I heard he just got to town. I've been real busy with work this week so I haven't been able to say hello until now."

"Oh honey, that's really sweet but Jiyong's not feeling well at the moment. Something at dinner upset his stomach and he's been sick a few times. Maybe if you come back tomorrow you can see him."

"Grandma... do you have any ginger ale?"

Seunghyun heard a boy's voice call from somewhere inside the house. He could hear how miserable Jiyong was.

"Sorry sweetie we don't," the older woman called back. And Seunghyun heard a groan.

"Ma'am I think we have some over at our house. I'll go grab some and bring it to him, if that's alright," Seunghyun offered. It was the least he could to for ignoring his friend for the past couple days.

"Seunghyun that would be great. I'll leave the door unlocked and you just let yourself in, ok?"

He nodded and turned to run over to his house. Saying a brief hello to his mother and father he made his way into the kitchen and grabbed a couple cans of ginger ale, and ran back over to the house.

Knowing the Lee's house like his own, he quickly found Jiyong in the spare bedroom that was always his every summer that he came. When he entered the younger man jolted up in surprise.

"Seunghyun! What are you doing here?"

"Well I came over to say hello, but I heard you were sick," he held out the cans of soda so Jiyong could see, "Welcome back. Sorry that I didn't come over sooner I got a summer job... and I'm sorry you're not feelin well."

Jiyong quirked his lips in the only smile he could muster and took one of the cans from his friend. But just was he was about to pop the tab open his stomach churned and he jumped from the bed, heading toward the bathroom.

Seunghyun followed him, making sure that he would be ok, however as soon as he made it to the door he heard the boy getting sick to his stomach once again. Walking over, he kneeled down beside him and patted his back, knowing that he liked it when his mother would do the same thing to him when he was sick. He felt the boy's trembling form as the sickness left his body over and over, and he just stayed, rubbing circles.

After he was done, Jiyong leaned up against the wall. His face red, eyes puffy, forehead sweating, and he took deep breaths trying to get oxygen back in his lungs.

Seunghyun stood up, grabbed a wash cloth and wetted it, then brought it to the boys face, knowing that the coolness would be a welcome relief.

Jiyong huffed out what was supposed to be a laugh, but his throat hurt too much for that and he sounded more in pain than anything else. "So far this is turning out to be a wonderful summer..."

Seunghyun chuckled and patted the sweat from the boy's brow. "Well I hope you get better soon... cause I wanna have a fun summer... together."

The only sound in the bathroom was Jiyong's heavy breathing that echoed off the walls. The boys stared at each other.

"You have snot running out of your nose..." Seunghyun said and busted out laughing.

Jiyong groaned and wiped his nose and then hit the older boy with the same hand.

"Dude that's gross!"

"You're such an ass man! You try puking your guts out and see if your face doesn't look like crap!"

Both boys calmed down from laughing and Jiyong tried to stand up but Seunghyun was there to help him when he stumbled.

"Let’s get you back to bed," he said as he shuffled the younger boy towards his bedroom. "Drink the ginger ale and I'll see you later, ok?". The boy nodded. "Feel better, Jiyong."

 

~

 

Jiyong felt what the older man had been doing most of the drive back home but he was still feeling like shit to really care. And to be honest it actually felt good, the constant motion on his back kept him grounded as the world around him spun. But he wouldn't admit that to Seunghyun.

He could tell they had made it back to the house when the warmth of the older man's hand left his back and moved to his shoulder.

"Jiyong wake up. We're back home."

He pretended he was still asleep and slowly moved, making sure that Seunghyun would think he was waking up.

"How are you feeling?"

Rubbing his eyes he said, "Better," and got out of the truck.

"Jiyong," his grandfather called, "help take the fishing rods back to the garage and then you can go inside and rest. Seunghyun and I will take care of the boat."

He nodded and moved to grab the rods from the bed of the truck, but Seunghyun reached out and grabbed them first.

"Jiyong remember... you said that we would talk."

He gulped, as he felt the older man staring at him, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah ok..." he relented. "Meet me on the porch in half an hour." Better to just rip the badge off, right? He thought.

"Thanks," Seunghyun said and handed the poles to him. Jiyong looked up and faced him. He could feel the heat rush to his cheeks and then the older man turned to help out his grandfather with the boat.

As Jiyong made his way back from the garage to the side of the house he saw another truck pulling up. It took him a second to recognize the older man getting out of the vehicle because there was distress written all over his face, but Seunghyun answered the question of who the man was for him.

"Dad's what wrong?"

"Ah, Seunghyun. I'm so glad you're back. Mr. William's had a fence problem and some of his cattle got loose. Could you grab the 4 wheeler and help me and some other guys wrangle the rest up?"

Seunghyun looked to Jiyong for a split second. "Yeah, sure thing. Let me just help Mr. Lee with the boat and I'll head over."

"Oh don't worry about the boat son," Jiyong's grandfather said. "Go on. They need your help more than I do."

"Ok..." Seunghyun agreed.

"But wait... the Misses was supposed to have dinner ready for us for when we got back. Let me see if it’s ready and you can have a bite to eat before you leave," the elder man said as he made his way inside.

"I'm gonna head on back over," Seunghyun's dad spoke up again. "We've caught a mother and her calf but we think 6 more cattle are still loose."

"Alright, I'll be over soon."

His father nodded and turned to Jiyong, saying hello before he climbed back in his truck and left.

"Jiyong look..." Seunghyun spoke up before the Mr. Lee could come back outside. "Just wait for like... 2 hours and I swear I'll be back and then we can talk, ok? The cows couldn't have wandered too far."

Jiyong debated on whether or not this was a sign that they shouldn't be having this conversation and when he was just about to voice this new found thought he heard himself saying the exact opposite, "Yeah... I'll wait."

Seunghyun smiled, "Great."

He heard the side door open again and out came his grandfather carrying a sandwich in a bag in one hand a can of coke in the other.

"Here ya go. Now you better get going."

"Thanks, sir." Seunghyun took the sandwich and then looked one last time to Jiyong before he made his way over to his house.

 

~

 

Almost 5 hours later Seunghyun pulled up to his house on his 4 wheeler absolutely exhausted. It had been hell trying to find the last of the cattle and it turned out that the cow was in the complete opposite direction then they thought.

But no matter how exhausted he was the only thing he could think about was getting over to Jiyong. Jumping off the small vehicle, he adjusted his baseball cap and walked over to the lit up porch.

He saw the lightning bugs and heard the crickets that played the soundtrack of summer nights as he walked. He took off the flannel shirt that hung open, leaving him in only a plain white t-shirt, and used it to wipe the sweat off his face as he opened the screen door.

He saw Jiyong sitting on the porch swing and just when he was about to apologize for being so late, did he notice that the younger man was asleep. He was curled up in a light blanket with glasses on the verge of falling off his nose as a book was loosely held in his hand.

Seunghyun's heart started racing. The soft glow from the porch light made the younger man's skin glow, as if the light itself was coming from beneath his skin. The sight tickled memories of a handful of summer mornings where he woke up to almost the exact same sight. He noticed the defined angles of Jiyong's face, seeing just how much he had changed over the years. A slight stubble showed itself on his chin and it made Seunghyun think for the second time that day of how much Jiyong had grown into a man.

And he still knows how take my breath away.

Before he could stop himself, he moved closer to the sleeping man, brushing the bangs out of his eyes and whispered," Please... please don't hate me for what happened back then. I can't take it if you hate me any longer… I just want my best friend back..."

Jiyong stirred in his sleep and in so doing he dropped his book. The sound of the book hitting the ground startled him out of his sleep and when he opened his eyes he blinked a few times in Seunghyun’s direction.

"Seunghyun?" he croaked out, sleep still present in his throat.

"Yeah I'm here. Sorry it took so long."

Jiyong took off the black rimmed glasses and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

"A little past 10. We had trouble finding the last 2 cattle."

"Mmm," Jiyong hummed.

"I'm so sorry it took so long."

" 's ok... do you still want to talk?"

He could see how worn out the younger man was and even though he was the one who pushed all day for them to talk he decided that it would be better for both of them to rest and talk tomorrow.

"Look it’s been a long day for both of us so let’s just call it a night and we can talk tomorrow, alright?"

Jiyong paused and looked to him and then said, "Yeah sure..."

He was too tired to fight the issue, like Seunghyun had said it had been a long day, so he just gathered up his stuff and made his way to the side door. However the older man reached out and stopped him before he could go inside.

"Jiyong..."

He turned and faced him. "What?"

Seunghyun tugged on his arm and pulled him into a hug. "I'm just glad you finally came back."

Before Jiyong had time to process feeling the warmth of the older man wrapped around him, the warmth left and he heard the screen door open and close; leaving him alone on the porch.


	5. The Summer That Changed Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts the flashbacks of the summers they were in high school.

Saturday night, Seunghyun found himself over at the Lee's house, sitting on the couch as the light from the TV casted shadows over his and the boy next to him, faces. Jiyong had caught him before he left for work that morning and asked if he wanted to come over and have a pizza night to catch up. Just seeing the boys smiling face again made the decision for him and he said that he would be over around 8.

At first it was kind of weird talking to the boy again after not seeing him for a whole year. He noticed that he was finally losing the roundness in his face, his limbs grew longer, and his voice became deeper. But the more he talked with his friend the more he realized that some things had changed about him that weren’t as visible as the others. Just watching the way Jiyong talked and carried himself made Seunghyun think that this wasn’t his childhood friend anymore. Not that he had become someone that Seunghyun didn’t like, it was just new. And the more he talked with him, the more he wanted to find out what had changed since the last time they saw each other.

“So you started high school this past year right? How do you like it?” Seunghyun asked as took a sip of soda.

“Well it’s a lot different than middle school for sure. The first couple months were pretty rough.” Jiyong paused and took a bite of pizza. “It seemed like the friends I had, got new friends over the summer last year and we all kind of went our separate ways at the beginning of school.”

“But you made new friends right?”

Jiyong sat for a second as he chewed his pizza. “Eventually. I had opted for an art class as one of my electives just because it seemed easy, but as the semester went on I found myself really enjoying the class and I had made a couple friends who liked it too.”

“So you like… paint and stuff now?” Seunghyun’s face twisted as he tried to picture Jiyong in front of an easel and canvas slapping random blobs of paint over it.

Jiyong watched his friends face and started laughing. “No, I don’t paint. I just draw for now, maybe next year I’ll work up to painting.”

“Well that’s something I never expected you to do. You always seemed to be off doing something outdoors.”

Jiyong shrugged his shoulders and took another bite of his pizza.

“And what's with this?” Seunghyun asked as he waved his hand in Jiyong’s general direction. “You’re all quiet. Normally you’d be talking nonstop… but now…”

“I don’t know, I guess I’ve changed. Besides I thought that was one of the things you hated about me, how I never stopped talking and bothered you all the time.” Jiyong admitted and quickly looked away as he reached for the can of soda on the coffee table.

“Ji, you know that I could never hate you.” Seunghyun said, thinking about their argument last year. “But I was a real jack ass back then and I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Jiyong mumbled. His eyes still looked towards the floor but he couldn’t help but smile at hearing his nickname from the older boy.

“No it’s not.” Seunghyun said and brought his hand up to the boys head and ruffed up his hair. “I want to make it up to you this summer, but I do have a job so we won’t be able to hang out as much, ok?”

“Yeah sounds good.”

“Cool. Do you want to watch a movie or something? I can run back over to my house and grab a couple dvds.”

Jiyong just nodded his head, taking Seunghyun off guard again. He really wasn’t used to the boy being so quiet. But before he stared too long, he got up and went over to his house. When he came back he saw Jiyong sitting crossed legged in front of the TV trying to turn it to the proper input for the dvd player. He noticed that he was having some trouble, so he walked over and took the remote out of the boys hand.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve had to come over here to help your grandparents with this,” he chuckled as he pressed a couple buttons on the remote, causing the TV to flicker and up popped the logo for the dvd player signaling they were on the right input. “They just don’t understand technology and now I can see it runs in the family.”

“Hey!” Jiyong pouted. “That’s not fair. I’m awesome with tech stuff.”

“Whatever, just pick a movie.” Seunghyun laughed, holding out a few different choices. As he watched the boy look over them, he saw that there was a sports movie that he had grabbed and it reminded him of something. “Hey Jiyong, a couple of friends from school like to play football on Sunday afternoons. Would you wanna come?”

Jiyong looked up at Seunghyun and scrunched up his nose a bit. “Um Seunghyun… you may have the body of a football player because you work on a farm and all but I can barely walk 10 feet without tripping.”

“Oh come on just try it, plus it will give you a chance to meet my friends.”

The younger boy watched as he did his best begging face until he finally caved in.

“Alright fine. But if I play and you lose because of me, you’re to blame.”

“Okay, okay. Now pick a movie.”

 

~

 

Seunghyun put the truck into park on the side of the road by a large field and looked to the boy in the passenger’s seat. "Oh come on, it’s not gonna be that bad," he said to Jiyong who had the look of utter disgust on his face.

“Seunghyun, I don’t think you understand how bad I am at sports.”

“Bull. You used run all over the woods behind the pasture and get into all sorts of trouble. You might have changed, but not that much,” he said as he got out of the truck.

“I’m tellin’ you, you're gonna be disappointed.”

“Just get out of the truck already.”

Jiyong groaned but eventually pulled on the handle, opening the door, and slid out of the vehicle.

Walking over to the center of the field, Seunghyun saw a small group people standing together. One of them saw him and Jiyong walking towards them and turned.

“Hey, Seunghyun you made it!”

At this all the others turned to greet Seunghyun with high fives or pats on the back. Jiyong noticed that all the boys were built like Seunghyun; broad shoulders, tall, and well built. Country boys, he thought, Does working on a farm automatically guarantee that you have muscles? All the guys looked like the typical jocks that he was used to seeing at school. How am I going to play football with these guys? I mean they could break me in half with their pinky finger.

“Who’s this?” One of the boys asked as he looked to Jiyong, interrupting his train of thought.

“Guys this is my friend Jiyong. He’s my neighbors, the Lee’s, grandson. He and I’ve been friends for years since he would spend the summers with his grandparents.” Seunghyun spoke up.

All the boys gave Jiyong a warm welcome, saying “Hi” and what not.

“So if you spend the summers here, where are you from?” asked the boy closest to Jiyong.

“I’m from Atlanta.”

All the guys broke out into ‘oooh’s’ and the boy who asked the question followed up with, “So you’re a city boy?”

Jiyong just nodded his head and Seunghyun spoke up again. “Hey I thought we were here to play football, not talk.”

And with that the boys broke up into teams. Unfortunately for Jiyong they had already sort of picked teams before they arrived and it left Jiyong on the opposite team of Seunghyun.

Jiyong looked panicked and Seunghyun tried his best to reassure him. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Basically all you have to do is try and catch the ball and run with it,” the older boy said him.

“Easy for you to say…” Jiyong mumbled and walked over to the side his team was on, dragging his feet along the way.

The game went pretty well and Jiyong was a lot better than he gave himself credit for. Seunghyun knew he was good at running and the boy proved that he was able to catch the football and run with it just like he had told him to. Although he kept on noticing something strange about the younger boys actions. Every time someone would tackle him, he would scurry and try to get out from under the other boy. At first Seunghyun thought that he was just trying to protect himself because all the boys were bigger in size, but after he himself had tackled Jiyong, he knew something was off.

He had grabbed onto the boys’ waist and it made his body twist so when they both fell to the ground, Seunghyun laying on top of Jiyong. The younger boy stared up at him, panting from running and when Seunghyun smiled him, about to say something funny about his hair, when he noticed that Jiyong’s cheeks flushed a deep red and his eyes widened. And just like that Jiyong pushed him off and put a good 5 feet between them.

“Ji, are you ok?” Seunghyun asked.

The boy turned his back to him, acting like his was brushing the dirt off himself. “Y-yeah I-I’m fine,” and then walked back over to his team’s side.

Seunghyun shrugged it off but still he couldn’t help watching the boy every time it happened.

By the end of the game, Jiyong’s team had won and all the boys gathered around him, giving him hugs while saying, “Man, we didn’t think you’d have it in you, city boy.”

Jiyong flashed a shy smile and admitted, “Neither did I.”

Everyone migrated over to where they had put their water bottles and extra clothes. Seunghyun picked up his bottle and chugged down a large amount of water. “God, it is so hot today,” he said after he swallowed the last few drops. He lifted his shirt up and used the hem of it to wipe the sweat from his face. When he dropped the fabric he saw that Jiyong was staring at him, with his mouth slightly open. Seunghyun waved his hand in from of the boy, “Earth to Jiyong…”

Jiyong snapped out of his daze and Seunghyun watched as the same redness appeared on his cheeks like when he had tackled him. But before he could think about what it meant, one of his friends came over and wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

“Seunghyun, you totally need to keep bringing Jiyong every time we play.”

“Don’t tell me. Ask him,” he said and pointed in Jiyong’s direction.

“Jiyong, will you come out with Seunghyun and play with us from now on?”

Seunghyun watched as Jiyong had an internal debate, he could tell because it was written all over his face. Seunghyun thought it was cute at how awkward he looked, but he had to admit that the boy was pretty good at football. He ducked from under his friends arm only to put his own around the boy who hadn’t given his answer yet. He felt Jiyong shake a bit from the unexpected contact and Jiyong looked up to him.

“Do you want me to?” he asked, just to Seunghyun.

“Yeah. It’ll be fun and it’ll be a good way to hang out this summer.”

Jiyong seemed to like his reply because he flashed a smile and then turned to the other boys and said, “Sure, I’d like that.”

 

~

 

“Whoa, Seunghyun...This is…”

“I know right!”

“And your parents just let you bring all this stuff up here?”

“Yeah! They actually thought it was a cool idea. Plus this way they wouldn’t have to listen to me play video games or hear my music that they’re always complaining about.”

Seunghyun watched as Jiyong kept looking around in amazement. He had brought the younger boy to the barn behind his house to show him what he had done to the loft on the second floor. Right after summer had ended last year, he and his father were cleaning out the barn and he noticed that a lot of the space on the second floor, the loft, wasn’t being used. So he asked his dad if he could used it as a place for him and his friends to hang out. His dad agreed but only on the condition that he keep it clean and there was to be no alcohol anywhere near it. Of course Seunghyun reassured his father and him and a couple friends went around town finding couches and chairs that people were getting rid of and turned it into a nice hang out spot. His dad even suggested he move his gaming system out there and use the electric hook up for the power tools.

As the year passed Seunghyun and his friends kept finding things like shelves, a couple tables, and a few lights to hang around the place, and now as Jiyong was looking around, Seunghyun could proudly say that this was by far his favorite place to hang out.

Jiyong traced his hands over the TV in amazement. “Dude, this is seriously so cool.”

Seunghyun stood off to the side, leaning against the banister with a smug look on his face. “I know.” He pushed himself off and walked over to the other side of the loft. “And look at this.” He pushed on a panel of wood and it swung out, showing the pasture below and the setting sun.

Jiyong ran over to the newly opened window, but really it was the size of the barn door just below them, and gasped at the sight. “Wow… its beautiful. This is just…”

Seunghyun smiled at how awestruck the boy was. It was like seeing a kid in a candy store. “You know, if you ever want to get out of the house and I’m at work, feel free to come up here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Jiyong ran over and gave Seunghyun a big hug. The top of the boys head reached the middle of his chest and he felt the boy mumble, “Thank you so much!”

He chuckled and went to go pat the boy in his back but as soon as his hand touched him, Jiyong stiffened and quickly withdrew himself from him, but Seunghyun caught the familiar sight of red cheeks once more before the boy turned away from him.

Okay something is definitely going on with him and I am so going to find out what it is by the end of the summer or so help me…

 

~

 

And that’s how the summer passed for them. Although they didn’t hang out as much like they used to when they were younger, they always found time to see each other. More times than not, Jiyong would already be waiting in the loft of the barn playing a video game or something. And no matter what, Jiyong would always greet him with a smile. He had gotten so used to seeing the boys bright face that when the few times he wasn’t in the loft, Seunghyun felt his shoulders slump and a weight in his chest.

Over the next couple weeks, Jiyong and him would go play football with the boys, and as the time went by, the younger boy kept getting better and better. Which made Seunghyun praise him more and more, just to see the ever present blush when he did so.

A couple times, Seunghyun's friends would join him and Jiyong up in the loft, playing video games or to watch a movie and Seunghyun could tell that the younger boy was slowly becoming part of the group. And it was even proven so by Brian, speaking up one night while all of them were hanging out.

“Hey Seunghyun, you’re coming to Ashley Johnson’s party on Saturday night, right?”

He flicked his eyes to Jiyong and saw that the boy looked a little lost, like he didn’t want to hear what his answer was going to be. “Umm…”

Brian saw him look at Jiyong and said, “You know you can bring Jiyong too if he wants to go?”

Jiyong looked up at the mention of his name and Seunghyun made eye contact with him. They quickly had a silent conversation and then Seunghyun looked back to Brain, “Yeah we’ll be there.”

 

~

 

It was a little past 9 p.m., and Seunghyun drove up the long winding driveway of the Johnsons. As he got closer to the house he saw cars and trucks parked all over the place and eventually he could hear music blasting from somewhere in the distance. He snuck a glance to Jiyong who was looking out the window into the darkness of night and suddenly Seunghyun thought that this wasn’t the best idea. Yeah Jiyong was in high school now and everything, but he could still see the small innocent boy that followed him around when he was 11. Finding a empty spot off to the left of the house, Seunghyun parked and then turned to Jiyong.

“You know… there’s going to be a lot of drinking tonight… So if you want to leave at anytime, just let me know and we can go home.”

The younger boy turned his gaze to him and gave a small coy smile, “This actually looks like it’s going to be fun.”

“Have you even been to a high school party yet?”

Jiyong rolled his eyes and got out of the truck. Seunghyun followed suit and met him at the front of the vehicle.

“I’ve been to a couple, but I will say that parties in the city aren’t like this.”

Seunghyun was still skeptical because the boy looked a little nervous despite how calm he pretended to be. “Okay, but don’t drink too much. The scariest person next to my mother, is your grandmother and I don’t want her on my ass if I bring you home drunk.”

“Seunghyun, relax. Nothing’s going to happen, don’t worry. Just have fun.”

 

He was taken aback at the boy’s attitude, and even though it had been over a month since Jiyong came into town, this “New Jiyong” still kept taking him by surprise. However he took his friends advice and they walked up to the house, hearing the music and dozens of people just on the other side.

No matter how Jiyong was acting, Seunghyun couldn’t help but be protective over him. He stayed by the boys side the entire time and whenever he saw someone he knew, he always made a point to introduce Jiyong to them. He let Jiyong drink, knowing that it was a party after all, and he didn’t see the harm in it as long as he kept track of how much the boy drank.

The music played throughout the house and Seunghyun noticed Jiyong nodding his head along to the beat. It seems like he was having fun and because he was, Seunghyun was too. Eventually inside the house was getting too crowded and someone mentioned something about s’mores in the backyard by the bonfire. Seunghyun didn’t even have to look to Jiyong to know that he wanted to go outside, so he brought his arm up and placed in behind Jiyong and guided the boy out to the blazing fire.

They saw a crowd around the fire and it was good to smell the burning wood. People were standing in their own little groups, lost in conversation and it was a welcome change from the cramped space that the house had become. Granted it’s never a good idea to mix beer and teenagers and fire, but a couple kids were being hysterical as they tried juggling their beer cans with the flaming marshmallow and graham crackers.

Jiyong noticed and Seunghyun watched him laugh as the boy popped a slightly burned marshmallow into his own mouth. The sweet puff was fairly melted when it went into the boys mouth it left a small trail of white fluff on his chin. Chuckling to himself he reached up and rubbed his thumb across, removing the substance. Faster than he thought possible, Jiyong grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand down.

“What are you doing?” the boy asked and Seunghyun heard a slight panic buried somewhere in there.

“You had marshmallow on your chin.”

He watched as Jiyong looked around the bonfire, almost as if he was making sure no one else saw.

“Just tell me next time…” he mumbled and walked over to a cooler to grab another beer, leaving Seunghyun stunned in his place. But as fate would have it, he wasn’t in shock for long because Brian came running up to him and threw his arm around his neck, putting him into a friendly choke hold.

“There you are, man. I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Seunghyun laughed, “Well someone mentioned s’mores so obviously I came out here to investigate.” He reached over to the bag of marshmallows that was by Jiyong and put on on the spare stick that was by them as well. As he put the puff over the fire he could feel Jiyong watching his every move and it sent a shiver down his spine. I wonder what his problem is all of a sudden?

“Hey I heard that Charlotte and Katherine were getting a group of people to play spin the bottle on the other side of the house, you wanna join?”

Without turning his head, Seunghyun peaked at Jiyong to see if he seemed interested.

“Oh come on Seunghyun… do you really even have to think about it when it’s Katherine,” Brian said making sure to emphasize the girls name.

He saw Jiyong look down at that point, taking interest in kicking the dirt at his feet. His face seemed to fall.

Ah whatever. I’m not gonna let Jiyong’s weird mood swings get in my way of having fun.

“Alright, sounds fun.” Seunghyun said without a second thought and let Brian lead the way. But before they walked more than 5 feet, Brian turned around and called out to the younger boy still standing by the fire. “Hey Jiyong! You coming or what?”

Jiyong’s head shot up and he looked from Brian to Seunghyun and then back at the ground. “Umm I-I-”

“Come on don’t be too scared. They’re just some freakin’ hot senior and junior cheerleaders that are willing to make out with anyone,” he said as he raised his eyebrows trying to persuade him making it sound as it was easiest decision in the world.

“Look if he doesn’t want to come, you can’t make him,” Seunghyun spoke up. He stared at Jiyong with a bored expression that had a hint of a challenge in it… and Jiyong seemed to accept it.

“I’ll come,” replied the boy, giving Seunghyun a look of defiance.

“Sweet! Now we just gotta find Peter and Liam.” Brian suggested and led the way to where the game was going to be played.

When they found the other boys already over there, Seunghyun saw that this “little game” of spin the bottle was already full of 20 people as well as the same amount of on lookers.

“Ooooh here comes Seunghyun, one of the girls yelled as she scooted over and patted the ground beside her, wanting him to sit there. Seunghyun accepted and grabbed an extra beer from the cooler and made his way over to her.

Popping open the tab of the can, Seunghyun took a swing and let the cool liquid slide down his throat. When he looked around to find where Jiyong had sat, he noticed the boy sitting off to the side, taking a drink of his own beer.

“Ji, you’re not playing?” he asked.

The boy looked to him and he could see the corners his mouth turned down, almost in a frown. “No… I’ll just watch.”

Seunghyun watched as the boy averted his gaze and took another sip of his drink. He shrugged it off as Jiyong being drunk and turned back to the game as one of the girls started reminding everyone how to play. As if high schoolers don’t know how to play spin the bottle.

The game was going pretty well, everyone was having fun, a couple of the guys went crazy when two of the girls made out with each other. Even Seunghyun himself got lucky a couple times. He was having fun and he kept on drinking, getting drunk on beer as well as the energy around him.

On his third turn to spin, he caught Jiyong eyes and saw that the boy was staring at him. If before the boy looked sad, then now he looked utterly disappointed. Seunghyun had the sudden urge to stand up and find out what was wrong but Brian yelled at him to spin. Breaking his gaze away, he flicked his wrist sending the bottle twirling in circles. It landed on a girl that was 2 people away from him and as the game goes he got up and kissed her. But as soon as their lips touched, the girl brought her hand up to his face and pulled him in closer.

A couple of the guys sent out cat calls while another girl yelled for them to get a room. Seunghyun’s ears burned in embarrassment and he casually broke the kiss.

For some reason his mind wandered to Jiyong as soon as they broke apart and he looked to where Jiyong was sitting. His heart dropped, the boy had disappeared. As the next round went on, he got up with the excuse of getting another beer but instead went to look for his missing friend. After what seemed like forever, Seunghyun had found him standing by his truck, with his head down and hands stuffed into his jean pockets; again kicking the dirt at his feet.

“Jiyong are you alright?” Seunghyun spoke softly, as not to startle the boy who seemed lost in his own world.

Jiyong looked up and gave an unconvincing smile as he said, “Yeah… but I wanna go home, if that’s okay?”

Seunghyun heard a slight slur in his words and realized the boy was indeed drunk.

“Yeah it’s okay. Get in,” he said as he fished the keys out of his pocket and went to the driver’s side.

When they got back to Seunghyun’s house Jiyong stumbled out of the truck, not saying a word, and started walking back towards his grandparents house.

“Oh no! You’re not going back home mister,” Seunghyun said as he ran behind the boy, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the barn. “You’re gonna stay in the loft tonight.”

“But Seunghyun,” the boy whined in protest, “I’m really tired.”

“And you’re really drunk. So upstairs you go,” he finished and pushed Jiyong through the door to climb up to the loft. Once he got there Jiyong sat on the chair farthest away from Seunghyun as possible. The older boy turned on the lights and noticed the boys face was bright red from probably drinking so much. Seeing this he knew that the boy needed go to sleep soon, so he walked over to the couch and started fiddling around the back of it.

“What are you doing?” asked Jiyong after a minute or so.

“Well we need a place to sleep tonight. The couch is actually a futon, so I’m trying to make it go down.”

“Why don’t you sleep in your own bed?”

“Because it’s well past midnight and I don’t want my parents catching me sneaking in drunk. Plus I need to keep an eye on you.”

“Seunghyun, I’m not some kid that you need to babysit anymore.” Jiyong fired back.

Seunghyun just took it as him being tired… and drunk and waved it off as he finally found the latch that let the futon lay flat. He walked over the shelf and grabbed a blanket, throwing it to Jiyong as he went to the other side and slipped off his shoes. He sat on the edge of the bed and turned to find Jiyong frozen in his spot.

“Well come on. You said you were tired.” Seunghyun said as he swung his feet up onto the bed, stretching out.

“I-I’ll j-just sleep in the chair.” Jiyong stuttered.

“Jiyong, get your ass in the bed or so help me god I will pick you up and throw you on it.”

Reluctantly, Jiyong took off his shoes as well and walked over to the makeshift bed. He laid down, but made sure that he was on the edge, furthest away from Seunghyun as he could possibly be.

“Come on, you’re not gonna share the blanket?” Seunghyun asked as he rolled onto his side and came face to face with the younger boy’s back. At hearing his complaint, Jiyong tossed the blanket in the older boys direction and kept his back turned to him.

“Dude, what did I do to piss you off?” Seunghyun asked as he peeled the blanket from his face.

“Nothing…” Jiyong mumbled back and moved a little to settle into the bed.

“Whatever… let’s just got to sleep.”

An hour later Seunghyun found that he could not fall asleep for the life of him. He kept on tossing and turning for some unknown reason and nothing seemed to calm his racing mind.

“Hey Seunghyun?” he heard Jiyong’s voice whisper into the empty room. It startled him a bit because he thought the boy had fallen asleep a long time ago. “Can I ask you something?”

Seunghyun shifted and turned to face the direction the voice was coming from, and this time, Jiyong was facing him. He saw the faint glow of the light from across the room reflected on the boys face and he could still see the flush the alcohol had created on his cheeks.

“Sure…” Seunghyun replied.

He watched as the boy thought carefully of what to say; he even bit his bottom lip in concentration. Seunghyun thought he looked cute.

“What was it like kissing those girls?”

Well that was one of the last questions I expected…

“Umm…” Seunghyun scrunched his eyebrows together. He was completely taken off guard. “Why are you asking…”

He watched as Jiyong bit his lip again and then he said,” Well because… I’ve nev- you know what never mind,” and he went to flip back onto his other side. But Seunghyun had caught him before he could.

“Wait…” he looked at the boys face. Jiyong was looking everywhere but his eyes. “You’ve never…. Have you ever kissed someone?”

He heard Jiyong’s breath catch in his mouth as his face turned brighter. Well there’s my answer…

“Really? You’ve haven’t kissed anyone yet?”

“God Seunghyun… don’t make fun of me…” the boy groaned as he brought his hands up to cover his face.

Seeing this gesture of embarrassment, Seunghyun chuckled. “Ji, I’m not making fun of you,” he said as he pulled the boys hands away from his face. He could tell that the boy was mortified that he had discovered his little secret.

However the longer he looked at the boy the more his head started to spin. Maybe he was still slightly drunk, but he kept seeing Jiyong’s red tinted face and he couldn’t help to think how cute he looked… Almost like a girl…

And before he could stop himself he leaned over and touched the boys lips with his own. At first his brain started yelling at him, but once he felt the softness of Jiyong’s lips against his, he pressed closer. The boy tasted like beer, but there was the faint sweetness left over from the marshmallows and it made him crave s’mores again.

He felt Jiyong tense against him and just when he was about to pull away, the younger boy threaded his fingers through the fabric at the front of his shirt and grabbed a hold, pressing back into the kiss.

It was only a matter of seconds and then it was over. Seunghyun was in a daze at what had just happened, so he tried to play it off, by saying, “Well there ya go. Your first kiss,” and he gave an awkward laugh while trying to catch his breath that Jiyong seemed to steal from him.

Jiyong’s eyes bugged out, “Uh… umm…” he stammered and then closed his eyes while taking a deep breath. “Night Seunghyun,” he quickly threw out and then turned his back to the older boy.

They didn’t speak for the rest of the night, leaving Seunghyun to think about what this new found pressure was in his heart as he repeated over and over again in his head, Holy shit… I just kissed him.

 

~

 

The next morning Seunghyun woke up with a slight hangover. He turned to see if Jiyong was awake, wanting to know if he too was hung-over, but what he saw was an empty futon by his side. His arm stretched out and felt the coolness of the fabric. Cold… He must have gotten up a while ago…

He rolled back over on to his back and stared up at the wood beams in the roof of the barn, thinking about everything that had happened last night. His stomach twisted into knots and he didn’t know how to describe it. I wasn’t a bad feeling, or a sick feeling… or a good feeling. It was just something that bothered him, and when his brain wandered to the thought of kissing Jiyong, his stomach twisted more. How the hell am I gonna face him after that?

Lying on the bed for another hour thinking about all the possible things he could say to the boy, he came up with nothing, which gave him a bigger headache. He sat up and ran his hands in his hair and he cursed himself. A small beep off to his left caught his attention, so he climbed out of bed and walked over to find his phone.

Brian: So how hung over are you?

Seunghyun looked at the top of his phone and saw that it was a little passed 10 in the morning. Clicking reply he typed: Not too bad… but let’s just say that I don’t think any of us will be playing football today.

A minute later Brian replied with: Yeah sounds like a plan.

He shut the phone closed and ran his hand over his face, trying to rub the rest of the sleep away. Well it’s now or never. He told himself, knowing that he was in desperate need of a shower and then he would go and try to find Jiyong. They needed to have a talk.

After one of the longest showers in history, Seunghyun got dressed and headed over to see Jiyong. He walked up to the front door and knocked. A minute later Mrs. Lee opened it and greeted him. “Well good morning Seunghyun.”

“Morning Mrs. Lee, I came over to see Jiyong.”

The older woman’s face fell a little as she said, “ Oh dear, he and his grandfather went to Nashville early this morning. Mr. Lee wanted to go looking for some special fishing supplies.”

Seunghyun stood in shock as small “Oh” fell from his lips.

“But as soon as they get back I’ll be sure to tell Jiyong you came over.”

“Okay… that would be nice…. thanks.”

Mrs. Lee waved goodbye and shut the door as Seunghyun turned around and headed back towards his house.

He waited all day and as 10 p.m. rolled around he knew that Jiyong was not coming over. And as a couple days passed, he had yet to see the boy again. That was when he knew something was going on. Even though the boy had changed, he would always find Seunghyun whenever he could, but it was going on 4 days and he had yet to see or hear from the boy once.

On the 5th day, Seunghyun was coming home from work. Pulling into his driveway, he saw a slight figure walking from the Mr. Lee’s workshop to their porch. Knowing exactly who it was, he jumped out of his truck and ran over to the boy.

“Jiyong!” he called out, startling him. Jiyong’s eyes widened and he dropped his eyes to the ground picking up his pace while he walked to the house.

“Jiyong, just wait a minute will you,” Seunghyun ran up to him and grabbed his wrist. “We should talk.”

“Seunghyun we don’t need to talk about anything… we were drunk, that’s it. Just forget about it.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not-”

“Bull shit! I haven’t seen you in almost a week since then.”

“I-I… I’ve been helping out my grandfather. We’ve been busy and stuff…” the boy mumbled.

Seunghyun let out a sigh. This was frustrating. If it had been last year, he would’ve known exactly how to deal with Jiyong. But now as he looked at the boy in front of him, his mind went blank with what to do. “Well then do you want to go up to the loft and play some video games?”

Jiyong looked up at him and just nodded his head, “Sure.” It felt like a small weight had been lifted off Seunghyun’s chest as he heard the boy agree and he couldn’t help but break out into a smile. He saw the boy look up, giving a small quirk of his own lips and a sudden flash of marshmallows popped into his head. Clearing his throat before his thoughts could move on to how the boy’s lips felt, he and Jiyong walked to barn and soon things feel back into place between them.

 

~

 

That is until the next football game between him and the other boys.

Jiyong and him found themselves on separate teams once again and things were going smoothly until Jiyong caught a pass close to him, and Seunghyun had no choice but to tackle the boy.

Both of them fell to ground, Jiyong landing on his side and Seunghyun on top of. When he opened his eyes to look at him he saw Jiyong’s eyebrows scrunched together and jaw slack from pain.

“Seunghyun… get off you’re heavy.” The boy huffed, laughter seeping through his words.

But Seunghyun was frozen, his eyes locked on the boy’s lips, as he thought at how close they were. Just like the night of the party. And suddenly he wanted to feel the softness of Jiyong’s lips against his own again. The thought terrified him but also sent his heart racing, and his head was going crazy. Why the hell do I keep thinking about kissing him. He’s a guy… and one of my closest friends…

“Dude,” Jiyong spoke up, breaking Seunghyun from his thought. He pushed on his chest as he continued, “Seriously what’s your problem? Get of me already.” And the younger boy scrambled out from under him. Putting as much distance between them as possible. Seunghyun lifted himself up and kneeled on the ground, shaking his head clear of the thoughts.

“Seunghyun, you alright?” Brian called to him.

He took a deep breath and stood up, nodding his head as he got back in the game. And for the rest of the time his body might have been in the game but his heart wasn’t.

 

~

 

A couple days passed since the game and his thoughts still always seemed to revolve around Jiyong, now even more so since the boy would be leaving in less than two weeks. Jiyong on the other had taken his word about what had happened to heart and acted like it meant nothing to him.

Seunghyun found himself waking up in the middle of the night a couple times from strange dreams where he would be kissing the younger boy and what freaked him out the most was how after he woke up, he would still feel the press of Jiyong’s lips on his.

I have got to stop this, he thought as he rolled over and tried going back to sleep.

The next morning when he woke up he went down stairs and found his mother running about the kitchen cooking up all sorts of food.

“Oh Seunghyun, I’m so glad you’re up. Can you go down to the basement and grab a couple cans of green beans?”

“Sure, but what is all this?”

His mother looked at him with a spatula in hand and said, “Surely you didn’t forget of the White’s end of the summer barbecue?”

Oh… right… that…

The White’s end of the summer barbecue was something that the whole town gathered at. It was always held at the city fair grounds and there was always plenty of food to feed a small country for an entire month.

Seunghyun did what his mother asked and went to grab the beans and spent the rest of the day helping in any way that he could.

After a few hours his mom said that they were basically done and he went to go relax up in the loft. Walking up he heard explosions from the TV and eventually saw that Jiyong was already playing a video game. They relaxed together, not really saying much, just enjoying each other’s company and for the first time Seunghyun’s mind didn’t think about the kiss or his confusing dreams. He just enjoyed his time with his friend, knowing that he would be leaving soon.

Eventually his mother called him from the house, saying that they were about to leave for the barbecue soon and Jiyong spoke up, “You’re being dragged to that too?”

Seunghyun chuckled, “Yeah… every year.”

Jiyong smiled, “Well now I know that I’ll know at least one person at this shindig.”

Seunghyun laughed, “Yeah but you’ll be stuffing your face too much to even care.” Jiyong smiled and Seunghyun’s mind betrayed him once again. “Well I gotta go help her. See you there!” he said quickly and then left.

Seunghyun tired to enjoy himself, he really did. But when your best friend is sitting across the room from you, the same best friend who you’ve been having dreams about kissing, it made the food seem less interesting.

He was really having a hard time dealing with all these conflicting feelings. Well honestly he was trying to avoid them altogether, which obviously hadn’t been working. He watched as Jiyong smiled, talking to some of his grandparents friends. His heart stuttered, seeing the boys lips curl up.

This is getting ridiculous, he thought as he looked down taking a big gulp of his sweet tea. But when he looked back up towards Jiyong’s direction, he found the boy was already looking at him. His face flushed and he quickly looked back down, finding his mashed potatoes a good distraction as any. But after a few seconds he chanced another glance at the boy, and still Jiyong was looking at him. This time with a confused look on his face.

Seunghyun quickly excused himself from the table, wanting to go outside and breathe in some fresh air to clear his thoughts. He decided to take a walk around the grounds, anything better than sitting in that loud crowded room.

Turning the corner he almost ran into someone. Regaining his balance, he looked to find a girl standing right in front of him.

“Hey Seunghyun… are you just as bored as I am?”

Her face was a little hard to see because of the lack of lights outside, but finally he placed her. Her name was Rebecca, and she was the girl who he made out with at the party last month.

“Yeah… just a little, so I’m walking around now.”

“Mind of I join you?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “Why not,” and they started walking together, with no destination in particular.

After a few minutes of silence, Rebecca cleared her throat and said softly, “You know… I keep thinking about that party.”

Yeah you and me both…

He saw from the corner of his eye that she was playing with her hands. She spoke up again, “You’re a really good kisser, you know…”

Seunghyun stopped in his tracks. This was the last thing he ever thought they would talk about and he could see that his reaction caused her to panic a little.

“Sorry! Sorry if that freaked you out,” she quickly said. “I just can’t stop thinking about it… and about you,” she admitted.

He didn’t want her to feel bad so he spoke up too, “Yeah, you were good too…”

“Really?”

He nodded his head, “Um hum.”

She took a deep breath and then looked at him, he noticed that her bangs fell into her eyes. “Then would it be okay… if I kissed you again?”

As soon as the question registered with him, he thought, This is it… maybe all I have to do is kiss a girl and then I can stop thinking about Jiyong.

He looked down at her and saw she was biting her lower lip. Just like Jiyong. NO! Stop thinking about him, and just kiss her damn it! And before he could stop himself he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

However despite all his attempts of blocking out thoughts of Jiyong the first thing that popped into his head was that Rebecca’s lips were not as soft as the boys. Then he noticed that she tasked like barbecue sauce. She pressed into him, a little too forcefully, and made their teeth click together. Nothing… that’s what he felt. And the only thing he could think about was how this kiss was going nowhere and he wished it would be over soon.

Someone must have been listening to his prayer upstairs, because he heard a loud gasp as a boys voice spoke up from behind him and Rebecca.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Seunghyun detached himself from Rebecca and spun around to see Jiyong. His heart dropped at seeing the boys shocked face so he tried to rush out and explanation. “We- We were um…”

Jiyong’s face fell and he held up his hand to quiet him. “I was actually looking for you. Your mom wants to start heading home. I’ll see you later.” And the boy turned on his heel and started walking away.

Seunghyun turned to Rebecca and threw out a half assed apology before he too turned, chasing after Jiyong’s retreating figure. For some reason he had the sudden urge to ask for Jiyong’s forgiveness.

 

~

 

He never caught up that night to Jiyong. And despite the look of complete disappointment on the boys face, the next time they saw each other, Jiyong acted like he hadn’t seen anything. Which drove Seunghyun crazy. Why does he always avoid these things?

The more he thought about it the more he realized something. The kiss with Jiyong was better than the kiss with Rebecca. He wracked his brain, trying to anything to avoid this conclusion but when he compared both instances, Jiyong was all that came to mind.

 

~

 

On Jiyong’s last night of being in town Seunghyun wanted to make it a special guys night. So he ordered pizza and snuck a pack of beer up to the loft saying that tonight was going to be a night full of beer, pizza, and videos games. The perfect send off.

Jiyong was excited and they pushed all the crap that had happened over the summer to the back of their minds and it felt like old times. They played game after game and even watched a couple of movies. They had finished the pizza and were working on the last cans of beer when Seunghyun’s drunken mind starting thinking of it’s own accord.

He thought about how he didn’t want Jiyong to leave. How he could lock him up here. How he could always have his best friend with him.

Jiyong popped in another video game and started playing it while Seunghyun stared at him. He watched as the boy brought his lip in between his teeth in concentration only to release it and dart his tongue out to wet his lips.

A lump formed in his throat and his breathing became heavier. His head was fuzzy from the beer and it kept thinking about all the dreams. He could tell Jiyong was saying something but he was too lost in his own thoughts to make out what he was saying. He just watched the boy’s lips move. He swore at one point the boy had said something about a kiss and that snapped him out of his thoughts.

 

“What?”

“Thank you! Finally a reaction. I was trying to get your attention for the past 2 minutes.”

“But what did you just say?”

He saw a small flush go up Jiyong’s face as the boy looked back to the TV.

“I said… that if you didn’t answer me I would kiss you. I tried calling your name and cursing at you, but nothing seemed to get through exce-”

And that was when Seunghyun leaned across the couch and pressed his lips against Jiyong’s. At first he thought he had just made the biggest mistake of his life, but as soon as their lips touched little tingles started going up his spine.

Jiyong tried to push him away, but he scooted closer and cupped the boys head in his hands silencing his protests with another kiss. This time he didn’t care what happened, because this felt right and after his tongue darted out and licked the younger boys bottom lip, Jiyong leaned into the kiss.

The boys hands found their way to Seunghyun’s thighs and he rested them there as he moved closer. Their lips glided across each others, and if he hadn’t already drunk 3 beers, he surely could have gotten drunk on this feeling Jiyong was creating inside of him. It was strange. It was different. But it was addicting.

Once they broke apart to catch their breath, Seunghyun admitted, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a month…”

Jiyong looked at him, cheeks flushed, lips swollen. “Re-really?”

“Yeah…” Seunghyun took a deep breath. He was finally about to say what he had been thinking about since their first kiss. “Ever since that night of the party… I’ve been having this strange feeling. And when you said that it didn’t mean anything to you, I felt a little disappointed. Then I started having dreams about you and it’s been confusing the hell out of me.”

He looked to Jiyong to see if he could read the boy’s face, hoping to find any emotion to giveaway as to what his was thinking too. When he didn’t find anything Seunghyun continued, “And all this time I keep thinking about you. Like every damn day. But why? You’re my best friend… and you’re a guy… but that didn’t stop me. And then the other night at the barbecue, Rebecca kissed me and I thought that it was the best thing for me do, to finally stop thinking about you.”

“And did you?” Jiyong interrupted.

“No! When I was kissing her all I could think about was how I wanted to kiss you again. And it really freaked me out.”

“Then what was that just now?”

Seunghyun rubbed his face and sighed, “I don’t know… probably me realizing that I really do feel something for you…”

He looked back to the boy hoping to see excitement or happiness, but what he found was the complete opposite.

“But Seunghyun… I leave tomorrow.”

And with just 3 simple words, it seemed like his world would caved in. He leaves tomorrow…

“But please… just tell me that I’m not the only one feeling this.” Seunghyun begged. “You definitely kissed me back just now.”

Jiyong nodded his head, but looked to his hands that he had moved off of Seunghyun and into his own lap. “I did… and I feel something too. Actually I’ve felt something since the beginning of summer, but now that it’s time for me to go home… I don’t think it's a good idea to act on it.”

“But Jiyong-”

“No Seunghyun… I can’t… I think I should go back to the house and sleep there for tonight.”

And with that Jiyong got up, leaving Seunghyun in stunned silence.

That was the last time he saw the boy until the next summer.


	6. The Winter Visit

At least that's what he thought.

It was the 22nd of December and Seunghyun was working a shift at the hardware store when he felt his phone vibrate. Looking out to the vacant parking lot he saw the wind blow the barren tree branches and he knew that it wouldn't blow in more customers. Pulling out his phone he saw a message from Liam.

Where have you been? It's been like a good 2 weeks since I saw you.

He sighed into the empty store and exited out of the message, leaving it to join the other dozens of messages left by his friends over the last couple months. He'll admit it. He's been avoiding them. He's been avoiding everyone really. But ever since the summer, he just doesn't know what to feel anymore. It feels as though a huge gaping hole is in the middle of his chest and no matter what he tries to put into it, it never seems to be enough. And after a certain point he gave up trying to fill the void and instead let it overcome him, and he drifted into this nothingness.

Nothing seems to interest him. Nothing makes him happy, nothing makes him sad. Nothing makes him excited. He's just nothing.

He just continues going through the motions of life on autopilot. School. Study. Eat. Work. Sleep. And then repeat.

After the night Jiyong left him, he felt like his world had frozen. He was in a state of shock and nothing made sense. He was confused, pissed off, but most of all he was heart broken. It had taken him so long to finally come to the conclusion that he had feelings for the younger boy and when he had reached for the boy, he left him grasping at air. He had laid himself out there, his emotions naked for the boy to see but when he walked away from him, he was left cold, alone and in pain.

The weeks right after it happened, he stayed home and only went to school. He didn't talk to anyone except for the basic necessity and would lock himself in his room for the rest of the time. His parents thought he was sick and tried to force him to go to the doctor several times, and just to get them to off his back, Seunghyun decided he would try and start working at the hardware store again instead of it just being a summer job.

It was a nice distraction... for a while, but he soon realized that being at the store gave him plenty of time to let his mind dwell on thoughts that he had been avoiding. If he had been at home, he could have drowned himself in homework or books, really anything to take his mind off of Jiyong. But at the store, business was going at a snail’s pace and there were only so many ways you could rearrange the displays by the registers. So as he played with a small wooden bear keychain he let his mind drift to the only thing that it seems to think about; Jiyong.

The first month after the boy had left, Seunghyun was heartbroken. The second month he was confused and contemplated about whether or not he really was attracted to the boy. The third month he was starting to become angry and spiteful towards the boy, thinking that he had just been playing with his emotions. But now as it’s the middle of the fourth month, Seunghyun's accepted that he likes Jiyong as more than a friend and there's no use in trying to deny it or to change his feelings.

He thinks that maybe if he lets his heart and mind settle, the feeling will just blend into the back of his mind, becoming white noise that never goes away. Maybe it will become louder as it gets closer to summer, but he has a good 5 months before that happens.

5:30 rolls around and Mr. Thompson comes up from the back office, letting out a yawn. "Hey Seunghyun... you can go home early if you want. It's been dead for a good hour or so."

Seunghyun perks up. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah go ahead. I'll count the drawer and close up."

"O-okay... goodnight sir," Seunghyun said as put the keychain back and took off his uniform vest, tucking it under the counter.

He was halfway down the road he felt his phone vibrate again. Thinking it was Liam yelling at him for not replying he decided to ignore it, but it kept on vibrating and so he fished it out of his pocket and saw that his mom was calling.

"Hello?"

"Oh good, you picked up. Are you off work yet?"

"Yeah Mr. Thompson let me go early, why?"

"Well Mrs. Lee just called asking what we were bringing over for dinner tonight and I completely forgot to buy more seasoning for the vegetables that I promised I'd bring. Could you stop by the store and pick some up? You know which kind, right?"

Seunghyun was a little confused and he voiced it. "Umm mom... what are you even talking about? Why are we eating over at the Lee's?"

"Seunghyun! I told you at least half a dozen times this past week! The rest of the Lee's family are coming into town for Christmas and they invited us over as sort of a big welcome party."

It was a good thing that he lived in a small town because as soon as the words of his mother registered in his head, he slammed on the brakes and stopped in the middle of the road knowing that no cars were in his vicinity for a good couple miles.

"Wait what? The entire family is coming together? Even Jiyong and his family?"

"Yes Seunghyun, I told you the other day and you even nodded in response. I swear, what is going through you head lately?"

His mind was on overload and it was a wonder that he didn't drop the phone from his hands.

Jiyong was coming into town. Jiyong was in town. He's here and I will see him tonight.

His breathing started to come out heavily, his heart was racing and he shut his eyes trying to calm himself down.

"Seunghyun are you there?" His mother's voice called him out of his oncoming panic attack.

"Yeah mom I'm here. I'll stop and pick up what you need. When does this dinner start again?"

"At 7 dear. Mrs. Lee said that one of their sons families were caught in traffic outside of Nashville so their holding off until they get here."

An hour and a half... an hour and a half until he comes face to face with the boy that he has been thinking about nonstop for 4 months now. He was not ready for this.

"O-oh... ok. I'll be home soon."

"Ok then. Have a safe drive, the weather seems to be getting colder. We might even get some flurries tonight."

"Ok mom, I will. See you soon."

He hung up the phone and threw his head back to lean up against the headrest.

"Fuck..." he sighed.

He thought he would have months to prepare for this moment, not less than 2 hours. He wasn't ready. And nor did he think he ever will be.

Not wanting to face the wrath of his mother he rubbed his hands over his face trying to clear his mind enough to start driving again.

He made it home by 6:05 and his mother gave his a peculiar look as he handed her the newly bought seasoning.

"Honey are you feeling alright?" she asked as she lifted her hand up to feel his forehead.

If it was any other day he would have batted it away and said he was fine but his mind was still reeling from the bomb of information she had dropped earlier.

"Yeah... I just had to move a lot today at work so I'm a little tired," he lied.

"Okay, well why don't you go take a nice warm shower and cleanup for dinner. I'll add the seasoning and then the vegetable should be done in 45 minutes." She patted his cheek and for a second he leaned into the comforting feeling but then nodded and went upstairs to do as his mother suggested.

The shower helped. At least as much as it could, but the constant battle waging in Seunghyun's mind did little to assist in his “calming down”. Eventually he got out and got dressed, throwing on a pair of black jeans and a white and grey sweater. Only when he had the sweater on, did he realize that it was slightly too tight but he was too lazy and fed up with himself to change.

His mother called about 10 minutes later and the family walked out into the cold December air to the Lee’s house. His father grabbed the side door and pulled it opened after he knocked and some yelled from inside to come in. Seunghyun carried the tray of freshly roasted potatoes, carrots and onions that his mom made and the smell was making his stomach grumble. Apparently he was so focused on Jiyong that he didn’t realize how hungry he was.

One of Mrs. Lee’s daughters came up and took the tray out of his hand as she greeted him and his family. Seunghyun had never seen the kitchen so full before. There were at least 3 different pots on the stove cooking, probably something in the oven, a few dishes on the table and about 6 people moving about trying to finish everything off. Well 9 people now including his family and him.

Hearing a squeal of a small girl from somewhere in the house followed by a bunch giggles, Seunghyun turned to see a girl that looked to be about 5 years old running into the kitchen and throwing herself up against one of the other women.

“Mommy! Hide me, a big scary dragon is gonna eat me!”

“Rrrraaaaawwwww!”

Seunghyun watched as Jiyong walked into the kitchen with his arms up and hands made to look like claws and stomped his way over to where the girl was hiding. The girls’ mother smiled at Jiyong and said, “Jiyong thank you for playing with her while we cook, but could you take it out to the living room it’s too crowded. Oh and say hello to our guests.”

It hurt. It really hurt to watch as Jiyong looked up and took notice of him for the first time only to see the smile fade from his face as he saw who it was. Seunghyun froze and all of a sudden he didn’t feel like eating anymore. His stomach twisted as he watched Jiyong lower his hands and shove them in his pockets.

“Your aunt told you to say hello. Now don’t be rude!” Mrs. Lee yelled at the teen who very quickly he greeted Seunghyun’s mom and dad, but avoided eye contact with him altogether. He then grabbed the little girls arm and rushed out of the kitchen, leaving everyone else to stand around awkwardly.

Mrs. Lee turned to him after a few seconds and asked, “What’s the matter with him?”

Before Seunghyun could process what had just happened, Jiyong’s mother spoke up, “Oh don’t mind him. He’s just going through some weird phase. Even on the drive up he was acting strange.” She then turned to Seunghyun and his family and said, “Why don’t you all go join everyone else in the living room. Dinner should be done here in a minute.”

Seunghyun’s father pushed him to move forward and said, “Thank you, we’ll get out of your hair and let you finish.” They all shuffled into the living room and saw they rest of the Lee family. When his family walked in one of Jiyong’s uncles looked up and smiled as he welcomed them. Seunghyun recognized many of the faces, some of the aunts and uncles of Jiyong, as well as his cousins because his family and the Lee’s family have been friends since before he was adopted and seeing the familiar faces made this feel like a family reunion for both his and Jiyong’s family. Jiyong’s uncle motioned for them to sit on the couch; Seunghyun took the end seat so he could avoid conversation as much as possible. Also because it was close to where Jiyong and his little cousin were playing on the floor by the fire place.

Like always everyone made small talk for a few minutes, catching up on each other’s lives, but Seunghyun let the chatter become background noise as he watched Jiyong. They paid no attention to him, either because he was avoiding him (most likely) or because he was too enamored with his younger cousin (she was really adorable). But whatever the reason, Seunghyun was just glad to see his friend again no matter what, especially when he would smile as he played with the little one. He watched as Jiyong stole something from the girl, who at first didn’t notice, and hid whatever it was behind his back. When the girl noticed, she stood up; her height matching Jiyong's' while he sat and she proceed to yell at him. He feigned innocence but the girl wouldn’t buy it and she threw herself on to him, knocking them to the floor.

Both of them giggled and it made Seunghyun’s ears tingle at the sound. The girl started tickling Jiyong and his laughter filled the room. Finally the girl got back the figurine that Jiyong had taken hostage and stood back up. The boy took a moment to steady his breathing and opened his eyes only to see that he was being watched.

Any other time Seunghyun probably would have looked away, embarrassed at getting caught, but he wasn’t this time. He was glad to finally have the boys attention. But fate didn’t think it was the right timing because before both of them could say anything, Mrs. Lee came into the living room and announced that dinner was ready.

To say that dinner was awkward... well that was completely true. Seunghyun had taken his seat first, before Jiyong did, at the foldable table that they had added to the end of the dining room table to make more seats available. Before Jiyong could avoid him even more, most of the other family members took the seats at the main part of the table, leaving Jiyong forced to sit at the same table as Seunghyun. Of course he left a seat in between him and the older boy, which Jiyong's older sister took notice and wedged her way in between them.

As she took her napkin off the plate in front of her and spread it across her lap, she leaned towards Seunghyun and whispered, "What's going on with you and Jiyong."

He stiffened because he was almost positive that Dami had spoken loud enough for Jiyong to hear as well. He could feel her stare and his cheeks started to turn pink. Leaning closer and lowering her voice she spoke again. "He's avoiding you like the plague. Usually he's like your freaking shadow he's so attached to you. What happened? What did you do?"

The way she said it wasn't in an accusatory tone, he could tell she was genuinely curious about what had happened. Which was still strange to begin with because they barely ever had conversations with each other, but not wanting to have two Kwons pissed off at him he quietly said, "I honestly don't know. You should be asking him."

And of course, being the not so subtle person that Dami is, she whipped her head in her brothers direction. Seunghyun heard that they didn't say anything but he soon saw Jiyong leaning forward to glare at him as he hissed out, "What did you say to her."

Not really wanting to deal with this situation on an empty stomach he replied, "Hello Jiyong, nice to see you again." And then grabbed his plate and began filling it with whatever food was in front of him. Halfway through dinner, their end of the table was basically in complete silence except when one of the other family members asked him, Jiyong or Dami a question. Seunghyun had finished eating his baked ham and was now pushing his peas and carrots into his mashed potatoes like the 5 year old he felt like at the moment.

"Well this is just awkward..." Dami interjected into the silence.

Seunghyun heard Jiyong's fork that had been scraping across his pate, suddenly stop. The younger boy set down the silver utensil and from the corner of Seunghyun's eye he could see that Jiyong was about to stand up. But he decided that it was his turn to do the leaving. His chairs legs scraped across the hardwood floors and some of the other family members looked up at the sudden movement.

Seunghyun quickly throughout an apology for being loud and gathered his plate, clearing his seat, and walked his dirty dishes into the kitchen. At first he thought he was being rude because he was the only one that had gotten up, but soon after a couple other people followed suit and started bringing in their dirty dishes as well, letting them pile up in the sink.

Everyone eventually retired back to the living room to let the food settle from dinner and enjoy the warmth of the fireplace. But this time he made a point to sit as far away from Jiyong as possible. He didn't feel like playing this... whatever it was, game.

Some of Jiyong's aunts came and sat by him and his family, again with the whole catching up thing. He played his part of the charming Seunghyun but he was getting to the point where he just wanted to go up to the loft and crawl into a ball and ignore the world. Because obviously "it" was ignoring him, or rather “he”.

But after a while Mr. Lee noticed that the fire was dwindling and said that he would run out to the back and get some more firewood. Seunghyun's mother heard him and proceed to elbow her son in the ribs as she said that he should go get the firewood for the older man. Being the southern gentleman that he was, he stood up and offered to do it instead.

He was halfway out the living room when he heard Dami's voice speak up and say rather loudly, "Jiyong, why don't you help him?" She had meant for everyone to hear it but she played it off as if Jiyong was supposed to be the only one who should have heard her.

Seunghyun turned on his heel and watched as Jiyong did and internal debate on whether or not he should really help him, but everyone else in the living room now had their eyes on the younger boy and finally Jiyong lowered his head in defeat. He stood up and slowly made his way in the direction of Seunghyun and passed by saying, "Come on, I'll help you get the firewood."

Seunghyun watched as Jiyong walked passed him with his hands stuffed into his jeans. It seemed like that is becoming his go to pose in order to avoid any form of communication. He was coming up to the last of his patience with the boy, but nevertheless he found himself following Jiyong out the side door. However instead of just walking behind him, he decided to push past the boy which caused their shoulders to knock together as he made his way into the cold December air.

His mother had been right earlier about the chance of flurries tonight. He saw small bundles of ice falling from the sky as they passed through the beam of light being projected from the flood lights on the side of the house. Opening the door to the Lee’s shed; Seunghyun found the firewood piled up in the back corner. A few seconds later he heard the scruff of Jiyong’s boots on the threshold of the shed and instead of talking he grabbed a piece of wood, and rather harshly, handed it to the boy.

“Dude, what is your problem?” Jiyong asked as he rubbed his stomach where the block of wood slammed up against it.

Seunghyun turned around so fast that for a second he thought he gave himself whiplash.

“What is my problem? Really? What the hell is your problem?”

Jiyong looked startled at his sudden outburst and lowered his eyes while he mumbled, “Sorry…”

“Sorry for what? Sorry for treating me like shit? Or sorry for ignoring me all night long?”

“I… I just…”, Jiyong let the piece of wood fall from his fingers as he sunk down and sat on a box head in his hands.

“Just what?”

The boy released a sigh and then finally looked up to Seunghyun.

“I just thought it would be what you wanted. After everything that happened over the summer, I thought that maybe, now that some time has passed, you realized that it was all a mistake. That you were just confused.”

“Well if you had actually spoken to me, I would have told you that none of that’s true. When my mom told me you were in town I was really looking forward to seeing you again. And I don’t know, maybe trying to pick up where we left off. But right now, after the way you treated me, I’m just pissed,” Seunghyun said in a harsher tone than he meant to. He quickly turned back to gathering firewood and was out of the shed before the Jiyong could respond. He was tired, cold, and angry and didn’t feel like talking about this at the moment.

As he walked back to the house he sucked in a deep breath that burned his throat. It was a welcomed feeling, something, anything that would distract the hurt in his heart from what the boy had said because it hurt to think that Jiyong had taken his feelings so lightly. That he would’ve changed his mind so easily.

Hearing a couple pieces of wood fall behind him in the distance, probably from Jiyong trying to carry too many, he decided to make his way back into the house before the boy had a chance to catch up with him.

Walking into the chatter filled living room, Seunghyun padded over to the fire place and deposited the blocks of wood that he had carried. Quickly he grabbed the fire poker and made sure that they settled in the glowing flames which were already licking scorch marks on the new wood as they hissed and popped from the heat. The heat was a welcome change from previous bitter cold that he had just come in from but even though the warmth seeped into his clothes it wasn't able to make its way through the cold bitterness that was growing fast in his heart from the boy that he had left out in the cold. He just couldn’t understand why Jiyong didn’t try to at least talk to him before he decided what he was feeling. No he had to go and decide his feeling for him.

Almost as if he had summoned him by just thinking of him, Jiyong had finally made his way into the house and kneeled beside Seunghyun, setting down his own batch of firewood to be used for later.

"Seunghyun can we-"

He didn't let the boy finish, instead he turned and walked towards his parents, giving them a half assed excuse about not feeling well and asked if he could go home. Looking a little bewildered, his mother darted her eyes towards the fireplace where he had just come from and saw Jiyong looking in their direction with hurt in his eyes.

"Honey, is everything ok with-"

"Mom," Seunghyun dropped his gaze to his feet and let his shoulders sag. "I just really want to go home right now..."

She reached out and patted him on the thigh as she answered, "Alright hon, just say your thanks to the Lee's and tell them you'll see them later before you leave, okay?"

Nodding in agreement he silently went over to the Lee's and did what his mother asked of him. However the entire time he could feel a certain pair of eyes on him and he dared not look in that direction. Walking over to his mother one final time, he kissed her on the temple saying goodbye and then made his way back out to the cold.

The next day he was in the middle of getting ready to go into work when his father called him from somewhere down stairs.

"Seunghyun, Mr. Thompson is on the phone."

Tugging the remaining part of his shirt on, he ran downstairs and took the phone out of his father’s hand as he brought up the receiver to his ear. "Hello Mr. Thompson, is something the matter?"

"Oh no son, it’s just that last night there was more snow than we expected and the roads are pretty slick so I decided that we're not gonna open today. Plus I don't want your mother to kill me if something were happen to you while you're drivin to the shop."

"Oh... alright sir. Thank you."

"No problem. Stay safe."

"You too sir."

Setting down the receiver he looked back to his father who had been watching him from the kitchen counter as he poured what was probably his third cup of coffee.

"So what was that about?"

"He was just saying how the roads are iced so he decided not to open the store today."

"Smart man. I'd hate to see what your mother would have done if something happened to you."

Seunghyun let out a small chuckle, "He said the exact same thing."

"I knew there was a reason he and I got along, we're both scared of you mother."

They both erupted into laughter.

"Who’s scared of me?" His mother's voice broke through their cackles, sobering them up rather quickly.

"Everyone," Seunghyun mumbled out and before his mother could smack him he darted out of the kitchen and back up to his room, but before shutting his door he yelled back down to her, "But I still love you."

Once the click of the door knob sounded he let out a small huff of laughter, but then soon came to the realization that he had nothing to do for the rest of the day. It felt weird, it was a first for him in a long while because up until now he was either busy with school or work but now he didn’t have either to distract his mind. Sighing in his room he picked up a forgotten book on his nightstand and fell onto his bed as he tried to find where he had left off in the story.

Next door…

“Jiyong… Jiyooong.”

He felt his sister’s breath ghost over the shell of his ear as she antagonized him. She poked his side making him twitch a little and scoot over trying to avoid further distraction. But he didn’t really know what he was focusing on in order to warrant the ceasing of his sisters pesky musings. His head rested in his hands as he stared off into the empty space of the small room noticing the clothing already popping out of Dami’s suitcase in the corner. They hadn’t even been in the house a day and she was already making a mess of things.

“Jiiiiii….” she whined again in his ear.

“What?” he asked, and even to his own ears he sounded fed up.

“I’m bored.”

“Well why don’t you go upstairs and watch TV or something?”

“Because Uncle Anthony is hogging it. And plus if I go upstairs mom will make me sit in the kitchen and listen to grandma drone on about the latest gossip in town.”

“Then go hang out with cousin Jenny.”

“She got a new boyfriend and all she does is talk to him on the phone.”

“Well at least someone in this family is capable of getting a boyfriend,” he mumbled.

“What was that?” Dami asked rather loudly as she pushed him and he rolled onto his side facing her.

“Nothing Dami… just leave me alone,” he grumbled

“No I heard something about a boyfriend. Ji is this why you're so depressed on this trip, because you like someone and you miss them?”

He looked up to his sister and saw a hint of excitement and curiosity in her eyes. He was always close with his sister, they could talk about anything and everything. She was even the first person he told about how he liked guys. He always told her if he liked someone but that was before this summer had happened. When he came home he didn’t tell her about the things that happened between him and Seunghyun but he knew that she knew something had happened. And that was one thing he liked about his sister, she never really truly pushed him to talk about something if he didn’t want to talk about it.

However that seemed to be quickly fading due to her boredom at the moment. And apparently he had taken too long to respond to the question his sister asked because next thing he knew she was beating him up in a playful manner. “Ji! Why didn’t you tell me? Who is he? Does he go to your school? Tell me everything!”

He grabbed the closest pillow and shoved it over his face letting out a loud groan of frustration.

“Nope I’m not letting you get of it this time, Ji. Tell me all about it,” she insisted and she tried to peel the cushion away from his face.

Their eyes met and after a quick internal debate with himself he relented, deciding that he could talk to her about what was going on but would never really tell her that the person he liked was the boy who currently lived next door.

So tiptoeing around the truth as much as possible he told her the story about how he liked a close friend and how he didn’t think that his friend would ever see him like that. But then one day his friend confessed and he was stupid enough to say that maybe it wasn’t for the best. Then he didn’t see that friend in a really long time and recently they ran into each other, but he didn’t really talk to his friend when they saw each other. His friend was pissed at how he was treating him but then he explained how he thought that it was what his friend would want. However, despite all that, his friend confessed that his feelings hadn’t changed.

When he was done with his story he looked up to see Dami’s reaction and the last thing he expected was for her to be smiling from ear to ear.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

She realized that she was smiling and tried her best to compose herself. “I knew it.”

His heart skipped a beat and he sat up to better look at his sister. “Knew what?”

“Oh come on how could I not, Ji it was so obvious.”

He was starting to panic a little and the glint in her eye was really starting to scare him. “Dami what are you talking about?”

“Ji, really… I knew you liked Seunghyun.”

“WHAT? How did you know I was talking about him?”

“Anyone with eyes could tell from the way you looked at him yesterday. And I already had my suspicions from when you came back from the summer, because every time someone asked how your summer was or how Seunghyun was you sorta, I don’t know, you sorta, made a face or tried changing the topic.”

Lowering his eyes, he threaded his fingers through the holes in the crocheted afghan blanket that his grandmother had made.

“Just like that, you always avoid the topic of Seunghyun.”

“Then what am I supposed to do? He hates me right now.”

“You still like him right? And he said that he still likes you too so why don’t you, oh I don’t know, talk to him. I’m sure if you do things will work out.”

“You really think so?”

“I don’t know him that well but while you weren’t making googly eyes at him last night, he sure was making them towards you.”

“Dami!”

“Well it’s true. He kept stealing glances all night long. Just talk to him.” She moved across the bed and began pushing him off the bed.

“Not right now!”

“Why not?”

“ ‘Cause he’s probably at work.”

“Fine then,” she stopped nudging him but then laid back down on her side and said, “well then since we don’t have anything to do then you should tell me all about this summer.”

He threw her a look that he hoped would seem like that was the last thing he wanted to do but then acting like a middle schooler she threatened, “If you don’t then I’m running upstairs and telling everyone that you’re crushing on the boy next door.” And she even made a motion of getting up off the bed. But Jiyong pulled her down. “Alright! Alright… what do you want to know?”

“Just start from the beginning,” she said as she pulled a pillow under her chin and settled in for story time. He chuckled and then fell onto his back. If he was going to do this, he didn’t want to face her; it was already embarrassing enough.

 

~

 

It was around 9 p.m. and most of the family was in the living room in the middle of their Christmas movie night when there was a knock at the door. Jiyong’s father was the closest to the door so he proceeded to open it and see who the visitor was.

“Oh James,” Jiyong looked to the front door to see that Seunghyun’s father was standing in the doorway. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Not really, I was just looking for Seunghyun,” The older man peeked into the room and caught Jiyong’s eye. “Jiyong have you seen Seunghyun around?” Not wanting to disturb the rest of his family members as they watched Scrooge come to the realization that everything was a dream, he quietly walked to the front door to speak with Mr. Cook. They stepped outside into the cold night and the older man continued, “He said he was going out with friends earlier this afternoon around 1 p.m. and said he’d be back in time for dinner, but he still hasn’t showed.”

“Sorry… I haven’t seen him since yesterday at dinner.” Jiyong admitted but noticed that Mr. Cook had a panicked looked on his face. “Is everything alright sir?”

“No, I’m sure it’s nothing. He probably just lost track of time or something.”

“James!” Jiyong and Seunghyun’s father both turned at the sudden shout that came over from the Cooks’ front porch and saw Mrs. Cook holding onto a cordless phone. “I just called Liam’s house and he said that Seunghyun left about 2 hours ago.”

Jiyong heard Seunghyun’s father curse under his breath but he didn’t understand really what this situation was adding up to. “Sir is something going on?”

Mr. Cook ran his hands through his hair. “It’s just that with the snowfall from last night and today the roads are iced.”

Jiyong’s stomach dropped at that information. A thousand things ran through his mind and pictures flashed past his eyes as he put two and two together. Is Seunghyun alright? What if he had an accident? What if he’s in a ditch somewhere and can’t get out? Maybe he’s hurt and in pain. What if he never gets to see him again? Panic quickly overtook him and he suddenly felt light headed.

“Sorry to bother you and your family, Jiyong. I’m going to go see if I can drive around and find out where he is.”

“Do you need help? I can come with you?”

“No it’s alright.”

Mr. Cook was about to turn away when Jiyong asked, “Did you try his cell phone?”

“Yeah but he’s not picking that up either.” Again Jiyong’s stomach dropped. “But that’s nothing new. He always forgets to charge that stupid thing.”

“Oh…”

“I’m sure he’s ok,” Mr. Cook tried to reassure him. “I’ll let you know when he comes home.”

Jiyong nodded and watched as the older man walked back over to his house and immediately jumped into his truck.

It was past midnight when Jiyong saw headlights light the road from down the street. Ever since Mr. Cook had left to go find Seunghyun he had been in such a constant panic that all he could do was sit on the porch and wait for the man and his friend to return home safely. He didn’t care if it had dropped below freezing temperatures and the fact that he couldn’t feel his fingers. He just knew that he had to know that Seunghyun was safe. He had probably made a trail in the tacky astroturf that covered the floor of his grandparents porch from all his pacing back and forth. But as soon as he saw those light he stopped in his tracks and held his breath. Because it wasn’t just one truck that pulled up into the Cooks’ driveway, it was two. Watching as the flood lights came on he saw Mr. Cook get out of his truck and the seconds later he saw Seunghyun climbing out of his.

Before he knew it, Jiyong had opened the screen door and was running across the yard towards Seunghyun and threw himself up against the older boy.

“Whoa!” Seunghyun exclaimed as he felt slim arms wrap themselves around his waist and squeezed as hard they could. “Jiyong?”

“I am so glad to see you,” he heard the boy mumble against his stomach. He thought his heart was going to stop. He couldn’t believe that Jiyong was in his arms right now, let alone that the boy was the one to initiate the contact.

Seunghyun heard his father chuckle and say, “I guess he was waiting.”

Jiyong, who was still buried in Seunghyun’s chest simply nodded and Seunghyun’s stomach did a flip. Jiyong was waiting for me? Jiyong was worried about me?

Mr. Cook reached up and patted the younger boy on the head as he said, “I’m sorry I made you worry. But Seunghyun’s fine now, as you can see.”

Seunghyun brought his hands up to Jiyong’s shoulders and pulled the boy away from him so he could get a better look. What he wasn’t expecting was red-rimmed eyes as they fought back the tears that were slowly pooling in the corners of his eyes. “Jiyong, it’s ok. I’m fine. I’m here,” he tried to console the boy, but it only made him rest his head back onto his chest. Seunghyun felt Jiyong shudder while he took a shaky breath and grumbled, “I thought… I thought you might have…” He didn’t hear Jiyong finish his sentence; instead he felt the boys’ grip tighten.

“Ji, I can’t breathe.”

“Oh god! I’m sorry!” Jiyong said as he quickly withdrew himself from Seunghyun. He noticed that the boy brought his hands up and quietly wiped the wetness from his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Seunghyun go on in and see your mother real fast, she’s in a panic, and then you can come back out and talk to Jiyong, alright.”

Seunghyun nodded and looked to Jiyong to see if he heard. He did and before he went inside he said, “Give a few minutes and then meet me in the loft.”

“Ok.”

“But put on something warmer, your freezing.” Seunghyun turned to see that his father had already gone inside and ever so quickly, he brought his hand up to cup Jiyong’s face, brushing his thumb across the apple of his pink cheek. He didn’t say anything, they just took each other in and then he pulled himself away from the boy to make his way back inside.

After what seemed like forever, trying to calm down his mother and tell her what had happened, he ran up to his room, quickly changed into something warmer, grabbed a blanket and was out the front door making his way to the barn where Jiyong was waiting. He looked up and saw that the light was on and suddenly Seunghyun felt like his heart was in his throat. He was excited and nervous at seeing the boy again, just like he felt the previous night, but this time he knew for a fact that Jiyong was waiting to see him as well. Taking the steps two at a time, Seunghyun ran up and saw Jiyong sitting on the futon, already wrapped up in a blanket. However as soon as the boy laid eyes on him, he jumped up and ran towards him.

Time seemed to slow down for Seunghyun as he watched the boy make his way towards him because he noticed something different about the boys eyes and once he realized what it was, it was too late. Jiyong had reached up and grabbed Seunghyun’s face, bringing it down to him as he pressed their lips together. Seunghyun felt like his body was going to spontaneously combust. From Jiyong’s fingertips on his face to Jiyong’s lips on his, every point that they were connected felt like fire. And before he could think twice, he brought his hands up to the boy’s waist and pulled him closer as he deepened their kiss.

Jiyong sighed and slowly pulled away, breathing in some much needed oxygen into his lungs as he whispered, “God I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

Seunghyun chuckled, “I’ve wanted you to do that for so long.”

He watched as Jiyong cheeks went from pink from the cold to red from embarrassment. The boys’ eyes darted a couple different places before finally coming to a rest on the middle of Seunghyun’s chest as he mumbled out, “I am so sorry about everything. I’m stupid. And horrible. But when your father came over today and said that you were missing, all I could think about was what if something happened to you and you never knew how I felt.” Jiyong finished by letting out another sigh as he rested his forehead against Seunghyun’s sternum.

Seunghyun let the boy know he understood by pulling him closer and tighter in his grasp as he said, “I was fine. A little cold but that was about it.”

“What happened?”

“Well I was driving home from Liam’s house and I hit some black ice on the road and my truck skidded off into a ditch.” He heard Jiyong gasp and he moved his hand to smooth down the boys hair as he continued, “It was my back wheels that went into the ditch and it wasn’t really that shallow.”

“But you’re ok, right?”

“My back bumper has a slight dent and I my neck hurts a bit, probably from whiplash, but that’s about it.”

“Then what took so long?” It warmed Seunghyun’s heart to see how worried the boy was for him and this time he decided to show him how much he appreciated it. Leaning down he captured Jiyong lips into another kiss, this one shorter but still full of all the feelings that he had been keeping bottled up since summer. It seemed like now they had officially cross the line of friendship, he couldn’t help himself when the boy was in his arms.

It was Jiyong’s turn to suck in a breath and Seunghyun smiled at the sound with their lips still pressed against each other’s. When he pulled back he said, “Well I tried walking to the nearest house, but you know how it goes when you’re on a back road; the nearest house could be a mile away. And it turns out that I had chosen the longer direction to start walking because the closest house was like, 2 miles away. But finally I got there and the nice couple let me use their phone. I called my dad who was already out looking for me and I told him where I was. He picked me up and then we spent a great deal of time tryin to get my truck out of the ditch. You know, ‘cause it’s so easy to do that in the dark and the freezing cold.”

Jiyong laughed and Seunghyun could feel the vibrations seeping into his own body. It was such an amazing feeling to finally be able hold the boy in his arms and he thought that Jiyong was thinking the same way because they stood there for who knows how long, just happy to be in each presence.

A shiver went down Jiyong spine and Seunghyun pressed his palm against Jiyong’s cheek again. “Ji, you’re freezing. How long were you waiting outside?”

A nervous chuckle escaped the younger boy as he confessed, “Well your dad left the house around 9, so….”

“You were sitting outside for 3 hours?” Seunghyun exclaimed.

Jiyong pulled back and stuck out his bottom lip in a slight pout. “I wanted to make sure you were ok and that you made it home safe.”

Seeing the protruding lip of the boy, Seunghyun let a loud laughter escape him as he pulled Jiyong in for another rib-crushing hug.

“I'm so glad you’re here…” Seunghyun confessed after a few minutes of silence.

“Me too,” Jiyong whispered as another chill ran down his spine.

Seunghyun parted from the boy and leaned down to pick up the blanket he had dropped when Jiyong kissed him and proceeded to wrap it around the boys’ shoulders.

“Well it’s getting late. We should go to bed.” Seunghyun said even though his heart wasn’t agreeing with what his mouth was saying.”

“But…” Jiyong said as he clutched the sleeve of Seunghyun sweater.

Seunghyun stared at Jiyong for a minute, thinking about how he too didn’t want to part from the boy. And then he made a quick decision. “Do you wanna come over and spend the night?”

“Really?” Jiyong whipped his head up to look at him and he silently nodded. “Okay…” the boy replied as a smile broke out across his face.

Before he could take the chance that Jiyong would change his mind, Seunghyun grabbed his hand, making sure to thread their fingers together, and pulled him down the stairs.

They quietly made it into his house and upstairs to his room; hands still entwined. Seunghyun shut his door and immediately pulled Jiyong into a kiss, this time letting his tongue brush against the boys’ lower lip. He felt him shudder and smile into the kiss but he pulled away before things could go further. Seunghyun let out a small whine that he didn’t even know he could make and he felt heat rising to his face. The things this boy could do to him and they weren’t even officially together.

Speaking of which…

Resting his hands on Jiyong’s hips he looked into his eyes and softly asked, “So what does this,” he wiggled the boy with his hands, “make us? Are we like… going out now?” he saw a few emotions flash across Jiyong’s face and after a few heart stopping seconds the boy spoke up.

“I want us to… if you want to… but….”

“But what?” Seunghyun asked as his stomach fell.

“I really really like you and I know you really really like me too, but I leave the day after Christmas and I won’t be back until summer…”

Seunghyun let the information sink in and looked up to the ceiling, letting out a sigh. “Well honestly I don’t want you to leave… ever. But if you’re up for trying something long distance, I’d be game.” He let his words settle around them as they looked at each other and then he added, “And just think… you’ll be back in a few months and then we can spend every day with each other.”

Jiyong smiled. “That sounds nice.”

“So… is that a yes?”

Jiyong twisted his mouth into a goofy face that he probably thought made him look like he was thinking really hard about it, but after 2 seconds he rested his chin on the older boys chest and looked him in the eyes as he said, “Yes”

Seunghyun picked him up in bear hug and kissed the top of his head. When he set him back down on his feet he pulled him in for another kiss and this time Jiyong let his lips part, letting Seunghyun slip his tongue into the boys mouth. Jiyong gave a quiet moan and Seunghyun felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest. Pulling away, with the taste of Jiyong lingering on his lips, Seunghyun said, “Ok we really need to go to bed before something else happens.”

“Well someone sure does have dirty mind…”

“Hey I’m a teenage boy.”

“And now I don’t know if this is such a good idea.” Jiyong playfully said as Seunghyun started changing into his pajama pants. “Who knows, you could steal my innocence in my sleep.”

“There’s nothing innocent about you.” Seunghyun shot back.

Jiyong scoffed, “Excuse me but I am the poster boy of innocence.”

“I highly doubt that, but if you don’t trust me you can sleep on the cold floor.” Seunghyun was having too much fun bantering with Jiyong. It felt great to have his best friend back.

“Fine, but hands to yourself,” he said as he walked towards the bed and slipped under the covers next to Seunghyun.

“Well I don’t know about that,” he said and wrapped his arms around Jiyong waist, pulling him up against his body, wanting to share his warmth. Jiyong smacked him halfheartedly. “Alright fine, my hands won’t go anywhere you don’t want…”

“You think you’re sneaky don’t you?” Jiyong whispered.

“I try.”

Jiyong chuckled but relented and let himself be encompassed in the older boys arms, finally defrosting from spending hours in the cold.

The next morning, Jiyong was the first to wake. Slowly he opened his eyes but then quickly clenched them shut. He didn’t want to wake up from this dream and he thought that surely he was in a dream since he woke up to a sleeping Seunghyun next to him. Braving another chance, he cracked one eye opened and stifled a laugh as the older boys face came into focus. Seunghyun had his mouth parted with a little drool leaking onto his pillow.

Such a sexy face, Jiyong joked to himself. He scooted closer to take the opportunity to look at Seunghyun’s relaxed features. He saw thick eyebrows that outlined his eyes, a cute button nose and even a barely-there dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose and going across to his cheeks. He never noticed them before but now that he had, he quickly decided that they were his new favorite feature of… his boyfriend.

He sighed at the thought and his stomach was filled with butterflies. He couldn’t believe that they had actually agreed to start this… whatever it was destined to turn into. But Jiyong was happy and he could only hope that Seunghyun was just as happy as he was. They only had a couple days together but he would try to make the best of them.

Eventually Seunghyun woke up and they found themselves sharing a few morning kisses, both boys giddy to be waking up next to one another. But Jiyong soon came to the realization that his family would be freaking out, wondering where he had gone too, so they parted, promising to see each other again later that day.

Jiyong eventually walked into his grandmother’s house and found that the family was eating a late breakfast, which everyone had stopped chewing to look up at him as he entered the dining room.

“Where have you been?” his mother asked, well more like shouted from across the table.

His smile that he didn’t even realize he had until it fell at his mother’s words, faded and he studded, “Umm… I-I was… I spent the night at Seunghyun’s.”

A clatter of a fork dropping came from further down the table and Jiyong, along with a couple other family members, looked to see Dami sitting with her mouth hanging open. She quickly composed herself and apologized then picked her fork back up and stuffed her face full of eggs. Jiyong laughed but then his mother spoke again, “Okay honey, but next time, just let us know. We were worried.”

Jiyong and Dami kept their eye on each other and without looking at his mother he quirked his eyebrow slightly and said “Sure thing mom.”

Again Dami almost choked and Jiyong laughed as he pulled a chair up across from her and joined the family for breakfast.

It was officially the best Christmas vacation, he had decided.


	7. Discovery pt.1

Jiyong had just stuck his spoon into the bowl of mashed potatoes on the kitchen table when he heard a knock at the side door. Seeing the outline of a person from the door window, he knew exactly who it was and before he could say anything, his grandfather called out, "Come on in Seunghyun."

 

The door swung open to reveal the well-built older teen and Jiyong couldn't stop himself from smiling like a small child as he saw him enter.

 

"Sit down, we were just about to eat dinner," Mr. Lee offered.

 

"Thank you sir. I heard Jiyong came in a few hours ago and I wanted to come over and say hello," Seunghyun admitted as he sat next to the person he was talking about.

 

Jiyong's heart fluttered as he felt the older boy pat his shoulder while he pulled the chair out with the other one.

 

"Wow this looks great Mrs. Lee!"

 

"Only the best for my grandbaby," the older woman said as she put a forkful of corn in her mouth and offered a loving smile to Jiyong.

 

Seunghyun settled in his chair and scooted it forward, but before bringing his hand up to grab his utensils, he reached over and lightly rubbed Jiyong's thigh. Jiyong felt a tingle run down his spine and he dared not look to the other boy for fear of giving away how happy he truly was to see him.

 

The past couple months had been torture. They kept their word and tried the whole long distance thing. But it was tough. It was more along the lines of keeping up their friendship rather than an actual relationship. The first month, they texted and emailed back and forth on a regular basis but as the school year continued, the messages became fewer and fewer, leaving Jiyong with a longing to see his... boyfriend.

 

Even to him it still was an odd concept to grasp. That Seunghyun and him were... that the older boy actually liked him... like that. He found himself smiling like a crazy person on several nights as he tried falling asleep. He continually played the days he spent here over winter vacation over and over in his head. They had been short, but they were enough.

 

Before resuming his dinner he chanced a look at Seunghyun and quietly said, "It's good to see you again,” and nudged shoulders with the older boy.

 

Seunghyun used the excuse to grab Jiyong's glass of water-which was right next to Jiyong's left hand- and brushed their fingers together. The older boy almost gave himself away as he released a small sigh at feeling the contact of their heated skin finally touching for the first time in months. Jiyong stifled a giggle and continued eating so they could disappear to the loft afterwards.

 

Placing his napkin on the table after he took his last bite, Jiyong looked to his grandparents and asked, “Is it alright if Seunghyun and I go up to the loft and play some video games?"

 

Seeing the eagerness in the young boys face, Mr. Lee said, "Clean up your dishes first and then you boys can knock yourselves out."

 

Jiyong turned to Seunghyun, who looked to him as well. Smiling they both immediately jumped up, rushing to the sink.

 

In a matter of minutes the boys finished the dishes and were out the door, into the sticky summer air of the night. They raced each other up the stairs and after Jiyong exclaimed that he won, both of them collapsed onto the futon.

 

Out of breath, Seunghyun mumbled, "I'm so glad you're back," and brought his hand up to ruffle the younger boys hair.

 

Leaning into the affectionate gesture, Jiyong slid his body down a bit and rested his head on the older boys shoulder. "I am too. I've missed you."

 

Seunghyun’s heart swelled at the small admission and he continued to play with the fine hairs at the nape of Jiyong's neck.

 

"Did you miss me too?" Jiyong asked in a small voice.

 

Seunghyun couldn't help but grin at the innocence. "More than you know."

 

The younger boy wiggled and wrapped his arms around Seunghyun's waist as he snuggled into the warmth of his chest. Laughing, Seunghyun reciprocated the action and pulled him tight against himself. They sat there for who knows how long, in complete silence, save for their patterned breaths, until Seunghyun interrupted by saying, “As much as I love having you here like this, I really do want to play some games. I was just about to beat a level before work this morning.”

 

Jiyong grumbled about how he was comfortable and didn’t feel like moving, but Seunghyun was in fact stronger than him and without much trouble, the older boy untangled himself from Jiyong and went over to the TV stand; turning on his game console and grabbed his controller. Instead of taking his spot back on the futon, Seunghyun decided to sit on the floor, wedging himself in between Jiyong’s legs and using the futon to lean his back on.

 

Jiyong chuckled and watched as Seunghyun clicked random buttons trying to get to where he left off in the game. Honestly it didn’t bother him that Seunghyun wanted to play the video game instead of do something with him. He was just content to finally be back here with his boyfriend.

 

They had never really discussed it before he left in December, but Jiyong felt intimidated by the older boy when it came to physical touch. Sure they had kissed a few times, and no matter how many times they joked about being teenage boys, he felt that there was an innocence to their relationship. Like they wanted to be careful with one another. Jiyong felt like they both need to take it slow despite how much he had been longing to touch the other boy for months.

 

However, now that Seunghyun was literally right in front of him, Jiyong’s inhibitions went out the open loft window. After Seunghyun and finished the small battle in his game, his attention was on trying to roam the world of the video game and Jiyong took the chance to lean forward a bit while bringing his hand up to rest on Seunghyun’s shoulder. He felt the boy stiffen under his touch slightly and after a few seconds, Seunghyun relaxed again but Jiyong was right there to create more mischief. Letting his fingers roam over the fabric of Seunghyun’s t-shirt, Jiyong made them glide over his shoulder and then into the very edge of Seunghyun’s hair, right behind his ear.

 

Jiyong felt the older boy shiver as his head leaned away from the touch for a second and Jiyong felt like he might have made a mistake touching his boyfriend.

 

“…Sorry,” he offered and quickly brought his legs up on to the futon, laying on his side; still facing the TV.

 

“You just startled me is all,” Seunghyun murmured while turning his head to get a better look at the boy. What he didn’t expect was that Jiyong’s face would be right in front of his when he turned. Jiyong was never good at hiding his emotions and he could see the unintentional hurt in the boys' face. Without wasting the opportunity, Seunghyun leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

 

After pulling back, he said, "I know we never really talked about it before, but it's going to take some time for me to get used to... you know... us being together." He saw the boy blush under his intense stare. "I've only ever been in one relationship and that was freshman year… with a girl."

 

Jiyong slowly nodded his head in understanding. "So you don't mind if I touch you?"

 

Wanting to make himself perfectly clear, Seunghyun leaned further into the boys adorable face until their noses were touching. "I said I'm not used to it. Not that I didn't like it," he whispered and smiled while he gave the boy another quick peck.

 

Jiyong turned the color of a tomato and buried his face into the cushion of the futon while Seunghyun laughed it off and resumed his video game. After a few minutes, Jiyong picked himself up and rested his head on Seunghyun's shoulder for a brief second as he returned a kiss to him on his neck. Embarrassed by his boldness, Jiyong quickly resumed his position of hiding his face in the seat. When he heard the sound of Seunghyun cursing at the TV, he knew that that was his signal to come out from hiding, because Seunghyun was more interested in the boss battle than him. And only this time would he let it slide.

 

~

 

Unfortunately for Jiyong, Seunghyun had been called into work for the rest of the week on account that one of his coworkers had a death in the family, so as a result he didn't see much of the older boy until that Saturday night. As usual they had both ended up in the loft but instead of watching Seunghyun play his video games, Jiyong suggested that they watch a movie. Seunghyun liked the idea and brought up a couple movies that his father had just bought on DVD.

 

"Ok let’s see, we have Superbad, Transformers, Stardust, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, or Harry Potter 5," Seunghyun said as he spread them out in front of Jiyong.

 

"Oh!" Jiyong exclaimed as he picked one of them up. "You actually have Stardust?"

 

"I don't know what it is. Looks like something my mom made my dad buy."

 

"Ah but it's such a good movie! But the book is better."

 

"Isn't it always?"

 

Jiyong rolled his eyes but brought the DVD closer so he could look at the packaging.

 

"Please tell me that you're not choosing that one out of all the others."

 

"And what if I am," Jiyong challenged him.

 

"Well..."

 

"Alright if you don't want to watch it, I guess I can always watch it at my grandparents’ house." Jiyong finished by standing up and tried to walk out but Seunghyun was too quick. The older boy grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to the futon, making Jiyong fall into his lap.

 

"If you want to watch the stupid movie, we can watch the stupid movie together," he said as he pressed their foreheads together while wrapping his arms around the boy; cradling him. Seunghyun looked into his eyes and he could tell he was not amused.

 

Jiyong brought his hand up in between them and pointed his index finger, "One: don't call it a stupid movie if you've never seen it, and two," again he indicated the number with his fingers, "If you do call it a stupid movie you can forget about touching me anywhere for the rest of summer." He made his point by wiggling out of Seunghyun's grasp and sitting on the opposite end of the couch, crossing his arms.

 

"Aww come on Ji," Seunghyun whined as he crawled his way down the futon towards his pouting boyfriend. "You know I'm just messing with you."

 

Jiyong didn't look at him, instead he actually raised his head and pointed his nose higher in the air to show that he was ignoring the older boys antics.

 

"Jiiii," Seunghyun whined again. He saw a miniscule smile start to creep into his face. "Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," whined again but put a little extra emphasis into it as he moved to rest his head in Jiyong's lap so that he could look up to the boy. And by doing that he got the reaction he wanted. Jiyong could no longer hold in his smile and he finally looked down to Seunghyun, biting his lips as he tried to hide his smile.

 

Seunghyun flashed him a mischievous grin and Jiyong busted out laughing. They were in a fit of giggles for a while until they realized that they both needed to breathe. With Seunghyun's head still resting in Jiyong's lap, the younger boy reached over and mindlessly started stroking his boyfriends’ hair. Letting the dark strands weave around his fingers.

 

"The things you do to me..." Jiyong confessed and let his fingers play with the hair at his temple.

 

Seunghyun hummed and leaned into the touch. "This feels nice," he said and peeked up at Jiyong.

 

"Is there something else on your mind?" Jiyong asked.

 

"Just how we said we wanted to watch a movie, but now I don't want to move."

 

"Well I'm not going anywhere... so if you want to pop in the movie really fast, you can come right back to this spot."

 

Seunghyun beamed like he had just won the lottery and in a flash he put the movie in, grabbed the remote and laid right back down in the same position.

 

Jiyong chuckled, "You look like a cat."

 

Seunghyun, who had been facing the TV, turned up to look at Jiyong. "But a very cute cat," he said while batting his eyelashes.

 

"God, you are ridiculous! What has gotten into you?"

 

Seunghyun just shrugged his shoulders and smiled, "I'm just really happy you're here." And with that he turned back onto his side, pressing play on the remote.

 

~

 

Jiyong awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon coming from the kitchen but the thought of food could not pull him out of bed just yet. When he opened his eye, the first thing he thought about was what happened right after the movie when he and Seunghyun said goodnight to one another.

 

They had walked down the stairs of the loft, holding hands and just before they walked out into the open, Seunghyun stopped him.

 

"What's the matter?" the younger boy asked.

 

"...Nothing. I'm just happy. For the first time in a very long time, I'm happy."

 

Jiyong's cheeks reddened at the confession and offered his own, "Me too."

 

The older boy then released his hand only to bring it up with the other one, cupping his face, as he kissed him. Jiyong stood on his tiptoes, pressing into the kiss while his hands grasped the front of Seunghyun's shirt. The firmness in which Jiyong pressed back took Seunghyun by surprise and he released a small gasp. The younger boy, caught up in the moment, let his tongue slip through his boyfriends parted lips. Jiyong hummed at the taste of Seunghyun and the older boy was all too willing to reciprocate. Soon enough they were both standing there breathless as they held on to one another.

 

"That was nice..." Seunghyun admitted to which Jiyong huffed out the only bit of laughter he was able to muster. The older boy wrapped his arms around Jiyong's smaller frame, letting his hands rest at the small of his back while he buried his head into Jiyong's neck. "... That was really nice."

 

Jiyong hummed in agreement and when Seunghyun pulled back he said, "I have a feeling that this summer is going to full of really nice things." He giggled as the last few words left his lips, embarrassed at how cheesy they sounded to his own ears. The older boy didn't care how cheesy they sounded, he actually welcomed it.

 

"Yeah," Seunghyun started and brought his forehead to rest against his boyfriends, "I have a feeling that this will be the summer we will remember for a very long time."

 

"Is that a promise?" Jiyong asked as he pulled back a wee bit to get a better look at the older boy who nodded. Jiyong flashed his gummy smile and leaned in for another brief kiss. "Good. But now I should be getting back."

 

The older boy nodded while watching his boyfriends retreating form and then remembered something. "Wait Jiyong, do you still want to come play football with me and my friends tomorrow like we used to last year?"

 

"Sure!" Jiyong shouted back.

 

"Ok I'll come over around noon."

 

Jiyong had already made it to the screened in porch and was walking up the steps to the side door when his said, "Sounds good," and then he went back into the darkness of the house.

 

 

Jiyong pulled the comforter over his head and kicked his legs in a silly giddiness. He kept replaying those moments last night over and over in his head, still in a disbelief that they had actually happened. Eventually his grandmother was tired of waiting for him to roll out of bed and came knocking on his door, yelling "Up an' at 'em Jiyong!"

 

Crawling out from under the covers, Jiyong stood, straightening his mess of hair and stumbled down the hall towards the kitchen. He greeted his grandmother by placing a simple kiss on her cheek and said that breakfast smelt good while he sat down at the table next to his grandfather who was reading the morning paper.

 

"Morning Pops!"

 

His grandfather folded the paper in half to look at him as he raised an eyebrow, "You're awful cheery this morning."

 

Jiyong shrugged it off and said he was just happy to be out of school. "Last year was kinda hard. I just want to have fun and relax this summer."

 

His grandfather seemed to accept the idea and continued reading his paper as his grandmother came over with two plates full of breakfast.

 

~

 

"Hey guys, you all remember Jiyong, right?" Seunghyun asked his group of friends as him and Jiyong walked toward them on the field.

 

Jiyong recognized faces but for the life of him he couldn't remember any of their names, but they all seemed to remember him as they came over and clapped him on the back and shoulder like they were long lost friends.

 

After a quick catch up, the boys tried to break up into teams and Jiyong just stood back by Seunghyun and watched. Even though he played last year he still didn't know that much about football, let alone who was better in a certain position and who wasn't. He heard terms being thrown about here and there, some he knew, or at least thought he knew but it was all starting to make his head spin.

 

Seunghyun looked down to the boy next to him and saw that he was wearing an awkward face and so he poked him in the ribs with his elbow. Jiyong jumped about 5 feet in the air and clutched his chest. Seunghyun roared in laughter and Jiyong swatted him saying not to scare him like that. They were lost in their own little world when all of a sudden they realized that it had suddenly become rather quiet. Looking up, Jiyong saw Seunghyun's friends darting their eyes between the two of them in bewilderment until one of them spoke up, "Uh Seunghyun... are you alright?"

 

The older boy quickly tried sobering up but still couldn't quite hide his smile. "Yeah... why?"

 

One of the shorter boys said, "Well 'cause um... well we haven't seen you like... this in a long time," and waved his hand in Seunghyun's direction.

 

"Like what?" Seunghyun asked, still not understanding.

 

"Dude... you're smiling... like actually smiling," the tallest boy said.

 

Another boy walked right up to Seunghyun and leaned his face in close to his, "Are you drunk or something?"

 

At that Seunghyun laughed even more, "Guys what are your problems? I'm just in a good mood is all."

 

"But Seunghyun, you haven't been a good mood in.... like... forever."

 

Seunghyun rolled his eyes and pushed his friend who was standing in front of him away, "Guys can we not talk... at all. I thought we came here to play football." He stepped to the side and reached down, grabbing the football on the ground and then tossed it to Jiyong. "Come on Ji, you're on my team," and then ran across the field.

 

The group of boys watched the exchange and then all turned their eyes onto the smaller boy who was clutching the ball in his hands. "Whatever you did to bring back Seunghyun... thanks," said the boy who had stepped in front of Seunghyun.

 

"I didn't do anything..." Jiyong admitted.

 

"No, you did something. I'm sure of it. But whatever it is, keep doing it. He's been a mess for most of the past year. And we haven't seen him like this in a very long time."

 

Jiyong lowered his eyes, he felt a swell of guilt in the pit of his stomach. He knew that he was the reason but before he could let the guilt consume him the other boy came up and clapped him on the shoulder saying, "Don't worry about anything, let’s just play some football. You still as good as you were last year?"

 

Jiyong shrugged his shoulders, "I guess we'll find out."

 

 

Halfway through the game they decided to take a water break and Seunghyun ran up behind Jiyong as he reached down for his water bottle. "You havin' fun?" he asked in between breaths. He was worn out from running around and as such he collapsed onto the ground. Jiyong smiled and sat on the grass next to him.

 

"Yeah, but god is it hot," Jiyong said as he took off his shirt to reveal that he had been wearing a black tank top underneath his shirt. He used the shirt to wipe away the sweat at his brow. Looking to his side he saw that Seunghyun was blatantly staring at him. "What? Do I have dirt of my face or something?" Jiyong asked in a panic, suddenly very self-conscience and started wiping his face like crazy.

 

The older boy laughed at his antics and reached up to steady his hands. "No it's just... have you been working out?" Seunghyun asked in a hushed voice as he leaned closer to him.

 

Jiyong blinked. "Um... not really. I got a part time job at an art supply store during the year and I usually sort out the new shipments. So lifting the heavy boxes could be considered working out, why?"

 

Seunghyun leaned a little closer, he was still aware that they were currently surrounded by his friends so he tried not to draw attention to them but the quietly whispered, " 'Cause you look fit. Your arms actually have muscle. You're definitely not the scrawny kid I knew a few years ago."

 

Jiyong shoved Seunghyun back down onto the grass. "I'm not scrawny."

 

Seunghyun resumed his sitting position but leaned in closer so he could whisper into the boy's ear. "No, you're not. You actually look really good," he said and slowly reached his arm behind his boyfriend to rub circles on his lower back, still making sure that none of his friends saw.

 

Jiyong's stomach did back flips and his breath caught in his throat. It took all his might to not tackle his boyfriend and kiss him right then and there, so instead he brought his legs up and wrapped his arms around them while he leaned into the larger boy.

 

Before they could get lost in each other again, they separated and then joined the other boys to resume the game. It was a good game, Jiyong proved that he was still good at playing, or better than last year as some of the other boys pointed out. He was having a blast and he forgot how friendly Seunghyun's friends were. During the last pass, Jiyong caught the ball and ran with it to make the winning touchdown. When he stopped to catch his breath it was again stolen from him as all the boys from his team came up and tackled him to the ground in celebration.

 

In the mix of all the confusion, Jiyong realized that Seunghyun was actually the one who was on top of him. His boyfriend was looking right at him and his heart felt like it was in his throat. Seunghyun’s hair was plastered to the sides of his face, his cheeks flushed from exhaustion and breathing heavily. Jiyong felt every exhale of breath on his face and when they locked eyes he saw something dark in them. Although it was only seconds long it felt like an eternity. But then it was gone in a split second as another boy came and plopped on top of all of them causing Seunghyun to collapse directly onto Jiyong, crushing the smaller boy on the bottom.

 

"Seu... hyun..." Jiyong huffed. "Can't breathe"

 

The older boy heard him and used all this strength to lift himself and the other boys up off Jiyong. Being the tease that he is, as he got up, Seunghyun grazed his hand along the younger boys' leg and then grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet.

 

Jiyong, who was still in a dizzy state from everything, swayed left and right and Seunghyun was right there, wrapping his arm around his waist to steady him.

 

"Whoa Jiyong, you alright man?" ask Liam. Jiyong had relearned their names during the game.

 

"Yeah I'm good. Just exhausted from today."

 

"Well it was a hell of a game!" Brain said and wrapped his arm around his neck. "And we won 'cause of you dude!"

 

"Yeah awesome catch!" shouted James.

 

Jiyong beamed and chanced a glance to Seunghyun who was looking at him already. Again. Jiyong blushed under the stare but he knew no one could tell because his face was already red from running. He felt Seunghyun’s grip on his waist tighten and then it was gone as he pulled away.

 

"Alright guys, as much as we'd love to hang out some more, I promised Mrs. Lee I'd have Jiyong back by dinner." Seunghyun said to the group and after saying goodbyes and congratulations they hopped into the truck and were on their way back home.

 

~

 

"Pops! Seunghyun and I are gonna go to the creek!" Jiyong shouted into the house as he walked from the hallway to the kitchen. He grabbed the towel that his grandmother and left for him on the table and as he rushed out the door in his swim trunks he heard he grandfather reply, "Have fun. Be careful!"

 

The screen door slammed shut with a loud bang and he was off running across the lawn over to Seunghyun, who was waiting in the pickup truck. Climbing in the seat, Jiyong asked, "You ready?"

 

The older boy laughed and started the vehicle. "You seem extra excited."

 

"Well the last week and a half we haven't really had a whole day to ourselves. You're either at work all day or I have to help my grandparents with god knows what."

 

"But we still hang out in the loft," Seunghyun said as he pulled out of the drive way and made his way down the road.

 

"I know, but still... it's nice to be... you know... alone all day together." Jiyong squirmed in his seat. He didn't want to give away how much he had actually missed his boyfriend despite their small times in the loft. Sure they had fun, and got closer. But he was greedy and wanted to be with him almost every minute of the day.

 

Seunghyun chuckled and raised his arm to reach across and rub the back of Jiyong's neck. Something that Jiyong noticed was a favorite gesture of his boyfriends. The younger boy scooted a tad closer so Seunghyun didn't have to stretch his arm that much while he drove. A tickle ran down his spine as Seunghyun's fingers played with the small hairs at the nape of his neck. He could tell that today was going to be fun.

 

When they arrived, they both immediately jumped into the creek like little kids and splashed around. Jiyong found the rope swing and they entertained themselves for a few hours having different contests between each other; who could swing the farthest, splash the biggest, dive deepest.

 

At one point, the older boy jumped into the water and when he didn't resurface Jiyong started to panic. He tried diving down into the water to see if he could see anything but it was just a murky brown color. When he popped back up to the water he still did not see his boyfriend and he felt his breaths becoming shorter. Swimming to a more shallow part of the creek, he stood up to get a better look at the water. Something brushed against his ankle and he about had a heart attack, but he knew it was just a fish. More seconds ticked by and he still didn't see Seunghyun.

 

Just when he was on the verge of hyperventilating he felt a hand wrap around his ankle and pull him under the water. Splashing in protest, he kicked and screamed and the sound was mixed with Seunghyun's laughter.

 

"You asshole!" Jiyong shouted. "You fucking asshole!" He swooped his arm in the water and pushed a huge wave towards the still laughing Seunghyun.

 

"Aw come on Ji, it was a joke." his boyfriend said as he swam closer.

 

"I thought you drowned!"

 

"Well I didn't," Seunghyun said and latched onto Jiyong's hips, pulling him closer. "But if I did, would you have given me mouth to mouth to bring me back to life?" Jiyong smacked the older boys hard bare chest leaving a red hand print on his skin. "Ow!"

 

"Asshole," Jiyong grumbled, reiterating how he felt.

 

Seunghyun pulled the smaller boy even closer and brought his lips down to give Jiyong a kiss on the crown of his head. "You're cute when you're worried."

 

Jiyong tried to wriggle out of his boyfriends arms. "I hope you don't think you can get off the hook with a kiss."

 

"I don't. I know it will take a lot more than just one," Seunghyun mumbled as he lowered his head and pressed his lips against Jiyong’s, silencing any further protest. His hands roamed further up the boy's torso and he felt him shudder under the touch. Jiyong reached up and placed his hands on the side of Seunghyun's face. He was being overpowered by not just his boyfriend but also the feelings that were stirring inside of him. When Seunghyun took his lower lip in between his teeth, Jiyong lost his balance and slipped on the slick stone that they were standing on in the water. However Seunghyun had a great grip on him and stopped his boyfriend from falling by pulling him flush up against him.

 

Jiyong's breath hitched at feeling Seunghyun's heated wet skin against his own. He felt their groins press into one another and soon Jiyong came to the realization that things were getting a little too hot. Breaking apart he huffed, "Seunghyun... we need to stop."

 

Seunghyun, who had taken up to moving his lips across Jiyong’s neck whispered, "Why?"

 

"Because..." Jiyong tried thinking of an excuse but all he could think about was how his boyfriends tongue licked the droplets of water from his skin. His head was spinning and he felt Seunghyun's nails dig into his waist as he pushed closer. Jiyong’s body temperature was rising and he writhed under the contact.

 

Seunghyun moaned and bit down on Jiyong's neck. The younger boy hissed and he suddenly noticed that he was starting to grow hard. Embarrassed, he mustered up all the strength he had left and pushed his boyfriend away.

 

"What's wrong?" Seunghyun asked with flushed cheeks. "Did I do something?"

 

Jiyong sunk down into the water in an attempt to hide exactly what Seunghyun did to him. "Um.. w-well.. y-you... I-I m-mean... oh god." He buried his head in his hands and tried to will away his hard on.

 

"Jiyong what’s the matter?" Seunghyun asked again and this time he waded over to the distraught boy. "Talk to me. Did you not like that?"

 

Jiyong heard insecurity creep through Seunghyun's words and that was the last thing he wanted his boyfriend to feel, but he was still too embarrassed to speak yet.

 

"Ji, please," the older boy begged. "Talk to me."

 

Finally Jiyong raised his head and looked to his boyfriend who had hurt written all over his face. "No Seunghyun. It was good..." He covered his face again and mumbled, "...A little too good."

 

"...Oh," Seunghyun said as he froze in his spot.

 

"Just give me a minute, ok?" Jiyong asked, his face still hidden in his hands. He was severely traumatized and his embarrassment was actually helping the situation. Feeling the water around him move he looked to see Seunghyun slowly walking towards him. The older boy cleared his throat and sunk down to be on the same level as him.

 

"You know," Seunghyun spoke up, "It wasn't just you..."

 

Jiyong peeked at his boyfriend and saw that he was gently playing with the water's surface, looking away from him.

 

"Really?"

 

"Well yeah... anyone would get turned on if you kissed them like that."

 

Jiyong watched as a flush appeared on Seunghyun’s' cheeks. "Really?" he asked again, still in a wee bit of shock from everything.

 

Seunghyun sighed and looked to the younger boy. "Yes Jiyong! It was hot and you tasted so good and you were making little noises…Of course it affected me too." And this time it was Seunghyun's turn to hide his face in his hands. "I've never felt like this..."

 

"Does it scare you?"

 

"...Yes"

 

"Oh," Jiyong said as his heart sunk like the rock he had been fiddling with in the water.

 

"But not in a bad way. It's just new and different. Almost like riding a rollercoaster for the first time. You're scared to go up the steep climb but once you fall, this rush comes over you... and it’s... kind of... addicting."

 

Jiyong wanted to melt into the water at that confession. No one had ever said that he was addicting before and it made him tingle from head to toe. Taking a chance he reached over and grabbed one of Seunghyun hands, peeling it away from the boy’s face, and lacing their fingers together.

 

"So, you'd be up for doing it more?"

 

Seunghyun chuckled at the boldness of the question. "Well yeah. You make me feel good, why would I want to stop that?"

 

It was Jiyong’s turn to chuckle. "You make me feel good too," he said and then leaned over to place a small kiss on the corner of his boyfriends’ mouth. They waded in the water for a few more minutes, in silence, until Jiyong spoke up again and stated, "Well we better start heading home or else we’re gonna feel like prunes soon." He brought his fingers up to Seunghyun’s face to show the older boy his wrinkly fingers and hands. Seunghyun agreed and kissed him on the mouth briefly.

 

 

During the car ride home, they held hands but Jiyong felt himself dozing off from being in the heat of the sun all day. The sun was setting in the distance and soon enough his eyes shut and he was fast asleep.

 

When he was shaken awake, they were already back at their houses and he looked to see Seunghyun waiting on his side of the truck with the door open, holding a bag full of fast food.

 

Warily Jiyong asked, "When did you stop for food?"

 

"About 10 minutes ago. I let you sleep. I already told your grandparents that we're home. So come on lets go up to the loft and eat."

 

Jiyong nodded, sliding out of the vehicle and followed after the older boy. Seunghyun mindlessly popped in a random movie and the sat on the floor together eating dinner. Halfway through the movie Seunghyun admitted that he too was tired and so he stood up and started collapsing the futon into a bed. Jiyong watched him with a raised eyebrow and eventually Seunghyun saw it and asked, "What?"

 

"You're really too lazy to just walk down to your own house and sleep in your room?"

 

"Yeah," Seunghyun admitted and grabbed a blanket from the shelf, then looked to the younger boy. "Well, are you joining me or not?" Jiyong didn't have to asked twice. He sprung up from the floor and curled up to the older boy under the blanket.

 

~

 

After that day at the creek, Jiyong noticed that their relationship had stepped up to the next level. They had talked about how they felt, for once, and it eased both of their minds to know what the other was feeling. Seunghyun voiced how everything was new and different to him. He thought it was basically the same feeling like being with a girl, but there was always a hesitation in even the slightest of touches between them.

 

When the older boy asked if Jiyong had any reservations about being in a relationship with him, Jiyong admitted that it actually wasn't his first relationship with another boy. Seunghyun was taken aback at the admission and he felt his heart stop for a minute. Despite the pain it caused him, he wanted to know everything about Jiyong so he asked about his ex. The younger boy admitted that when he entered high school he was sure about his sexuality and when he took the art class his first year he met someone. They dated for a few months, but it ended when Jiyong found out that the boy had cheated.

 

Since he was in a confession mood, Jiyong also admitted that after last summer, when he went back home, he had hooked up with his ex at a homecoming party. He said that they both had had too much to drink that night and as soon as he told Seunghyun, he made sure to tell him how much he regretted it.

 

Seunghyun fought back a stinging in his eyes as he listened to Jiyong talk about his past. Never in his wildest dreams would he think that Jiyong was that kind of person or rather that kind of history. He always seemed to be an innocent little boy. The boy of his childhood summers, but this made him realize that they weren't kids anymore. And as he came to this thought he realized that outside of the summers they shared, he didn't know what his boyfriends’ life was like back in Atlanta.

 

 

After their second heartfelt conversation, Jiyong felt Seunghyun pull away from him. They still hung out, almost every minute, but he couldn't help but notice that their touches were less and less frequent and their kisses were shorter and shorter. Eventually Jiyong couldn't take it anymore and confronted the older boy about it.

 

"Seunghyun are you mad at me," Jiyong asked as Seunghyun tried closing the loft window, protecting the inside from the rainstorm that was starting outside.

 

Seunghyun, who didn't turn around, simply replied, "No, why?"

 

Jiyong got up from his seat in one of the chairs and started pacing. "I don't know, it's just... ever since last week when we talked... I don't know, you seem distant. Like you're afraid to touch me or to take things further than just kissing."

 

The older boy had finally got a good grip on the window/door and swung it shut. The sound reverberated through the barn and left them standing in silence, save for the pitter patter of rain pelting the roof.

 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ji," Seunghyun said quietly as he pulled the lock into position, making sure the window was officially closed.

 

"I mean this," Jiyong said as he rushed to his boyfriend, pulling him into a kiss. Their lips pressed against each other but after a while Seunghyun pulled away.

 

"See. That right there. You're pulling away. What's the matter?"

 

Staring into Jiyong's eyes, Seunghyun’s mind spun with what to say but the harder he thought, the harder it was to form a sentence.

 

"Is it... do you not want to kiss me because I was with my ex?" Jiyong asked and took a step back. He saw Seunghyun stiffen. "But Seunghyun, that was months ago, even a couple months before I came back for winter vacation. And right after it happened I felt like shit. Please Seunghyun..." Jiyong pleaded, although he couldn't decide what for. For Seunghyun’s forgiveness or for the older boy to kiss him right this second. Or both.

 

"It's just..." Seunghyun started and when he did he felt Jiyong watching him with every word he said. "It just... you have experience... with being with another guy..."

 

Jiyong stared at his boyfriend as he became quiet. He tentatively stepped forward and chose his words very carefully, "Seunghyun... just because I've been with another guy, doesn't mean I know how relationships work. To me, that wasn't a relationship. This is a relationship. We are in a relationship, that is if you still want to be."

 

Jerking his head up, Seunghyun looked to Jiyong and saw how fragile the boy looked in front of him. Before wasting another second, he pulled Jiyong into his arms and squeezed the life out of him.

 

"Yes Ji, I still want to be with you, it’s just I don't know how to be with a guy exactly. I'm just nervous..."

 

Jiyong buried his head into Seunghyun’s chest and mumbled, "But isn't that what a relationship is? Learning how to be with someone?"

 

Seunghyun sighed, "Yeah, I guess you're right..."

 

Pulling back, Jiyong stood up on his tip toes and planted a kiss on Seunghyun’s lips. This time he didn't feel like a wall was between them anymore and he felt Seunghyun press back into the kiss like he used too. Being a little too eager to have Seunghyun reacting like his old self, Jiyong pushed the older boy up against the wall of the barn and licked the seam of his lips.

 

Seunghyun gasped and soon he felt his boyfriends slick tongue slide against his. His body and heart felt like they were on fire. Sure he was the one that had been pulling away, but it didn't mean he had stopped craving the taste of the younger boy.

 

Moving his hands to the boys waist, Seunghyun pulled Jiyong to press his body against his and let his fingers slip underneath his shirt. His boyfriend shivered and parted their lips. "That was a lot better," Jiyong whispered. His breath ghosting over Seunghyun's lips.

 

"Yeah it was... but if you don't mind... I would like to continue." Seunghyun finished by reversing their positions and pushing Jiyong up against the wall. The younger boy hummed as he felt Seunghyun kiss his way down the side of his neck. Jiyong’s breathing was becoming labored as he felt Seunghyun bite down hard onto the base of his neck. He let out a loud, "Oh god..." as his boyfriend licked at the red mark he created, causing Jiyong's knees to go weak.

 

Seunghyun inserted his thigh in between Jiyong's legs and when he did, he felt the younger boys hardness.

 

"Ji... you're hard..." Seunghyun whispered.

 

"Well who wouldn't be when you use your tongue like that," he huffed out.

 

"But-"

 

"Seunghyun," Jiyong turned to look at his boyfriend, "Don't think about it. You're a guy too. What would you do to make yourself feel good," he said and face flared red at having to walk his boyfriend though this.

 

Seunghyun stuttered for a few seconds, but the Jiyong got too fed up with waiting so he pulled Seunghyun’s groin to his and grinded against him. Hearing him suck in a breath, he did it again and this time leaned up to capture Seunghyun’s mouth again.

 

Feeling a new fervor take over his boyfriend, Jiyong rolled his hips and, Seunghyun reciprocated the motion. He moaned and bit down on the older boys lips. Soon Jiyong wasn't the only one moving his body. Seunghyun quickly learned that if he moved a certain way Jiyong would make a sound, but if he wiggled another way, the sound went straight to their connect hard ons.

 

Jiyong's breath was becoming more and more shallow and if he listened carefully, Seunghyun could hear the boy whimper out his name which cause him to move faster and kiss harder to the point where Jiyong couldn't take it anymore. He cried out with one last roll of his hips and then leaned his weight against the wall of the barn. His chest rising and falling while the flush in his face started to recede.

 

"Did you just..." Seunghyun asked quietly.

 

Jiyong brought his hand up and combed his fingers through his hair, then used the back of his hand to cool his cheeks. "Yeah," he nodded. "Shit... that was really hot."

 

Seunghyun leaned down and kissed his swollen lips. Jiyong smiled at the gesture.

 

"Do you want to go for round two? You didn't... you know... did you?"

 

Resting his head on Jiyong's shoulder, Seunghyun shook his head. "No... I didn't. I was close," he admitted. "Really close."

 

The younger boy massaged the base of his boyfriend neck and he felt their racing hearts pressed together. They were off beat from one another and it was causing his head to spin even more.

 

"Well do you want to continue or not?" Jiyong asked again.

 

Seunghyun didn't answer verbally, instead he bit down on his neck once more, leaving yet another mark on his skin and things resumed where they had left off.

 

After they had both finished, they agreed that they both need to shower and change because they felt gross in their own clothes. But before saying goodnight to one another, Jiyong reached up and left a chaste kiss on Seunghyun’s lips, saying, "I'm glad we had this talk."

 

~

 

The little incident in the loft that night had left Jiyong with a craving for more. Every time he was with Seunghyun in the barn he kept thinking about what had happened and how he wanted nothing more than for Seunghyun to throw him up against the wall and have his way with him. Again and again.

 

A few times, he was caught day dreaming by his boyfriend and he couldn't help but try his hardest to hide what he was actually thinking about, no matter how much the older boy pried. Sometimes he didn't even trust himself to be in the same room with Seunghyun when he knew other people were around. It had gotten so bad that they were almost caught together during a 4th of July party that one of Seunghyun's uncles was throwing.

 

They had been in the loft, Jiyong reading while Seunghyun played his video game. Jiyong laid down on the futon as the older boy sat on the floor, but they were within arm’s reach of one another. Jiyong had mindlessly taken up to playing with Seunghyun's ear while he followed along with story that he was caught up in. At first the older boy didn't like the feeling, but after a while he couldn't concentrate without the simple touch.

 

Letting out a sigh, Jiyong closed the book, fed up with how stupid the main character was becoming and decided that his boyfriend was more interesting. Sitting up, he crossed his legs and sat right behind Seunghyun. Making sure that he wasn't in an intense part of the game, Jiyong slowly brought his hands up and started assuaging the tense muscles in the older boys shoulders.

 

Seunghyun immediately stopped playing and let his head fall forward. "Hmm that feels good."

 

Jiyong chuckled and dug his thumb into the muscle. "You're really tight right here."

 

The older boy hummed again. "...Yeah I think I slept wrong last night. Man where did you learn how to do this?"

 

"My sister makes me do this for her." Seunghyun didn't really reply after that, he was too busy becoming jello under Jiyong's touch. "If I keep this up you're gonna fall asleep," Jiyong said, "and I think your mom would be mad at me if I let you, before the party."

 

Seunghyun sat up straight and rolled his head in a circle. "Yeah you're right." He stood up, stretched out his legs and then plopped down beside Jiyong on the futon. The younger boy curled up to him and leaned in for a kiss. Darting his tongue out, Seunghyun licked Jiyong’s lips and then slipped it passed, tasting the orange soda that he was drinking earlier.

 

Reaching up, Jiyong cupped the older boys face and turned his body so they could have better access to one another. In so doing, Jiyong moved the wrong way and the hand that was hold him up slipped and landed on Seunghyun’s lap. At first he panicked because his hand was right on his boyfriend's’ crotch but then when he put the slightest weight on that hand, he heard him moan.

 

The sound made him dizzy and he felt the vibrations of Seunghyun against his mouth and it only encouraged him to do it more. Getting more advantage, Jiyong pressed into Seunghyun and caused them to fall back onto the futon, however his hand didn't move.

 

Taking a small breather, Jiyong kissed Seunghyun's neck and down to his chest. He felt the rise and fall of the boys breathing and then he cupped his hand over Seunghyun's covered cock. The boy writhed at the touch and Jiyong heard whispers of encouragement coming from the older boy.

 

"Does this feel good?" Jiyong asked while he moved his mouth back up to Seunghyun’s and rolled his palm.

 

"...Fuck..." Seunghyun gasped in pleasure.

 

Smirking, Jiyong moved his hand up and down at an agonizing slow pace. "Do you want more?"

 

"Yes... god yes," he begged.

 

The boy didn't need to be told twice and when he captured Seunghyun's lips again, he shoved his hand down into his boyfriends’ pants, feeling the warm heat. He was getting high off of the sounds he was causing Seunghyun to make. Just knowing that the little things he was doing with his hand was giving the older boy pleasure was enough for him. To feel the weight in his palm and the heat that was coming off of Seunghyun’s cock was such a turn on for him that as he moved his hand up and down at a slow pace, so did his hips against the older boys’ leg, trying to get some much need friction on his own erection.

 

Just as Seunghyun let out another moan, Jiyong leaned up and pressed their lips together, letting his tongue play with the seam of his boyfriend's lips.

 

“Boys!” came a voice from right outside the barn and the boys separated at lightning speed. “It’s time to go to the party. Be down in 5 minutes!”

 

Jiyong’s heart was now racing for a completely other reason than it had been 5 seconds ago. He could hear both his and Seunghyun’s labored breaths as they tried to calm down from not only what they had physically been doing, but also for the fact that his mom had almost caught them in the act.

 

“Shit… that was close,” Seunghyun whispered as he ran his hand over his face.

 

“Yeah,” Jiyong offered in reply, not really sure of what to say.

 

“It was actually good that she stopped us,” Seunghyun admitted.

 

Jiyong threw him a puzzled glance.

 

“Well a few more minutes and I would have had to try and sneak back into the house to change my clothes. Then she really would start askin’ questions.”

 

“Oh… yeah…” Jiyong hummed and looked down at his hands. A flush rose to his face as he remembered what they had just been doing and the tightness in his pants made itself known again at the memory. “Um… Seunghyun. I need to use the bathroom,” he said as he rushed out of the loft and towards the house without waiting for a reply from his boyfriend.

 

Into the now empty loft save for himself, Seunghyun said, “You go and do that to me and then you run away…”

 

Seunghyun was frustrated and not just with his boyfriends abandonment . He was still hard, painfully so. He thought about the feeling of having Jiyong take hold of him and how he had never felt anything like it before. It felt so good and before he could stop himself he was moving his own hand down to finish what Jiyong had stopped. Better to just get it done and over with, he thought, thinking that if he jerked himself off really quick it would be better than trying to hide it while on the way to the party.

 

 

Exactly 7 minutes later both boys and Seunghyun’s parents were in the car and on their way to the 4th of July party. They both looked out their windows, avoiding eye contact at all costs. The silence in the car was almost penetrable and even Seunghyun’s dad took notice of their lack of communication.

 

“Boys?” Mr. Cook said as he looked to them through the rearview mirror. “Is everything alright with you two?”

 

Jiyong quietly cleared his throat while Seunghyun adjusted in his seat, neither offering an answer.

 

“Did Jiyong beat you in a video game or something?” his father asked.

 

“No dad…” Seunghyun mumbled. “Just drop it… please.”

 

His father quirked an eyebrow. “Just be sure to drop that attitude when we get there. Got it?”

 

Seunghyun simply nodded and watched the farmland pass by as they continued driving down the road.

 

When they arrived at the party, Seunghyun pulled Jiyong off to the side, wanting to resolve any misunderstanding before they ignored each other the rest of the night.

 

“Seunghyun? Jiyong?” his mother looked to them. “Are you boys coming in?”

 

“Yeah, in a minute. I just need to talk to Jiyong really fast.”

 

She nodded and then continued through the door of the house. There were people all over place. Kids running outside, families carrying food inside and it was rather hard trying to find a safe spot to talk. But when they turned the corner of the far side of the house, they found that no one was around.

 

When Seunghyun looked to see Jiyong, who was standing just behind him, he saw the boy wearing a face of uncertainty.

 

“Seunghyun, are you really mad at me?” the boy asked in hushed voice and then lowered his eyes.

 

Grabbing his shoulders, Seunghyun shook Jiyong to make him look up in his direction. “What? No! Why would you even think that?”

 

Shrugging the younger boy said, “I don’t know. Just the way you were ignoring me in the car made me think you were mad for what happened up in the loft.”

 

If it weren’t for the fact that where they currently were was filled with dozens family and friends, Seunghyun would have taken Jiyong into his arms and squeezed the boy until he couldn’t breathe. But instead he slowly brought his hand up and gently cupped Jiyong’s face.

 

“Jiyong,” he started with his voice lowered so no one else could hear him except Jiyong, “What happened back there was really fucking hot. The only thing I’m really mad about is that we couldn’t finish.”

 

Jiyong sucked in a breath and the only reason Seunghyun knew was from the movement it caused the boy to make.

 

“But how come you couldn’t even look at me in the car?” Jiyong asked.

 

Seunghyun released Jiyong’s face and in turn rubbed it over his own, letting it settle over his mouth as he mumbled out, “Because… whenever I looked at you I kept picturing your face and how turned on you looked when you were… you know…”

 

Jiyong stifled a giggle and watched his boyfriends face turn a shade of red.

 

Seunghyun tried to compose himself, shrugging off the looks Jiyong was send his way as he continued, “Look. It was freakin’ amazing alright. But if you keep looking at me like we won’t make it through this party. Now let’s just enjoy ourselves and… maybe later we can finish where we left off…” His voice trailed off as he finished his sentence. He was embarrassed at how much he wanted to feel Jiyong on him again.

 

“Alright… but you better keep that promise, ok?”

 

Seunghyun nodded and the wrapped his arm around the younger boys shoulder as they walked back to the main part of the party.

 

Jiyong was surprised how many people were actually at this thing, and at how big Seunghyun’s Uncles property really was.

 

“Do this many people come every year?” he asked as him and Seunghyun walked over to the foldable table with their fresh plate of food.

 

Taking a sip of sweet tea, Seunghyun nodded. “Yeah it’s mostly family but also some of their friends from around town and probably work buddies too.”

 

Jiyong nodded in understanding and then started eating the barbecue in front of him.

 

After dinner there of course were the bonfires. Jiyong was surprised at how many kids their age were at this party and they all had taken up to building their own small campfire further away from the house. What also surprised Jiyong was the fact that the adults allowed the older group of kids to actually have some alcohol, saying that it was in spirit of the holiday. Seunghyun and him thought it would be more fun hanging out down there and when one of Seunghyun’s cousins brought fireworks over, they knew things were either going to get very entertaining or very stupid, rather quickly.

 

Not wanting to chance having their heads blown off by the fireworks, Jiyong suggested that they take a walk around the property and Seunghyun was all too willing to follow his boyfriend when he had flashed him a particular look.

 

They waited until everyone else was focused on the fireworks and then slipped away, towards the small dirt path that ran next to fence. Looking over his shoulder, Jiyong made sure that no one was watching them and then slipped his hand to grab on to Seunghyun’s.

 

“Tonight is really fun,” he said and took a sip of his almost empty beer.

 

Seunghyun squeezed their hands. “Yeah. It is. I’m glad you could finally come after all these years.”

 

They turned, walking towards the edge of the woods now. The noise from the party becoming quieter as they moved further away. Jiyong downed the last of his beer and tossed the can to side. The older boy looked to him, giving him a look that basically said ‘you shouldn’t litter’ but Jiyong ignored it and pulled him in to woods.

 

“Jiyong what are you doing? I can barely see anything.” Seunghyun said into the darkness. It got harder and harder to see as the made their way deeper into the woods. The trees didn’t let any light pass through their close knit branches.

 

“Just be quiet will you,” Jiyong rushed out as he tried his best to not trip over fallen branches on the ground.

 

“Jiyong wait,” Seunghyun stopped, tugging his arms from his boyfriends grasp. “We shouldn’t go too far or else we could get lost.”

 

He heard the younger boy hum in agreement and in the next second said boy was pushing him up against a nearby tree.

 

“Come on Seunghyun,” Jiyong whispered, “let’s finish what we were doing this afternoon. I know I’m not the only one who’s been thinking about it all day.”

 

Seunghyun huffed out a laugh but it was quickly consumed by Jiyong as he kissed the older boy. By instinct, Seunghyun latched onto the boys smaller frame and pulled him close so their hips connected.

 

There was a greediness to their movements. Now that they had both been so close earlier that day, they wanted to get back to that feeling as quickly as possible. Seunghyun’s hands slipped underneath Jiyong’s shirt and he could feel his muscles shift and move under his skin. Jiyong bit down onto Seunghyun’s bottom lip causing the older boy to growl in pleasure and buck his hips up, creating friction for them both.

 

“Jiyong,” Seunghyun huffed out, “Jiyong… please touch me again.”

 

It sounded weird to his own ears; to hear himself begging. But it was the only thing he could do and his pants were so tight, all these feelings were driving him insane.

 

Listening to his boyfriends request, Jiyong moved his hands across Seunghyun’s chest, letting his nails scrape over the fabric, and down to his belt buckle. Quicker than in the loft, Jiyong had his pants undone in a few seconds and then let his hand slip in. He palmed Seunghyun and the older boy let his head fall back against the tree.

 

Seunghyun moaned aloud when his grip tightened as he simultaneously bit down on his neck. He felt the boys wet tongue lick over his collarbone and then bite down again, creating what will soon be a nice purple color.

 

His grip on Jiyong hadn’t faltered as the boy attacked him mercilessly, in fact he retaliated by moving his hands further up under his shirt and rubbed his fingertips over his nipples.

 

Jiyong’s knees almost went weak at the sensation. He had to pull back slightly from Seunghyun to catch his breath and to get his bearings because his head was absolutely spinning. His boyfriend whimpered at the loss of touch.

 

“Seun-Seunghyun… can we- I mean can I-I try something?” Jiyong stuttered out.

 

The older boy’s chest was rising and falling, and Jiyong could only feel it, not see it, because it was complete darkness all around them.

 

Seunghyun imagined the flush that must have overtaken his boyfriends face. “Yeah sure… what to do you do?” he asked and heard Jiyong rustle leaves here and there while he let his arms fall to his sides. The boy was probably moving his weight from one foot to the other.

 

“I uh… I um…”

 

“Well? What is it?”

 

“Just stand still!” Jiyong shouted and Seunghyun could hear how flustered he was.

 

Hearing more leaves move, he felt Jiyong’s hands resume their place back on his crotch as Jiyong pulled down his boxers, letting his cock be exposed to the night air. And then there was a feeling that he never expected. Jiyong had licked the head of his cock. His knees shook and he let the tree support his body weight.

 

“…Fuck,” Seunghyun gasped as the boy kept using his tongue in ways that should be illegal.

 

“Is this okay?” Jiyong quickly asked.

 

“God p-please don’t stop,” Seunghyun moaned out. “This feels amazing.”

 

Jiyong smiled to himself, happy that Seunghyun enjoyed his little idea and then moved his head back down and took the tip of his boyfriends’ dick into his mouth.

 

Seunghyun groaned and blindly reached out to run his fingers through the boys’ hair.

 

Jiyong started bobbing his head at a slow pace, seeing how much he could actually take in. Inch by inch, Jiyong licked and moved his lips across Seunghyun’s cock. He tasted the precum that formed and he hummed at the sudden taste.

 

Feeling the vibrations of his hum, Seunghyun bucked into Jiyong’s mouth causing the boy to gag and pull away.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Seunghyun apologized.

 

“ ‘s okay,” Jiyong said as he wiped his mouth, removing the saliva that had formed in the corners of his mouth. “This is new for me too.”

 

He didn’t talk anymore and just let his mouth continue what it was doing to Seunghyun. The noises they were creating could have alerted someone of their actions, had anyone been in the woods. But everyone was too preoccupied with the fireworks to care about the light show that was going on behind Seunghyun’s eyes.

 

Jiyong’s pace was speeding up and Seunghyun writhed when the boy stopped to catch his breath and used his hands to keep the pace going. Seunghyun felt the heat pool in his groin and he knew that this was going to end very shortly.

 

“…Ji…” he breathlessly said. “I’m… going to… soon.”

 

Jiyong wasted no time and hurriedly brought his mouth back and sucked Seunghyun’s cock a few more times before he felt the first release from his boyfriend. He quickly pulled away, spitting the cum from his mouth on to the ground nearby and heard as Seunghyun curse into the darkness, as he finished relieving himself.

 

After Seunghyun was done he heard a quiet moan from his boyfriend and asked into the dark, “Jiyong, where are you?”

 

“I’m uh… right besi-ah… beside you.”

 

“What are you doing,” he asked back, reaching his hands out to find his boyfriend.

 

“Well y-you finished… but I’m still hard.”

 

Seunghyun took a second to think of what he should do but all he could think about was returning the favor. Maybe he wasn’t ready for what Jiyong had just done to him, but he certainly wanted to touch his boyfriend and hear him come undone.

 

“Jiyong… Come here,” he beckoned as he hastily stuffed himself back into his boxers.

 

Hearing Jiyong stand up, he felt and grabbed the boys arm, pulling him against his chest. “I don’t exactly know what I’m doing but I want to make you feel good too,” he said while sliding his hand between then and resting in on Jiyong’s hardness. He could tell that the boy had already unzipped his jeans and was probably trying to relieve himself from the wet spot he felt.

 

“Seunghyun don’t worry… just like in the barn a few nights ago… just do it like you do it to yourself,” Jiyong directed him and then let his head rest on the older boys shoulders.

 

Seunghyun listened and soon enough both boys were spent. They were both hot and sweaty from the sticky humid air of summer and as the stumbled their way out of the woods, they didn’t speak a word. Breaking the tree line, they saw a few fireworks shoot off into the sky sending blue and green sparkles spiraling to the ground. The light from the sky made it so they were finally able to see other properly after however long they had been in the woods. Both boys looked to each other and started busting out laughing at their appearances.

 

Seunghyun smoothed down Jiyong’s hair that was sticking up at all ends while the younger boy properly tucked in his shirt, like it had been before the left. They gave each other one last check, making sure there was no evidence of what happened and then made their way back toward the house. Slipping back into the party, no one even noticed their absence and they coyly smiled to one another while lacing their fingers together underneath the table.


	8. Discovery pt.2

Seunghyun heard a horse neighing from somewhere close by, causing him to jerk awake. Licking his dry lips, he tasted the drool that must have formed in the corner of his mouth during the night. He lifted himself up blindingly and rubbed his face in an attempt to wipe the presence of sleep off.

"You look like hell," a voice off to his left said. Without opening his eyes he knew that Jiyong was somewhere over by the loft window. His eyes felt like they were glued shut but he eventually opened them and confirmed his suspicions. Jiyong was perched in a chair, legs crossed, and a drawing pad in his lap.

"Oh god, please don't tell me that you were drawing me while I slept," he groaned while clawing his hands through his hair.

Jiyong snorted. "Conceited much? You think I like you enough to draw you?"

Still half asleep, Seunghyun threw the younger boy a skeptical glance, after which Jiyong challenged him by showing his drawing pad. Even from several feet away, Seunghyun could tell that Jiyong was in fact not drawing him. Instead he had been drawing the view outside the window. Curiosity winning over, Seunghyun stood up and walked over to see the details of his drawing. It was a simple sketch, nothing too fancy, but he saw small details that showed Jiyong must have been working on it for a couple of hours.

 

"How long have you been up?"

 

"A while. I heard a noise coming from the outside and it woke me up. Then I saw the sun rising, so I decided to let you sleep as I drew."

 

Jiyong, who up until now had been only halfway facing Seunghyun, turned to face him fully. The older boy smiled back and held back a laugh as he saw a smudge of black across Jiyong's nose. He thought it was cute and couldn't help himself as he leaned down, pressing his lips to the temple of the younger boys head.

 

"It's good. You're really good."

 

Jiyong gave a shy, pursed-lips smile. "Thanks. I haven't been drawing like I should have all summer. I need to start building my portfolio for my AP art class next year, but someone-" he eyed Seunghyun- "has been distracting me."

 

"I will gladly bear the burden." Seunghyun admitted as he moved to press his lips again to the little artist in front of him.

 

Jiyong leaned into the kiss, his neck stretching to meet the older boy while his hand reached out to steady himself. The tips of his fingers came in contact with the warm bare skin of Seunghyun's upper arm and he couldn't help but tighten his grasp, wanting to hold on forever.

 

"As much as I love this right now," Jiyong mumbled against Seunghyun's lips, "Your breath stinks."

 

"Well that’s a way to kill the mood."

 

The younger boy laughed as he adjusted in his seat. "I already went home and changed and brushed my teeth this morning. You should too and then come back. I stole some of grandma's left overs from last night," he finished by pointing over to the small coffee table that held a plate covered in tinfoil.

 

"And what do you want to do when I get back?"

 

Jiyong shrugged, "I don't know... but I kinda want to stay here all day and just hang out."

 

"Isn't that what we do every day?"

 

"Yeah, but..." He let his sentence drift off unfinished and he looked back down to this sketch pad, playing with the corners of the paper.

 

Seunghyun moved and crouched down in front of the boy. He brought his hand up and cupped his face, rubbing his thumb underneath Jiyong's eye.

 

"If that's what you want, then we can."

 

Jiyong stiffened and then looked up to Seunghyun. The older man saw panic in his eyes as he replied, "We don't have to if you don't want to. We don't always have to do what I want. Is there something you want to do today? We can do that instead."

 

Seunghyun let his head fall as he chuckled at Jiyong's hurried mumblings. He stood up and felt the younger boys eyes on him.

 

"Staying in sounds like a good day to me. I'm gonna head to my house and change now."

 

He started retreating to the stairs and just as his foot touched the first step he heard Jiyong shout back, "And don't forget to brush your teeth!"

 

"Yes, mother!"

 

~

 

Their day inside was good for the first hour or so, but soon Jiyong's grandfather shouted from the outside that he needed help getting the lawn cut. Jiyong, who had been sitting on the floor playing a video game against the other boy, groaned and shouted back that he would be down in a few minutes.

 

"I forgot that Pops hurt his back yesterday trying to lift a box in the basement," Jiyong explained to Seunghyun as they finished up their game.

 

They put away their controllers and before Jiyong went downstairs, Seunghyun pulled the smaller boy against him in a tight hug.

 

"Why ar-"

 

"I just want to," he admitted quickly. "And I wanted to say thank you..."

 

Jiyong pulled back and looked up to Seunghyun. "For what?"

 

A light pink dusted the older boys cheeks and he avoided Jiyong's gaze as he whispered, "For last night. It was really great."

 

It was Jiyong's turn to blush as he buried his face in Seunghyun's chest in embarrassment at remembering what they did in the woods. Before he could take a chance that his voice would crack while he responded with a stupid comment, he ripped himself from the older boys arms and made his way over to his grandparents house to mow the yard.

 

While Jiyong was busy, Seunghyun's mother also roped him into helping around the house and the two boys didn't get to see each other until after dinner. Seunghyun had just sat down on the futon when he heard the footsteps of someone running up the loft's stairs.

 

"Seunghyun! Seunghyun!" Jiyong called out. When he made it to the top of the stairs, his chest was heaving and he had to stop to catch his breath.

 

Thinking that something was severely wrong, Seunghyun bolted up and ran over to him.

 

"What? What is it? What's wrong?"

 

Still out of breath, Jiyong shoved a piece of paper into the older boy's face. Seunghyun took the crumpled paper and smoothed out the wrinkles.

 

"Dear Mr. Jiyong Kwon, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into our program for young and promising artists in the Atlanta area..." Seunghyun stopped reading and looked to Jiyong, who seemed to have calmed down a bit. "What is this?"

 

Jiyong walked to the futon and started pacing with a wide grin on his face. "I got accepted into this really big art program back home. It's like extra classes that help young artists refine their skills. My art teacher back home suggested I try and submit an application because she said that my work was promising. And now... I've made it! I actually got it! I didn't think my drawings were good enough but... I really did it!"

 

He was ecstatic, Seunghyun could tell. The boy was bouncing on the balls of his feet and he knew Jiyong was waiting for him to say something but his eyes were drawn to the paper clutched in his hand, continuing to read the rest.

 

“Congratulations,” he said and with his own ears, he could hear that his voice didn’t sound as congratulatory as Jiyong wanted him to be. When he looked up to smile as a means to make up for his faltering voice, he saw that Jiyong’s face had fallen.

 

“What?” Jiyong’s voice cracked. “Aren’t you happy for me?”

 

“Of course I am, Ji.”

 

“Then why don’t you sound like it?”

 

Seunghyun looked to the letter once more and held it up so Jiyong would take it back. “It says that you can start as soon as possible.”

 

Hesitantly, Jiyong took the letter from his boyfriend. “Yes… It does say that,” he admitted.

 

“So then is this the part where you tell me that you’re leaving?”

 

Jiyong's jaw went slack. This was the last thing he wanted to hear when he came up here to find Seunghyun. He thought he would run over to him and give him a hug and a kiss and say congratulations in the most heartfelt way, but it wasn’t happening. Instead of sounding happy the older boy sounded almost... scared. Fearful.

 

“Seunghyun, it says I can start whenever I want, before September.”

 

“Exactly, so are you leaving tomorrow or do you want to start as soon as possible? Maybe you’re leaving tonight?”

 

“No, Seunghyun!” Jiyong was starting to get angry at how fast his boyfriend had turned this into a bad situation. “It says I can start any time before September. Meaning that I was going to start after summer. Why do you think I would want to leave you after only a month and a couple weeks?”

 

Seunghyun crumpled onto the futon with his head in his hands as he murmured, “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…”

 

Jiyong walked over to sit next to him. He kept a small amount of distance between them, still a little pissed at how Seunghyun had got angry with him, but eventually he reached over and placed his hand on the older boys thigh to show that he had forgiven him.

 

Without another word from him, Seunghyun immediately slumped down and rested his head on Jiyong’s shoulder while he took a deep, ragged breath. Jiyong felt that something more was going on in his boyfriend’s head and he tried to ease the tension by rubbing circles with the hand that was still on his leg.

 

“Seunghyun?”

 

Still without speaking, Seunghyun twisted and wrapped his arms around him. Jiyong was pressed into the corner of the futon at an odd angle while Seunghyun’s body weighed down on him.

 

“Seunghyun, this is kind of uncomfortable,” he said, adding a small laugh to try and lighten the mood in the room.

 

However, the older boy didn’t release his hold, nor laughed, so Jiyong tried his hardest and lifted himself up only to push and slide them down a ways. With his leg draped off the side, he then leaned back, resting his head on the arm of the furniture as Seunghyun laid his head on top of his chest. Playing with the dark strands of his boyfriend’s hair, Jiyong spoke again.

 

“Seunghyun… What’s wrong?” He felt him shake his head, still refusing to speak or look at him. “Please, you’re worrying me.”

 

Seunghyun sucked in a deep, raspy breath and then admitted, “I just… It freaked me out how much it hurt at the realization that you could leave… will leave.”

 

“Hey,” Jiyong pulled Seunghyun’s head up. “Look at me.” When he had the older boy’s attention he continued, “Don’t think about it. It’s still a long time away. Forget about the letter and forget about what just happened. Ok?”

 

Relaxing his body more, Seunghyun melted into Jiyong below him, doing just what the boy asked him to do; forget. Minutes passed by in silence and Jiyong let Seunghyun rest on top of him, knowing that they both needed to hold each other. He had never seen the older boy so clingy before and it made him realize how vulnerable they were to one another. How one of their decisions could affect the other so easily. And it kind of made him curious as to how he would react if their roles were reversed. Would he cling or would he let him go?

 

Before he could let his mind wander to painful what-if scenarios, he rubbed the larger boy’s back and suggested that they should watch a movie. Nodding in agreement, Seunghyun rose up slowly and let Jiyong move over to the TV to pick out a dvd. When he put the disc in, Jiyong came over and sat back down. Seunghyun immediately resumed his position in Jiyong’s lap and just before the opening credits rolled, he said, “I really am happy for you. You deserve it.”

 

~

 

The next few days were a bit on the strange side between the two because of what happened. It didn’t help that Seunghyun had to work most of those days and Jiyong barely saw him. However, when his boyfriend came over to his grandparents’ house three days after the letter incident, the boy acted like nothing had happened. Not wanting to waste any more of their limited time left, Jiyong went along with whatever he wanted.They ate dinner with his grandparents and then as per usual, they excused themselves to the loft.

 

For the entire walk up, Seunghyun held his hand. He felt the older boy’s sweaty hand in his and he thought it was due to the summer heat, but it wasn’t until they were in the safety of the loft that Jiyong realized that was not the reason. Before he could say a word, Seunghyun pushed him up against the wall and pressed their lips together as his hands slipped underneath his shirt.

 

For a split second, he wondered what the reason behind the older boy’s sudden actions were, but as Seunghyun’s tongue licked the inside of his mouth, his mind blanked. His breath hitched while his boyfriend’s nails raked against his ribs in an attempt to pull him closer. Obliging, Jiyong situated his leg in between Seunghyun’s and wrapped his arms around his neck.

 

Breaking the kiss, Seunghyun nuzzled against the base of Jiyong’s neck as he confessed in-between breaths, “All day… I’ve been thinking about doing this all day… and about what happened at the party.” He nibbled at the soft flesh next to Jiyong’s pulse and the younger boy knew he could feel how much he was making it race.

 

Seunghyun’s teeth bit down and Jiyong let out a small whimper at the pain but the sound just egged the older boy on. Jiyong’s mind was fogged with lust as his boyfriend continued his onslaught. He could feel Seunghyun’s heart beating against his own chest, feel the ragged breathing against his skin, and most of all, he could feel the hard erection rubbing against his own leg. He felt like he could melt into a puddle at the slightest move and it took all his strength to pull his boyfriend from moving further down his neck.

 

“S-Seunghyun… Wait…”

 

“For what?”

 

“L-Let’s just move to the futon before we both fall over.”

 

Nodding in agreement against Jiyong’s neck, Seunghyun pulled them towards the futon and only then did Jiyong realize that it had been collapsed. As they fell onto it, in a rather ungraceful way, Jiyong giggled out, “You planned this didn’t you?”

 

“Guilty as charged,” Seunghyun admitted while he tried to rid him of his shirt.

 

When the fabric lifted off his skin, Jiyong shivered at the exposure and started tugging at Seunghyun’s shirt.

 

“This needs to come off, now.” Jiyong commented, to which Seunghyun chuckled while he let the younger boy lift his shirt up over his head, throwing it to join his own in the corner.

 

Seeing the broad bare chest above him made Jiyong appreciate how much Seunghyun actually worked and lifted at the store and around his farm. The older boy didn’t have abs, but his stomach was firm and when his fingers roamed over the skin, he felt the muscles contract under his touch.

 

“That tickles,” Seunghyun chuckled, while he let his nose nudge against Jiyong’s.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize,” he mumbled against his lips as he claimed them again.

 

The older boy let his body weight fall onto Jiyong, pressing the smaller boy into the mattress. Rolling his hips, he made Jiyong squirm and moan. He flicked his tongue underneath his jaw and hummed at the taste of his boyfriends salty skin.

 

Jiyong’s pants were becoming very uncomfortable and just as if Seunghyun had read his mind, the older boy wedged his hand between them, popping the button and pulling the zipper down. He bucked into Seunghyun’s hand as he cupped it over his hardness, feeling sparks ignite all over his body.

 

Grazing his teeth along the Jiyong’s collar bone, Seunghyun breathed out, “Can I try? Like what you did to me in the woods? I’ve been kinda curious.”

 

“F-Fuck,” Jiyong sighed at the confession from his boyfriend. “Do you honestly think I’m gonna say no, when your hand is already on my dick?”

 

Seunghyun smirked, but he couldn’t hide his nervousness, and moved his palm up and down making Jiyong writhe and groan. It was an enormous turn on at the prospect of tasting his boyfriend. He had his reservations and he was willing to admit it freaked him out a little bit. But as he listened and watched Jiyong underneath him all he wanted to do was make him cry out in the greatest of pleasure, something that only he could give him.

 

With not the most steady hands, Seunghyun pulled down Jiyong’s pants, followed by his boxers, and soon enough had his boyfriends hard cock before him. Not wanting to have second thoughts enter his mind, he pressed his lips against Jiyong chest and made his way down until his mouth was millimeters away from his dick.

 

He watched as the muscle twitched while his breath ghosted over it and when his eyes flicked back up to Jiyong, he saw that the boy already had his eyes clenched tight. A small drop of precum formed at Jiyong’s tip and he thought, Now or never, as he leaned down and licked it away.

 

“Shit!” Jiyong called out while his hand grasped at the fabric below him.

 

Seunghyun crinkled his nose at the salty taste, deciding very fast that he didn’t really like it lingering on his tongue, but it didn’t stop him from letting his lips slide over Jiyong’s cock, taking the tip into his mouth. He was too focused on what his mouth was doing to fully understand the words that were coming from Jiyong, but from the pants and sighs, he figured that whatever he was saying, his boyfriend was enjoying what he was doing to him. Letting his mouth open more, he slid further down Jiyong’s dick, seeing how much he could take in and just when he thought he had gone far enough, Jiyong bucked his hips, causing him to gag.

 

“Sorry,” Jiyong panted, his eyes still clenched.

 

“It’s ok, remember I did it to you. So now we’re even,” he laughed.

 

“Seunghyun, please no more talking. Just get on with it,” Jiyong pleaded.

 

“Alright.”

 

It wasn’t as sexy as he thought it would be. Honestly, it was a little gross as he felt saliva slide down the side of his mouth a few times as well as how tired his jaw felt from being in an unfamiliar position for so long. But eventually Jiyong’s hands found their way to his hair and in a quicker time than he expected he heard the younger boy confess that he was close.

 

Getting eger himself, he let his teeth graze along the shaft of Jiyong's cock and he felt the boy jerk in an odd way as he hissed in an unpleasant tone. Lifting his head up quickly Seunghyun looked at Jiyong and asked, "Did I hurt you?"

 

His heart was beating a mile a minute because of their physical activity, but he was soon overcome with this intense sense of panic at the thought of hurting his boyfriend.

 

"Just... try and not let... your teeth touch..." Jiyong huffed out. The boy squirmed wanting his denied release and Seunghyun blushed from his obvious inexperience.

 

They didn't let any more words pass between them as Seunghyun lowered his mouth back down. Using his tongue in ways he thought would be pleasurable, and they obviously worked from the quickened breaths Jiyong was releasing, he felt a sense of pride knowing that he was the one to make Jiyong feel this way. The boy below him knotted his fingers in his hair and that was the signal for Seunghyun to remove his mouth and let his hand finish the boy off.

 

He had to admit that when Jiyong came, he was almost right there with him. His boyfriend’s chest was spotted red, rising and falling in rapid breaths as his face smoothed out into one of the most blissful expression he had ever seen.

 

While Jiyong was lost in his own world, Seunghyun took care of himself and after grabbing his shirt and wiping both of them clean, he slinked back down; wedging himself underneath Jiyong’s arm. They spent several minutes in silence, while they both tried returning their breathing to normal.

 

“…So?” Seunghyun asked in a soft voice.

 

Jiyong immediately started chuckling. But before Seunghyun could have any concerns about its meaning, the laughing boy turned in and kissed him underneath his jaw, showing his appreciation.

 

“It was great.”

 

Releasing the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding, Seunghyun smiled and murmured, “…Sweet.”

 

More silence passed as they both were still reeling from what had just happened, but eventually Seunghyun wanted Jiyong as close to him as possible. So following the boy’s previous movement, he rolled onto his side and brought his lips to Jiyong’s. As his tongue tried to explore his boyfriend’s, the younger man pulled back suddenly, saying flatly, “You have dick breath.”

 

It was Seunghyun’s turn to laugh, but he took the hint and just let his arm encircle around Jiyong, pulling him into his chest.

 

~

 

The following week, Seunghyun told Jiyong that he wouldn’t be able to hang out as much. At first, he asked if it was because he had to work more hours at his job, but the older boy told him that it was actually because his father needed help around the farm due to the fact that their farm manager was on vacation for a while.

 

“Oh so that means that I’ll still be able to see you around… or wait! I could even help out if you want.”

 

“Thanks for the offer, but… You haven’t really worked with horses or around a farm, have you?”

 

“…No.” Jiyong admitted, but he gave a little pout just for show.

 

Laughing, Seunghyun replied, “I would love to be around you, but I don’t want you to get hurt.”

 

“Well… I could at least make you lunch a couple of days or even make you and your dad sweet tea or lemonade. How does that sound?”

 

“Like you’re practicing for being a future housewife.”

 

At that comment, Jiyong smacked the older boy on the arm hard enough to leave a red mark.

 

“Asshole.” Jiyong wasn’t able to stay mad for long, because soon enough his boyfriend overpowered him, joining their lips together.

 

~

 

The next day, Jiyong woke up and found Seunghyun exactly where he had said he would be: outside. He saw his boyfriend and his father out in the pasture. Mr. Cook was using some sort of large machine while Seunghyun rode further out in the field on a horse. In all this time that they spent together during this summer, Jiyong forgot how good his boyfriend looked riding a horse. He didn’t know if it was the tight jeans that Seunghyun seemed to wear every time or if it was the way he focused on controlling the animal that made him look more serious and in turn looked more hot, but whatever the reason, Jiyong knew that if he didn’t look away he would be staring out to the field all day long.

 

He tried to busy himself with house work, but during every break he took he kept wondering out to the porch to see Seunghyun working out in the distance. When it was around noon he couldn't take it anymore and rushed into the kitchen to pour three glasses of his grandmother’s sweet tea, put them on a tray, and carried them out to the fence along the Cooks' pasture. Mr. Cook was the first one to spot Jiyong and called to Seunghyun, who must have been in the barn. Jiyong heard that Seunghyun said something, but couldn't make out what it was. When Mr. Cook came over he passed on what the older boy had said, "He said he'd be here in a minute. Thanks for the tea, Jiyong."

 

Smiling, Jiyong said, "No problem, sir. How is it going today?"

 

The older man wiped his mouth after taking a big swig from his glass.

 

"Well, we cleared the back pasture, so the horses can graze more freely back there and now Seunghyun is cutting up some wood for posts that need replacing along the fence."

 

Jiyong nodded and took a sip from his own glass, not really knowing what more to talk about while he waited for the older boy. But he was lucky because when Mr. Cook thanked him again for the tea and put his empty glass on the tray, Seunghyun was walking out of the barn. Smiling like a fool, Jiyong held up his glass and handed it to him when he was able to reach out and take it. Just like his father, Seunghyun said his thanks and then took a large gulp. He sighed, licking his lips and smiled down to the younger boy.

 

"This is great, thanks again."

 

"No problem. I thought you and your dad might be getting thirsty or maybe even hungry."

 

"What time is it?"

 

"Just after noon."

 

Seunghyun's eyebrows raised up to his hairline. "Really! Damn I thought it was only 10 or something."

 

"What time did you guys start this morning?"

 

"Around 6 a.m."

 

"And you're not hungry yet? You must be after working for so long."

 

Taking another sip, Seunghyun shook his head as he swallowed and wiped his forehead free of sweat.

 

"Nah. I've been too caught up in all of this to think about taking a break."

 

It was Jiyong's turn to sip his drink.

 

"You always seem to do that."

 

The older boy quirked his eyebrow up and Jiyong continued to explain.

 

"You lose yourself in whatever you're doing. You never really take a break unless someone makes you."

 

Seunghyun smirked. "Is that a criticism?"

 

"Observation," Jiyong stated.

 

Lifting the now empty glass up to show his boyfriend, Seunghyun set it down on the tray.

 

"Thanks again. But I should really get back to work."

 

Jiyong nodded, but he didn't see him move. After a few seconds Seunghyun whispered in a hushed tone, "I wish I could lean over and kiss you right now."

 

Biting his lip to repress himself, Jiyong nodded and replied, "I wish you would, too."

 

They let the moment come and go until Jiyong knew that if either of them didn't move, then the day would pass by around them. As Jiyong walked back to the house, he heard Seunghyun yell, "After dinner!" Not glancing back, Jiyong raised his arm to signal that he had heard and understood what he meant.

 

~

 

The days passed by, fading one to the next in a blur of nights wrapped up in each other. They weren’t overly physical with one another, but they also couldn’t go five minutes without having some part of their body touching the other. Some nights were filled with the sounds of explosions and battles from the video games on the t.v., while other nights were covered in silence except for the crickets outside.

 

Those night in particular were a favorite of Seunghyun’s. Having the feeling of his boyfriend next to him was one of the biggest comforts. He couldn’t explain it. And maybe he didn’t want to put an explanation behind it. He was just content with knowing that the boy next to him felt the same way he did, and that was all he needed.

 

On a particular Wednesday, Seunghyun looked out his bedroom window and saw Jiyong carrying something from his grandparents’ house and taking it to the shed.

 

“Ji! Wait up!” He called as he rushed out the back door of his house to catch up to the younger boy.

 

Jiyong jumped slightly from suddenly hearing his name, but when he turned to face Seunghyun, he flashed him a loving smile.

 

“Hey,” the older boy heard him say once he was in earshot. “What’s up?”

 

“I don’t have to work tonight and I heard there is going to be like a meteor shower thing tonight. Wanna go watch it? I know one of my dad’s friends has a pasture that we could go and watch it from.”

 

Jiyong stifled a laugh.

 

“What?” Seunghyun asked, not expecting such a reaction.

 

“You said that so fast. Are you ok? And why do we have to go to another pasture when we could watch it here in your own pasture?”

 

Seunghyun gave a shy smile and suddenly felt heat rise in his cheeks.

 

“Well… I was um…. I was thinking that it would be nice to get away... from everything. So it would just us. Nothing and… no one around us.” When he finished stumbling over his own words, he shoved his hands in his pockets in embarrassment.

 

Jiyong’s eyebrows rose up to meet his bangs and he almost dropped the bucket that he was carrying.

 

“Uh.. just the two of us… out there?” he questioned. “In the middle of the night?”

 

He liked the idea of it being just them but then scenes started flashing in his mind of what could possibly happen and suddenly he felt a little sick to his stomach.

 

Hearing the slight panic in Jiyong’s voice, Seunghyun looked up and saw worry in his face to match the panic.

 

“Shit. No. I mean… I was just thinking it would be… I don’t know… kinda… romantic. Nothing to… you know…”

 

“Oh.” Jiyong whispered. Now he felt a sense of disappointment wash over him and he didn’t know which feeling he liked better, this or the panic the felt two seconds ago. "Um... yeah, that sounds good."

 

"Alright!" Jiyong could hear the relief in Seunghyun's voice. "Wanna head out around 9, after dinner?"

 

He didn't voice it, but Jiyong answered with a slow nod, still trying to determine what he was feeling.

 

"Cool... okay, I'll catch you later then." Seunghyun said and reached over to squeeze Jiyong's shoulder, with a smile spread across his face.

 

 

~

 

It was 9:15 by the time Jiyong made his way outside and he saw from across the yard that someone, probably Seunghyun, was loading something in the back of a truck, and when he got closer his suspicions were confirmed..

 

"Hey," he called out, letting the older boy know he was approaching.

 

"Hey," Seunghyun replied while shutting the truck’s tailgate. "You ready?"

 

Jiyong could hear giddiness in his voice and it caused a stirring in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what to expect tonight, but for some reason he felt like something was going to happen. But before he could let Seunghyun see his weariness, he held up a large bag and said, "I told Grandma what we were doing tonight and she made us some snacks. A couple of sandwiches, some chips, and soda.”

 

The older boy smiled and took the bag from him, placing it in the back of the truck.

 

“I also snuck out a pack of beer. Now hop in and let’s get going.”

 

Following orders, Jiyong climbed in and as he did so, he looked to see a couple of blankets and pillows tucked behind the drivers seat.

 

When Seunghyun opened the door he saw that the boy hadn’t fully climbed in. He looked to see what Jiyong was staring at and then broke the silence with, “What? Is something wrong?”

 

Bringing his hand up slowly, Jiyong pointed to the pile and asked, “What’s all that?”

 

Feeling a little playful, Seunghyun smirked and said, “You’ll find out soon.”

 

Jiyong’s head quickly shot up and looked at his boyfriend, hoping to find the answer written on his face, but when he didn’t find it, he finished climbing into the truck.

 

~

 

Jiyong wished that he could hear the shooting stars pass by like they did in the movies. That small whistling sound of the rock flying across the sky. But the only sound he heard was the rustling of the leaves coming from the edge of trees off in the distance.

 

He felt warm. Not in the sense of “Oh god, it’s too hot” but rather… comfortable. He had a blanket wrapped around him and one of Seunghyun’s arms slung over his shoulder. They weren’t paying any attention to one another because they were too mesmerized by the lines dancing across the sky. And that was what made him the most comfortable. Being here, in the dead of night, with Seunghyun. Knowing that they didn’t have to talk to know how much it meant that they were just sitting here together, watching the world turn.

 

After a while, when the first wave of meteors had passed by, Seunghyun moved around and grabbed another can of beer. He had already finished off two of them and that was when Jiyong decided to intervene.

 

“Are you going to save any for me?”

 

Feeling the rumble of laughter coming from deep within his chest at his comment, Jiyong sat up and stole the can from his boyfriend.

 

“Hey!”

 

“I can’t have you becoming an alcoholic on me,” Jiyong smirked, popped the tab and took a big swig from the can. He finished by smacking his lips and letting out a satisfied

 

“Ahh…”

 

Feeling that Seunghyun was watching him, he turned his head and raised a challenging eyebrow at him.

 

“What was that for?”

 

“Because you’re staring at me.”

 

“So what if I stare?”

 

“It makes me feel… it umm...”

 

“Makes you feel… what?”

 

“I don’t know, like I have something on my face.” And as he said that, Jiyong subconsciously brought his hand up to wipe some invisible mark off from his nose.

 

Seunghyun laughed. “You don’t have anything on your face.”

 

“Then why were you staring?”

 

“Well for one… you stole my beer…”

 

“And two?”

 

His lips cracked enough for JIyong to make out a small showing of Seunghyun's white teeth.

 

“And two…,” he paused trying to think of something, but when he couldn’t he breathed in deep and exhaled. “Just ‘cause.”

 

It was hard to hide the blush that came over Jiyong’s cheek even if they were in complete darkness. But Seunghyun knew the effect the words would have on the boy. Trying to avoid further embarrassment, Jiyong took another drink and fiddled with the can to distract himself.

 

This was the exact thing he was thinking would happen tonight. Seunghyun would be acting all… strange. Not in a bad way necessarily, but just different from his usual self. And he told himself that he would play along no matter what, but it still felt… funny. Jiyong looked up at the sky to see if the other meteors had come yet and although he saw a few, there weren’t really enough to lay back down, so he continued to fiddle with his drink.

 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, but in reality only five minutes, Seunghyun announced that more stars were starting to come. So Jiyong finished off the last of the beer and laid back down on the soft warm blankets. He was just about to pull one over his himself again, when he felt Seunghyun move.

 

It happened in a split second. Seunghyun moved and Jiyong stopped breathing. The older boy hovered over him and he pressed his lips down to Jiyong’s. They moved together, in a sync that they had come to develop over the past couple of months. Seunghyun moved here, Jiyong moved there. They weren’t in a battle, but more like dance. They had made out plenty of times up in the loft, but there was always this hesitation between them. Like they both knew that they couldn’t push too hard because they knew that it couldn’t go further.

 

They liked to push as hard as they could against each other, hoping that one would break first and sometimes they fumbled. A hand slipped down between legs. Or a tongue licking up someone’s neck. They would push and push and push until someone crumbled. Like letting that tongue lick its way down. Or letting that hand undo their pants and pull them down to start stroking till release.

 

They might have fumbled and they might have crumbled, but they never surrendered to one another.

 

Jiyong felt Seunghyun’s hand slip underneath his shirt, feeling his fingers tickle up his ribs. Seunghyun smiled into their kiss when he felt the boy squirm under his touch. Their lips pressed against each other, tongues slipping past seams, and Jiyong’s head was spinning. He couldn’t tell if it was from Seunghyun’s body pressing down on him or if it was that Seunghyun was currently taking the air right from his lungs. But no matter what the reason was, he didn’t want to stop. Feeling a little bold, he moved one of his legs to wrap around one of the older boy’s. When he did, he could feel Seunghyun’s hard on move against his own. And right then and there is when he decided to say something.

 

 

“I want you.”

 

The older boy’s movements stilled, but he could still feel his heavy breathing running down his neck.

 

“Seunghyun… I want you…,” he repeated, but he felt that same boiling pit in his stomach from this afternoon start to seep back into him.

 

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun spoke as he slowly pulled up to look at the boy.

 

“You know what, forget it. Let’s just go back to making out.” He tried pulling the older boy back down, but he resisted.

 

“You… want me?”

 

“Just forget it.”

 

“No, I won’t. What do you mean? Like you want us to…”

 

“Well if you can’t even say it-”

 

“You want to have sex?” Seunghyun cut in.

 

Jiyong tried swallowing any remaining spit left in his mouth, but there wasn’t much, because suddenly his mouth was dry.

 

“You want us to have sex right now?” Seunghyun asked again.

 

Slowly, he remembered the heat and pressure of Seunghyun on top of him moments ago, and the only thing in the world he wanted was to have that feeling multiplied right now. So he gradually started to nod his head.

 

“But I.. umm.”

 

Realization dawned on him and soon Jiyong was trying to crawl out from under Seunghyun. “You know what? It’s ok. It’s too fast. And you don’t want to. I understand.”

 

“No, Jiyong wait.” Seunghyun said as he reached and tried pulling the boy back to him. “It’s not-” He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not that I don’t… want to. It’s just… well we’re in a pickup truck. I don’t think it will be very comfortable. Plus, I don’t have any… you know… condoms with me.”

 

Jiyong snorted at how awkward Seunghyun sounded when he said those last few words and he was grateful for the tension breaker.

 

“So if we weren’t in a truck right now and we had… supplies, you would want to… have sex with me?”

 

“...Yeah”

 

“And it doesn’t freak you out?”

 

“Of course it freaks me out a little, I mean, I don’t even really know how to have sex with a guy. But… I want to try. With you.”

 

“Really?”

 

Seunghyun didn’t answer this time. He just leaned up against the back of the truck and nodded. Watching his head move up and down made the sensation in Jiyong's stomach dissipate. Slowly, he crawled over to the older boy, gently forcing his legs to lay flat, and moved to sit in his lap so that they were forced to face each other.

 

“Are you sure?” Jiyong asked in a whisper.

 

Seunghyun took a ragged breath and brought his hands up to rest on Jiyong’s hips. He squeezed, letting his grasp release and then tighten over again and again. He didn’t look at Jiyong, but kept his focus on the center of the boys chest. Watching the rise and fall until he finally used his grip to pull Jiyong closer to him. He wrapped his arms around his slim waist and turned his head so his cheek rested against the spot that he was staring at before. And slowly he nodded.

 

Feeling Seunghyun’s answer, Jiyong took a deep breath after he realized that he had been holding it, waiting for his boyfriend’s answer. He wrapped his own arms around Seunghyun’s neck and kissed the top of his head.

 

“Like you said, we can’t do it tonight. But soon? Can we do it soon?”

 

Again, Seunghyun paused for a moment, and as he released another shuddering breath, he nodded.

 

It was Jiyongs turn to pull Seunghyun up to him. His hands slid down to either side of his face and pulled the older boy in for kiss. He wanted to show him how much this decision meant to him. He wanted to be gentle but before he could stop himself he felt his teeth tugging on Seunghyun’s bottom lips and then his tongue slipped inside the warmth of his mouth.

 

Seunghyun responded immediately at the taste of Jiyong. He pulled him closer, if it was even possible, and gripped the back of the younger boy’s shirt. Despite the talk they just had about waiting, they completely let go and consumed each other. Jiyong grinded down onto Seunghyun and Seunghyun thrusted up to meet every movement. Moans were released and hair was pulled. Things were getting sloppy and needy and it all came to a point where if they didn’t stop, their entire conversation from before was going to be tossed out the window. Jiyong knew this in the back of his mind and once that voice broke through all the pleasure he was feeling, he ripped himself away from Seunghyun.

 

“We… we need… to stop… .” The words came out as puffs of air rather than a sentence.

 

“Yeah... I think thats… a good idea… .” Seunghyun agreed and rested his head back against Jiyong’s chest. But this time, he could feel every shake and shudder the boy made as he tried to calm down.

 

“I um…,” Seunghyun started after a few seconds. “I have something to tell you- well rather ask you. And it’s kinda the reason I asked you out here tonight and also the reason why I didn’t bring any… you know… anything with me.”

 

Jiyong didn’t trust himself to pull away and look and Seunghyun, so he hummed to ask the older boy to continue.

 

“My parents have to go to a wedding in Knoxville this weekend. It’s one of my Mom’s cousins and she and my dad said that they are gonna stay a couple nights at my Aunt’s house so they can help with everything. And I said that I had work so I couldn’t go and they didn’t try to push the issue. But honestly, I don’t have work, it was a lie. So what I’m trying to say is that, well… I’ll have the house to myself this weekend. So if you’re serious about wanting to do… this, we can. This weekend. When my parents are gone.”

 

Jiyong felt a chill run down his spine and tightened his grip around Seunghyun.

 

Before he could change his mind or let the older boy change his mind, he quietly said, “Yeah… that sounds nice,” and slid off to sit next to him.

 

He reached over and captured Seunghyun’s hand that was resting on his thigh and entwined their fingers together.

 

“This weekend.” He said it as a confirmation and then squeezed Seunghyun’s hand tightly. “This weekend.”

 

They sat in silence for the rest of the night. Watching the stars fly by. But neither one of them concentrated on the shimmering rocks above them. They were both too preoccupied with thoughts of what will happen in the days to come.

 

~

 

To say that time slowed down would be an understatement. It seemed that every time Jiyong looked at one of the clocks, dozens of which were in his grandparents’ house, it seemed that only seconds had ticked by since he last looked. Ever since last night, he had been on edge; repeating the conversation he had had with Seunghyun. He was anxious, terrified, excited, and so many other emotions all rolled up into one. He had always thought that it would have been himself to really bring up the topic of sex in their relationship since Seunghyun tended to be more reserved about some things between them. But it took him by complete surprise that the older boy had thought about it and even sort of planned ahead. Last night out in the pasture, he could tell how nervous his boyfriend was, but he knew he was equally nervous. This was a big step for them. For anybody really. But if he was honest with himself, he couldn’t think of anyone else he would rather share a moment like this with. He knew that they were young and not experienced, so he figured that he shouldn’t hold his expectations too high, but he was certain that no matter what was going to happen, it would be amazing for both of them.

 

Looking at the grandfather clock that sat in the corner of the living room, Jiyong saw that it was only past 8:30 and the bouncing of his leg was starting to annoy even him.

 

“I’m gonna go to the loft and play some games,” he announced to his grandpa, but the old man was too caught up in his book to really pay attention.

 

Seeing no response from him, Jiyong jumped up off the couch and swiftly bolted to the back door, making his way to the barn. When he got there, he switched on the TV and the game console and waited for Seunghyun to come over here. As he played through several levels of his game, he realized that too much time had passed; Seunghyun should have been over here by now. Taking out his cell phone, he found Seunghyun’s number and dialed.

 

“Hey,” Seunghyun answered, knowing it was Jiyong from the caller ID.

 

“Hey, where are you?”

 

“At my house, why?”

 

“I just thought you would have come up to the loft by now.”

 

“Oh…,” Seunghyun paused. “I um… Are you there now?”

 

“Yeah. Is something up?” Jiyong asked. He could hear a hesitance in his boyfriend’s voice.

 

“Oh, no, no. I just- um… Ah, nevermind. I’ll be over in a sec,” Seunghyun stumbled out and hung up.

 

Jiyong flipped his phone shut and stared at it for a minute; something told him that Seunghyun was lying. Something was up and it was proven when Seunghyun came up and sat a little too far away from Jiyong. Normally, they would be practically sitting on top of each other, but at this moment, it seemed that Seunghyun chose to have a little distance between them.

 

“Are you sure everything is alright?” Jiyong asked again, this time moving closer to the older boy.

 

Seunghyun nodded, but his body betrayed him by moving away from Jiyong. “Yeah I’m good.”

 

Jiyong wasn’t going to put up with this so he crawled over and situated himself right next to him.

 

“No, you’re not. Since you walked in, you haven’t even looked at me. What’s wrong?” He could tell that being assertive wasn’t going to work, so he backed down and gently took Seunghyun’s hand in his.

 

“Are you having second thoughts?”

 

Now that he was holding his hand, Jiyong felt Seunghyun stiffen at the question. Slowly, he let go of his hand and backed away to where his original spot was. He started picking at his nails and mumbled, “We don’t have to, if you don’t want to… .”

 

“Look, Jiyong,” Seunghyun started. “I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared.”

 

Jiyong didn’t say anything, just nodded.

 

“But I’d also be lying if I said that I didn’t want to to this.”

 

Jiyong stopped picking his nails and looked up at Seunghyun.

 

“So you still want to?”

 

He nodded, and Jiyong released the breath that he had been holding.

 

Seeing the distress on Jiyong’s face, Seunghyun pulled him closer and wrapped his arm around him. “Although I am scared, I feel that it’s a good-scary feeling.”

 

Jiyong stifled a laugh, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

 

Seunghyun shrugged it off and picked up the controller left on the couch, trying to move on from this topic. Jiyong understood and followed along, reaching for the other controller that was down by his feet. They played games for another two hours until finally Seunghyun started yawning. Putting the controllers away and turning off the console and TV, the boys made their way outside.

 

All of sudden, Jiyong stopped walking and gripped Seunghyun’s hand tightly as he spoke, “So… tomorrow then?”

 

Seunghyun didn’t have to ask what he was talking about; they both had only thing on their minds. Seunghyun squeezed his boyfriend’s hand back and said, “Yeah… My parents leave early in the morning and then I have work until four. So… How about you come over and we can have dinner and watch a movie and then… .”

 

Jiyong nodded.

 

“Sounds good,” he replied and started to walk towards his house. However, the older boy caught up to him and pulled him in for a kiss. There were several emotions packed into it. Trying to decipher all of them made Jiyong’s head spin , but the one that stood out the most was that he could feel how much he meant to Seunghyun. And for him, that’s all that mattered.

 

 

~

 

If Jiyong thought the day before ticked by at a snail’s pace then today was its polar opposite. It felt like every time he blinked, another hour had passed and the next thing he knew, it was already 3:30 p.m. The previous day, he had told his grandparents about spending the weekend over at Seunghyun’s house due to his parents being out of town, and just like he predicted, they didn’t mind in the slightest. He was going to be literally next door, and if they needed anything he could just walk thirty feet and they would be right there.

 

His stomach was in knots the whole day, but luckily, he was able to be somewhat distracted by helping his grandfather with one of his projects around the house. But that didn’t last nearly as long as he thought it would, and now he was climbing into the shower and getting ready for the night ahead. He scrubbed and washed every inch of his body, inside and out. If he had scrubbed anymore, his skin would have probably fallen off. Once the last bit of conditioner had been swallowed up by the drain, he shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel, and dried himself off. When he was dressed, he looked at the clock and saw that it was already 4:15, so he grabbed his overnight bag and headed to the house next door.

 

It was only a matter of minutes until the older boy arrived and unlocked the front door. When they walked in and heard the door shut behind them, they both felt a tension in the air. Jiyong didn’t want to focus on it, so he turned and leaned up to Seunghyun, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips and saying, “Welcome home.”

 

The older boy smiled into it and took a deep breath. “Mmm, you smell good.”

 

“I took a shower just now. But you, on the other hand, smell like… I don’t even know.”

 

Seunghyun laughed. “I had to help this older guy find a spare part that he needed replacing in the back of his pick up. Only once I got outside, I saw that he had crap piled higher than the cab back there and it took me an hour to find it. So who knows what I smell like, because I don’t even know what I was looking through.”

 

Jiyong scrunched up his nose and pushed himself away. “Gross man. Go take a shower.”

 

“But what about dinner?”

 

“What do you have? I’ll start it while you’re showering.”

 

Seunghyun raised an eyebrow, “You’re gonna cook?”

 

Jiyong narrowed his eyes and pointed a finger towards the older boy.

 

“Hey, now, I’ll have you know that I’m a fantastic cook. Grandma shared several of her secrets with me.”

 

“And I’ll say it again, you would make a perfect housewife.”

 

Jiyong punched him this time at the comment.

 

“You’re such an asshole. I am not, nor will I ever be anybody’s housewife. Especially not yours if you keep saying shit like that.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Seunghyun rushed out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, but here-” he walked to the kitchen knowing Jiyong would follow him-“Mom left some chicken out to thaw yesterday but dad wanted to go out for dinner, so we still have it in the fridge.” he finished by opening the door so Jiyong could see it.

 

“Alright, do you have pasta sauce?”

 

“Uh...,” Seunghyun moved to a cabinet and opened it to find a few jars. “Yeah, right here.”

 

“How about something like chicken parmesan?, You have noodles too, right?”

 

“Next to the sauce. But I don’t think we have bread crumbs.”

 

“It’s alright, I’ll do what I can. I just don’t want pizza again. Now go, take a shower and I’ll get started.”

 

“M’kay,” Seunghyun replied and kissed Jiyong on the temple. “Here, let me take your bag up to my room.” He offered and took it from his hand, leaving Jiyong to do whatever he could with the ingredients that they had.

 

Half an hour later, Seunghyun was coming down the stairs, toweling off his damp hair, when he smelled dinner. Calling out he said, “Is it almost done?”

 

“Another 15 minutes. I have to cook the pasta,” Jiyong replied as he looked to see his boyfriend walking through the kitchen. “Although… With the way you look right now, I could just have you instead.” Jiyong retorted.

 

Seunghyun flashed a shy smile and took a seat at the breakfast bar to watch Jiyong finish cooking.

 

Dinner was good. Not the best in Jiyong’s opinion; the chicken was a little tough. He must have let it sit in the oven too long. But Seunghyun had nothing to complain about as he ate every last bite. They finished but decided that the dishes could wait as they went to the living room to start watching a movie.

 

Looking at the cover of the dvd case, Jiyong noticed that Seunghyun picked a romantic comedy . The older boy popped it into the player and took his spot next to Jiyong on the couch. Eager to see where this night will take them, Jiyong snuggled up to Seunghyun and watched as the opening credits started rolling.

 

Not even a fourth of the way through the movie, Jiyong could tell something was off again about Seunghyun. Usually through any movie they watched together, they would hold hands or one of them would rub soft trails up the others arms. There always was some form of physical contact other than sitting or laying next to one another. As of right now, Jiyong was somewhat laying on top of Seunghyun, but the older boy was almost too focused on the movie in front of them.

 

When the main couple kissed for the first time in the movie, Seunghyun fidgeted in his seat and Jiyong looked up to him.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah…,” Seunghyun replied without looking back.

 

Jiyong took a chance and pressed his lips up against the older boy’’s, but he didn’t really feel him kissing back.

 

A few minutes later, Jiyong felt Seunghyun move again, but this time his boyfriend spoke up and asked, “Sorry, but I’m getting kinda hot. Could you sit up?”

 

Feeling a little hurt, Jiyong pushed himself up and sat up right.

 

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

 

“I don’t know…,” Seunghyun finally admitted.Jiyong reached over and grabbed the remote to pause the movie. “I just feel weird…,” he continued.

 

“How about we just go up to the loft,” Jiyong suggested. “It feels strange sitting here in your living room watching movie when we always watch them up there.”

 

“Yeah… .” Seunghyun nodded. “Yeah, that sounds better.”

 

“Alright. I have to run to the bathroom really fast, but you go ahead and grab the DVD and get it started and I’ll meet you up there.” He finished and kissed Seunghyun again, but this time he could feel that the older boy had relaxed a little.

 

“Okay, see you in a minute.” He got up and went upstairs to use the bathroom while Seunghyun did as he had suggested.

 

Jiyong ran up the loft stairs two by two and he heard the movie starting. Seunghyun gave him a bright smile as he came over and resumed his place next him. While the movie continued, Jiyong felt that they both became more relaxed. Seunghyun had even started playing with his hair. They fast forwarded through the parts they already saw and soon enough they felt like nothing was wrong.

 

The movie was funny, and there were many moments when Jiyong could feel Seunghyun’s rumbling laugh and it put him more at ease. Except when the movie took a more sensual turn. The main characters were alone in one of their houses, arguing about why their communication kept getting mixed up between them. They were yelling in each other’s faces until the man finally grabbed the woman and pushed her up against a door and started kissing her. She resisted at first, but then when they broke apart, the man confessed that all he wanted to communicate was how much he loved her. She accepted his confession and they continued to make out. Their heavy breathing made Jiyong think about how him and Seunghyun were going to do this later and he couldn’t help but try and watch what the couple on the screen was doing, thinking that maybe Seunghyun might like it.

 

The older boy shifted underneath Jiyong and his hand dropped down to rub circles along his neck. Jiyong shivered at the feather light touch and quickly stole a glance at Seunghyun. He curved his lips upward and that was when Jiyong just decided to go for it. He did a few things in such a quick succession that Seunghyun didn’t even know what was happening for a couple seconds. Jiyong had reached over, grabbed the remote, turned the TV off and then pushed himself up to press his lips forcefully against Seunghyun’s.

 

Over the past few months, Jiyong had grown more and more eager whenever he and Seunghyun kissed. But this time, it felt like he hadn’t kissed him in decades. Jiyong’s hands slid up under Seunghyun’s shirt while his tongue forced its way between his boyfriend's lips. He felt the older boy shake at his touch and once he got over the initial shock that Jiyong was doing this right now, he started to kiss back with everything he had.

 

Jiyong wedged his hips in between Seunghyun’s legs and as he kissed with more fervour, he started to grind into him.

 

“Seung-Seunghyun…,” Jiyong mumbled against his lips. “Can we? Right now?”

 

Seunghyun stilled underneath him and pulled away to look at his face. “B-but everything is in the house.”

 

The younger boy’s lips found it’s way behind his teeth as he slowly rose up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube. Seeing the contents in his hand Seunghyun quickly sat up and stared.

 

Shyly Jiyong said, “I didn’t use the bathroom before. Instead I went and got these.” Jiyong watched as Seunghyun swallowed and licked his lips.

 

“Yeah.” His boyfriend nodded. “Y-yeah, let’s um…” His sentence cut off as he maneuvered out from under Jiyong and stood, going behind the futon to find the latch to make the bed.

 

When it collapsed, Jiyong had to catch himself from falling. He placed the condom and lube on the corner of the mattress and started unbuttoning his shirt. When he didn’t feel Seunghyun sit back down, he paused and looked up. The older boy was pacing in very small circles while fidgeting with his hands as his face was covered in several different emotions.

 

“Hey,” JIyong stopped and crawled closer to where Seunghyun was. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

 

Seunghyun let out an exasperated breath and sat down with his back to Jiyong, putting his head in his hands.

 

“I just…I’m-,” he ruffled his hair and puffed his cheeks letting all the air out of his lungs. “Wow, this is all of sudden getting real.”

 

“Yeah…,” Jiyong said cautiously. He looked more closely at his boyfriend and saw that his body was shaking. Wanting to put him at ease, Jiyong moved and kneeled behind him, wrapping his arms around the larger boy’s waist. It seemed to have the desired effect, because Seunghyun stopped moving.

 

“I’m just really nervous,” Seunghyun confessed.

 

Jiyong rested his chin on his shoulder and said, “Me too. But I trust you.” He chuckled and continued, “You don’t know how much I trust you right now,” and finished by kissing his temple.

 

“But what if I hurt you? Because I read online that it hurts. Like really bad, the first time. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to see you in pain,” Seunghyun rambled and started shaking again.

 

“Shh.” Jiyong tried to calm him down by tightening his arms and pressing his lips into his, wanting him to know that he was here. He was right here for him. “I know that there’s gonna be pain but I also know that after it will come some of the greatest pleasure we’ve ever experienced.”

 

Seunghyun shuddered and shook his head. Jiyong thought it was him shaking all of his thoughts out, and it must have worked because the next thing he knew, the older boy was turning around and crawling on top of him. He didn’t speak anymore and let their bodies do the talking. Seunghyun pressed Jiyong down and moved his lips across his neck. Jiyong had already unbuttoned his shirt so there was nothing to get in the way as he moved lower and lower. Jiyong’s heart was racing a mile a minute and if he didn’t know any better, he would have that that he was having a heart attack.

 

In a very ungraceful manner, Seunghyun tried undoing Jiyong’s pants, but his hands were still trembling so much. Jiyong felt the struggle. He quickly undid them and shimmied out of them and tossed them to the corner. While doing so, he made a comment that he shouldn’t be the only one losing clothes, so Seunghyun too took off his shirt and pants and they both moved back to the futon.

 

Jiyong could tell that Seunghyun was still a nervous wreck, so he decided on the best way to get him to relax.

 

“Lay down,” he commanded and Seunghun followed.

 

He lowered himself down in front of his crotch and saw that he was starting to get hard. Jiyong palmed the hardness through the fabric of his boxers and he heard the older boy gasp. He let his hands do all the work, until he knew that Seunghyun was shaking for a different reason.

 

“Please.” Jiyong heard Seunghyun beg. “Please do something.”

 

“Like what?” Jiyong played. He liked hearing his boyfriend beg as he moved his hand up and down his dick.

 

Seunghyun threw his arm over his eyes and mumbled, “Just suck me off!”

 

Smirking, Jiyong didn’t waste any time and tugged the boxers off his boyfriend and then lowered his mouth to his straining cock. He licked his tongue along the underside and heard Seunghyun moan. He moved faster, trying to draw out all the nervousness surrounding them, until he felt Seunghyun’s hands in his hair.

 

“Stop, Ji. Please stop,” Seunghyun pleaded.

 

“Why?” Jiyong asked, bringing his head up, and wiping some saliva from the corner of his mouth.

 

“I just don’t want to come yet,” he shyly admitted.

 

Jiyong nodded and they sat in an awkward silence for a minute, gathering their thoughts. He decided to lay down next to Seunghyun, while he calmed down. Seunghyun smiled at feeling the younger boys eyes on him and then finally he rolled over and captured his lips. Pulling away just as fast, Jiyong said, “I have dick breath, remember?”

 

Seunghyun smirked. “I don’t care,” he said and rolled completely on top of him.

 

He pulled Jiyong’s shirt off of him and then moved to tug the only clothing left between them: Jiyong’s boxers. Before he removed those, he mimicked what Jiyong did to him and rubbed his boyfriend hardening length beneath the fabric.

 

“God, that feels good,” Jiyong admitted. And then Seunghyun took mercy on him and finished taking it off.

 

The younger boy was now laid out before him with nothing on. His cheeks were red. His chest rising and falling and his cock was now out for him to see. If Seunghyun was freaked out before they started all of this, then now he was on full panic mode. His hands started quaking again and his eyes kept roving over Jiyong, waiting for a clue as to what to do next.

 

Luckily, Jiyong could somehow read his mind and he said, “Grab the lube. You need to prepare me.”

 

Seunghyun turned and grabbed the bottle. He stared at it for a minute, still in awe that this was happening.

 

“Jiyong- I,” he fumbled.

 

“Just pour some on your fingers and then… You know,” the younger boy said and he could hear the desperation in his voice.

 

Seunghyun pulled Jiyong’s legs into his lap so they could be closer and again did as he was told. He poured the thick substance over his index finger and also quickly remembered one of the websites he read and it said to also put some lube on his hole. So he squeezed some and watched it cover Jiyong’s small opening. Jiyong hissed at the coldness of the lube but soon enough he felt Seunghyun pushing his finger tip inside him.

 

Seunghyun knew that he had to go slow but when he heard Jiyong hitch his breath, he completely stopped.

 

“Did I hurt you?” he immediately asked.

 

“Not really. It just hurts a little.” Jiyong said, keeping his eyes shut.

 

“O-okay, I’ll go slower.”

 

Jiyong felt him remove the tip of his finger and then press back in ever so slowly. It was driving him insane, but as he felt Seunghyun’s finger push deeper, the pain was starting to cloud his mind. However he knew that if he spoke up again, Seunghyun would stop, and that was the last thing he wanted, so he decided to push through the pain.

 

However, it didn’t last that long. When Seunghyun had somewhat successfully entered his whole finger, he pulled it out and tried to add his second one. This time it was so painful for Jiyong that he cried out.

 

Seunghyun pulled out as fast as he could saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

“No,” Jiyong pleaded. “No, don’t stop. I can get through it. Just keep going.”

 

“Not if you’re in this much pain. I won’t.”

 

“Dammit, Seunghyun, it’s supposed to hurt. Just keep moving your fingers.” Jiyong gripped the bed trying to prepare himself for more pain. However, when he didn’t feel Seunghyun’s touch again he looked up. “Come on, do it.”

 

Seunghyun’s hands were still trembling and his face was distraught as he whispered, “No.”

 

“What?”

 

“I can’t, Jiyong. You’re in so much pain and it’s just my fingers.”

 

“I’m telling you it’s okay. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

 

“But how are you fine when I’m not even doing anything and your face already starts contorting into pain,” Seunghyun growled in frustration. He took a deep breath and wiped his fingers onto the mattress trying to get the lube off.

 

“I… I don’t think I can do this.”

 

Jiyong’s heart stopped. “What do you mean?”

 

“I can’t do… this,” Seunghyun waved his hands towards the bed. “I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

 

Jiyong sat up and crawled over to his side. “It’s okay, I think I can do it myself,” he offered in a low tone.

 

Seunghyun shook his head and stood up. He reached for his pants, put them on and started pacing in circles again, leaving Jiyong sitting on the bed. “I just don’t think I can do any of this right now. I am so confused. My mind is spinning and I can’t think straight,” he said without looking at the boy on the bed.

 

 

“What?” Jiyong asked, but it was almost silent because his voice seemed to disappear at Seunghyun’s confession. “What you mean you’re confused? Are you confused about us? About me? About this?” Jiyong threw out, trying to grasp for any answers.

 

Seunghyun shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. He refused to look at Jiyong all this time but finally he moved his head to meet his eyes. Jiyong could see that he was one the verge of breaking down. His chest was heaving and his whole body was shaking.

 

“Seunghyun,” he said quietly. “Seunghyun, just come back and sit next to me.” He could hear his own voice was wavering just as much as his boyfriend’s.

 

Seunghyun clamped his eyes shut and shook his head before he reached down, picked up his shirt and ran down the steps, out into the night.

 

Jiyong sat frozen on the bed, clutching the edge of the mattress as he watched Seunghyun walk away. When he could no longer hear the boy’s footsteps, he crumpled onto his side. He couldn’t breathe and when he tried to suck in a breath, his body shut down. That was when he realized that his tears had already started to fall.

 

 

~

 

Two days later

 

Seunghyun pulled up into his driveway and put the truck into park. He sat in the vehicle, trying to put his thoughts in order, even though his three hour drive should have given him plenty of time to do that. Knowing that it was just better to get up and do it rather than going through all the scenarios in his head, he shut the car off and got out. He took one step at a time to make sure that the was really doing this and before he knew it, he was already at the front door of the Lee’s house.

 

His hand shook as he brought it up to ring the doorbell and when he pressed it, his heart jumped up to his throat. A minute passed until he finally heard the shuffle of someone behind the door and then they opened it.

 

He let out the breath that he was holding and smiled.

 

“Hello, Mrs. Lee, I came to speak to Jiyong.”

 

The older woman’s, face softened, but then turned quizzical. “I thought he said he told you.”

 

“Told me what?” Seunghyun asked. He suddenly felt a toxic pit forming in his stomach.

 

“Dear, Jiyong left to go back to Atlanta yesterday. Something about his art program starting.”

 

Seunghyun felt his knees shake and it took all his strength to not fall over. “Y-you mean he left? He’s gone?”

 

“Yes, sweetie. But I thought you knew. He said that he told you yesterday before he had left.”

 

He shook his head as he gathered his voice.

 

“No. I got a call from my mother on Saturday morning saying they forgot something for the wedding. I had to drive to Knoxville and I stayed for the night. I’m just getting back now.”

 

Mrs. Lee looked truly confused as she spoke again, “Well, that’s curious. I could have sworn… But he was acting very strange yesterday. But then again, I never know what’s goin’ on in his head.” Seunghyun stared at her not knowing what to do as she continued, “I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye, but if he calls I’ll be sure to tell him you stopped by askin’ for him.”

 

“Thank you, ma’am,” he quietly replied and stood there as she shut the door.

 

He lifelessly walked back to his house but as soon as the door closed behind him, he fell to the floor and finally let his tears fall.

 

Jiyong was gone and was probably never coming back. And it was all his fault.


	9. Back to Reality

Jiyong had fallen into a routine. Wake up, make coffee, and then go outside to the porch and contemplate what the hell he was doing. It had already been three days since he, his grandfather, and Seunghyun had gone on that fishing trip. That was three days since he agreed to talk with Seunghyun. And that was three days he been actually avoiding talking to him.

 

He would see Seunghyun every morning, getting into his beat up old truck and driving off to some unknown job. Every time Jiyong would release his held breath. No matter what he had agreed to the other day, he knew he wasn’t ready for any kind of talk that the older man wanted to have. Of course, it had been six years since everything happened, but that still didn’t make being around Seunghyun any less painful. He knew that coming here was going to stir up all of his pent up emotions that he had been trying to ignore these past few years, but he just didn’t want to face them yet. He wanted to ignore them as long as he could and he was determined to do so.

 

He attempted to take another sip of his already cold coffee, but realized that there was nothing left on the bottom of the cup. He got up and went inside to see what his grandmother was cooking for breakfast. It was nothing fancy, just bacon, eggs, and biscuits, but that didn’t stop him from devouring every last bite. He needed the energy for the whole day.

 

Yesterday, while he was watching some old documentary with his grandfather, the older woman came into the living room and asked if he could help her with something today. He agreed, not really caring what it was as long as it was something to do. Two weeks into being back, he was starting to become bored already, and that was something he did not need.

 

When they finished breakfast, Jiyong offered to do the dishes, insisting that he still needed to earn his keep no matter what his grandmother said. When he was done, she said that they would head out in a couple minutes.

 

“So where are we headed to Grandma?” Jiyong asked as he clicked the seatbelt into the buckle and then put the car into reverse, starting to back out of the driveway.

 

“The community center,” she told him.

 

He nodded and continued on down the road once he got directions on where the community center actually was.

 

“What’s going on there today?” he asked.

 

“There’s a committee meeting this morning.”

 

“Committee? For what?” he asked curiously.

 

“The county fair.”

 

“The county fair?” Jiyong questioned back as he flashed her a puzzled look.

 

“Yes sir,” she said and nodded.

 

Jiyong turned right once they got to the light and continued on with the conversation. “Why the county fair, I thought it comes in March?”

 

“Not for a few years, we changed it to the summer time so that the kids could enjoy it more. Although-” she chuckled- “I think the old women of the town just wanted an excuse to have more people see who's pie is the best in the baking contest.”

 

“Yours will always be the best in my book, Grandma,” Jiyong said, trying to sweet talk her.

 

“Now don’t be expectin’ a pie when you get home after you said that,” she fired back and shook her head with a smile on her face.

 

“Well they are,” Jiyong fought defenselessly. “And I haven’t had one in forever,” he said extra sweetly, trying to coax her into making one.

 

“We’ll see, but I’m not making any promises, ya hear?”

 

Jiyong laughed at the older woman’s antics and after another 10 minutes of talk about pies, they pulled up to the community center parking lot that was packed with cars. Making their way inside, Jiyong saw what looked like half of the old people of the town, with the exception of a couple middle-aged folks. There were chairs lined up in rows facing the stage and Jiyong’s grandmother shooed him into one of them so they could sit down.

 

The meeting began with the chairman coming up to the podium and talking about what was on the agenda today. Jiyong kept looking around trying to find any clue as to why he was here because his grandmother decided to keep that part of the trip a secret. Random people would come up, one after the other, and talk about the bake sale, the rides, the food vendors, even some of the animal judging and Jiyong was just about to fall asleep when his grandmother pinched him on the cheek and hissed, “Boy, you better wake up.”

 

He shot up straight as a pole while whispering his apologies to the older woman.

 

“I’m sorry grandma, but what am I even doing here?”

 

“Just you wait. You’ll see in a minute,” she said and patted his knee.

 

After another two people did their spiels, one of the middle-aged men got up and started talking about the volunteers that they would need for the two weeks before the fair opened.

 

“This,” his grandmother murmured. “They need people to help set up the grounds and get it ready, and I want you to volunteer.”

 

“Why?” he questioned but as soon as he said it he knew the older woman was about to slap him.

 

“Because I am your grandmother and I am asking you to, that’s why. And you’ve been moping around the house for the past few days, for God knows what reason, and I think this will be good for you. A chance to get out of the house. Get some fresh air and clear your mind. That’s why you wanted to come up here, wasn’t it?”

 

Jiyong could only nod. His grandmother was right and it kind of pissed him off at how obvious he was that ever she could pick up on his foul mood these past couple days. And as he mulled it over, he decided that helping out wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Like she said; a chance to get out of the house and away from everything.

 

“Alright, I’ll do it.”

 

“Great!” she smiled and took his hand in hers, squeezing her appreciation into it.

 

Jiyong listened to the man talk about all that they had planned to do for the preparations, trying to figure out what he was physically capable of. No matter how much his grandmother wanted him to help, he was still a city boy who could never compete with the guys out here in the country. When the man finished, he said that there would be a sign up sheet for anyone who wanted to help, and then left the stage only to be replaced by yet another person.

 

Luckily, that person was the last one, which was why he slightly paid attention to her. She said something about an auctioning fundraiser for the Miller family, who had lost part of their house in a storm about a month ago, but Jiyong was distracted when his stomach started to growl. He fished out his phone and saw that two and a half hours had passed and it was pushing 11:30. He was getting hungry for lunch and by the grace of all the gods, once the meeting ended, the chairman stood back up and said, “Now if ya’ll would like, some of the ladies have prepared a simple lunch for you folks. Go on and help yourselves. And don’t forget to see the leaders of the group to sign up for the special events.”

 

Everyone proceeded to the back of the hall and started forming lines to grab their food. Jiyong laughed as he watched the older people move as fast as they could so they can be in the front of the line. He decided to stand back and let them go first, knowing that it was better not to get in the way or risk of being lectured at for disrespecting elders or something.

 

Once he was able to load up a plate with half a sandwich, potato salad, and cookies he made his way over to the drink table to grab a lemonade, but he stopped half way there. Over off to the side, talking to the chairman was Seunghyun.

 

Jiyong started to panic. He wasn’t ready to talk to him and especially not in front of all these people. He prayed that he could grab his drink and find his grandmother without the older man seeing. He took quick steps, grabbed a drink and immediately turned around; right smack dab into someone else. It looked like he was destined to be some cosmic joke, because he knew someone out there was surely having fun pulling him around like some puppet.

 

He rapidly apologized to the man he had run into, and thankfully the drink didn’t spill on either of them, just the floor, however both their plates had joined the lemonade. Jiyong fell to the ground, trying to clean everything up when another pair of hands joined him in his efforts. He looked up and started saying, “Thank-“ but he words died out when he saw Seunghyun was the owner of said hands.

 

“I got it,” Jiyong said through tight lips.

 

“It’s okay, I’m here already,” Seunghyun retorted and gave him a sympathetic smile.

 

For some reason Jiyong’s blood started boiling. Maybe it was because he was thrown off guard that Seunghyun was here, and right in front of him, or maybe it was the fact that it felt like he was completely helpless in front of his ex-boyfriend. Whatever the reason was, it didn’t stop him from saying through clenched teeth, “Seunghyun, I can take care of it myself. Just get out of here.”

 

He grabbed the napkins that the older man was holding and finished soaking up the lemonade, then picked up the rest of the mess and walked to the opposite side of the room, as far away from him as possible. His embarrassing encounter, made him lose his appetite, so he proceeded to look for his grandmother. He found her signing some of the signup sheets and he waited until she was done to tell her that he wanted to leave. She was confused but didn’t press the issue and for the entire ride home they sat in silence.

 

~

 

The following Monday was when preparation for the fair was starting and Jiyong was more than ready to throw himself into mindless work. He needed to do something, anything, so he could stop constantly replaying all the moments when he had encountered Seunghyun up until now. This wasn’t how he wanted this summer to be, but really, he didn’t know what he was expecting it to be. All he knew was that it wasn’t supposed to be this.

 

Getting directions from his grandfather, he jumped into his car and drove to the city fairgrounds to start his day’s work. When he got there, he introduced himself to the man he saw at the meeting and he put him to work right away. Apparently, his grandmother had told the man, whose name Jiyong found out was Dave, that he was an artsy person. So Jiyong’s first job was to help repaint some of the old stalls for the different activities booths. He sighed in relief, fearing that he would have to use power tools, something that he knew nothing about, to build something he didn’t know how to build. Finding his work area, he met a few fellow volunteers and jumped right into where they needed him.

 

At midday, everyone took an hour break for lunch and Jiyong found himself craving a big juicy cheeseburger, so he hopped into his car and drove to the closest burger joint. He found one and noticed some familiar faces from the fairgrounds that apparently had the same idea as him. When he got out of the car, some of them recognized him as well and asked if he wanted to join them.

 

It’s better than eating alone, he thought. And I might as well try and make some new friends since I am going to be spending the next couple weeks with them.

 

He had a great time; everyone was friendly and welcoming. As soon as he told them who his grandparents were, they all nodded and praised them as great and caring people. When lunch was over they all headed back to the site and continued working for the day. Jiyong was able to finish two stalls and not once did Seunghyun enter his mind the entire time.

 

~

 

The next day was just as great, Jiyong went and painted and didn’t let anything distract him all day except when someone mentioned that Dave had ordered barbeque for everyone. That was a welcome distraction. He and some of the other painters, Sally and Mrs. Dawson, were walking over to the tent with the food when he heard something that caught his attention.

 

“Yeah, man, I don’t know what’s up with Seunghyun lately,” a bodiless voice said on the other side of a pile of plywood.

 

“Dude, I know! Ever since a couple weeks ago, he’s been all stoic and brooding. Has he said anything to you?” another voice asked.

 

Jiyong had come to a complete stop and suddenly found himself hanging on every word these men said.

 

“No. He doesn’t talk much. To anyone really. But, I mean we used to be really close back in the day, but now…” the person sighed, “You know I hate to say it but ever since you know- that- happened, he’s distanced himself from us.”

 

“Yeah, I know what you mean, I wonder if it’s because… oh shit-,” the other voice abruptly stopped.

 

Jiyong wanted to climb over and tell them to continue their conversation because he was now glued to it and was desperate to hear what they had to say. But their next words almost made him run in the opposite direction.

 

“Hey, Seunghyun,” the first voice said a little too cheerfully.

 

“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late.”

 

Jiyong didn’t know what to do so he just stayed put and hoped that they wouldn’t notice him if they turned the corner.

 

“Naw, man, you’re just in time for lunch.”

 

“Great!”

 

Jiyong could hear that they were about to come face to face and he just didn’t want that to happen, so trying to stay as calm as possible, he swiftly walked passed them and met up with Sally in the food line.

 

“Wait a minute, isn’t that Jiyong?” He heard one of the voices ask and he winced, but he refused to turn around.

 

“Hey, Jiyong!”

 

He sucked in a deep breath and put tried to look confused as he turned around to see who was calling him.

 

“Hey, it is you! Do you remember me? Liam? We used to play football during the summer when we were in high school.”

 

Jiyong felt like he should try going up for an Oscar with how well he pulled off the conversation that followed. He pretended to still look confused but then acted like realization struck him and he said hello to Liam, taking note that the other man next to him was the other voice he had heard and he too was one of the boys that he used to play football with. The man that he completely ignored, however, was behind both of them, and he still didn’t want to talk to him.

 

“Seunghyun, why didn’t you tell us Jiyong was back in town? We could’ve had a party or something,” Liam chided.

 

“Sorry,” he said, although Jiyong could hear it in his voice that he really wasn’t. “I thought I told you guys. But Jiyong’s been kind of busy so he probably wouldn’t have come anyway.”

 

Again, Seunghyun seemed to say something that set Jiyong off. He wanted to scream that the older man knew nothing about him anymore so how would he know that he wouldn’t have come? But alas, this was Seunghyun after all, and his words were only too true.

 

“Yeah, sorry guys. My grandparents have been keeping me busy since I got to town. But it’s good to see ya’ll.” Jiyong said, hoping to sound sincere.

 

The other man, clapped his hand on his shoulder saying, “Yeah, man, it’s great to see you too. You definitely don’t look the same.”

 

Jiyong smirked. “Seriously? I think I still fit into the same clothes that I wore back then.”

 

He didn’t want to let the other men know that he and Seunghyun weren’t exactly talking again, so he tried making small conversation.

 

“No,” Liam started, “You grew up. You sure aren’t that scrawny kid anymore. You filled out good.”

 

The corners of Jiyong’s mouth twitched upwards. “Thanks, you guys seem to be doing well too.”

 

“Yep, Robert here-” Liam threw his arm around the other man- “got married 3 years ago and already has a kid, and I just got engaged a while back. The wedding is gonna be next year.”

 

“Wow, that’s great! Congratulations!” Jiyong didn’t have to act out his surprise, he was genuinely happy for the guys even though he barely knew them. He had already seen plenty of his own friends settle down and it made him remember how much he wished he could do the same. At that moment his body betrayed him and he glanced up at Seunghyun for a quick second. To his shock, the older man was already staring at him and he swiftly looked away with his heart beat starting to pick up.

 

“Enough chit chat,” Robert said. “Let’s grab some of this barbeque, I’m starving.”

 

The men playfully turned Jiyong around and shoved him forward towards the small buffet of food and they proceeded to fill their plates. Before they could invite him to eat with them, Jiyong threw out some excuse of needing to finish up quickly on a project and rushed to go eat in silence, as far away from them and Seunghyun as possible.

 

~

 

For the rest of the week, Jiyong made it a point to stay away from the rest of the volunteers in fear of running into Seunghyun. He had found out from harmlessly asking around, that Seunghyun would come and help in the afternoon, after his morning shift at the auto shop and he wanted to avoid any form of confrontation if he could. And it seemed to help that him and Seunghyun both had completely opposite jobs at the fairgrounds. Jiyong would paint and organize and put together smaller things, while the older man was preoccupied with building the new barn for the animal showing on the other end of the property.

 

However, despite how much he tried avoiding the man, sometimes he would have to go over to that side and ask to borrow some of their tools. And a couple of times, Jiyong was forced to ask no one other than Seunghyun himself.

 

“Can I have a couple more screws,” he grumbled in Seunghyun’s general direction.

 

The older man didn’t reveal any sign of emotion as he went to a bucket and picked up a handful, but he didn’t hand them over just yet.

 

“When are you going to stop this?” he asked.

 

Jiyong looked up and narrowed his eyes because of the sun shining directly into his face as he rebutted, “Stop what?”

 

“Avoiding me. You said we would talk.”

 

Jiyong was hot and sweaty from being outside all day and this was not what he wanted to do at this moment.He puffed his cheeks, forcing his breath out while he wiped the sweat from his brow and said, “I’m not doing this right now.”

 

“Then when?” Seunghyun asked, and Jiyong watched as his jaw clenched. He was frustrated and Jiyong was enjoying it.

 

“I don’t know. Look, just give me the damn screws so we can both go back to work.” He threw out his hand so he could take them from Seunghyun.

 

The older man breathed in deeply while his eyes roamed all across Jiyong’s face. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but Jiyong put up all his defenses so he wouldn’t let him find it. It must have worked too, because Seunghyun aggressively put the screws into his hand and as quickly as he came, Jiyong spun around, leaving Seunghyun to watch him walk away yet again.

 

~

 

Jiyong thought that when the weekend came it would be better for his mental state because it was much easier avoiding Seunghyun while he was locked up in his house. His grandmother asked him if he was starting to come down with something, but he just threw her a half assed excuse about being exhausted from working so hard at the fairgrounds. She laughed, but ended up leaving him to his own devices for the rest of the weekend.

 

He should have known that the new week was going to be hell, because from the moment he woke up and went to start work, he felt something in the air. He couldn’t explain it, almost like the saying that you ears are burning so someone must be talking about you, but in his case, he felt like his whole body was on fire. Maybe it had something to do with the summer heat - the forecast did say that they expected some pretty bad highs today - but still, Jiyong felt put off.

 

And the feeling stayed with him throughout his time working. He must have tripped half a dozen time or smashed a hammer into his thumb and even spilt a whole bucket of paint over the sign he had just finished painting. Whatever was going on, Jiyong was pleading that it would go away soon.

 

A break seemed to come to him in food form when Mrs. Dawson brought a special batch of her snicker doodles just for their group. Jiyong easily ate five right off the plate and all the other volunteers laughed at how much he resembled a starved pig. He didn’t care though; the cookies were heaven. When there were nothing but crumbs left, one of the older men asked Mrs. Dawson why she didn’t bake enough for the other volunteers, and she shyly smiled and said, “Now how come you know me too well? I have a three baskets full of cookies in my car. Dave would have my head if he knew I spoiled ya’ll and not them.”

 

She then turned to Jiyong and asked, “Dear, would you help me take the rest over to the others? You need to work off the ones you ate.” She joked, and laughed with her wiry white hair bouncing around.

 

Jiyong laughed as well and knew he couldn’t deny her request no matter how much he didn’t want to go over there. They went and grabbed the baskets from the car and walked over to the barn that was nearing completion.

 

“Boys!” Mrs. Dawson called out to everyone. “Who wants a small sweet treat?”

 

All the men stopped working and swarmed around her and Jiyong. He felt like cat in a crowd full of dogs with the way they all grabbed the cookies, but it made him smile thinking how a batch of cookies can turn just about anyone back into a kid.

 

All the men were praising and thanking them for the snack when another man hollered, “Ma’am some of the boys went to go replenish our water supply. They should be down by the some of the food vendor stalls. I’m sure they don’t want to miss out on these.”

 

Now that the man had said it, Jiyong finally noticed that Seunghyun wasn’t amongst the crowd.

 

“Alright, I’ll make sure they get some too. Now get on and finish up the mighty fine barn, okay?” she said.

 

A chorus of “Yes ma’am’”s sounded back at them and then Mrs. Dawson reached for Jiyong to help her walk back to their area. On the way she asked, “Would you mind taking these to the rest of ‘em? I don’t think my legs will let me walk all the way over there.”

 

Begrudgingly, Jiyong nodded. He didn’t want to speak because he was afraid that the older woman would hear how much he did not want to go over there. But she smiled up at him and patted his hand, allowing him to leave her side and walk over there.

 

It wasn’t hard to find where the other men were because they were the only voices on this side of grounds. One of the older men say him first and asked, “Whatcha got there?”

 

“Some of Mrs. Dawson’s snickerdoodles,” Jiyong replied and lifted the basket up to show them and just like before, the couple of men surrounded him, save for Seunghyun.

 

His curiosity got the best of him and before he could stop himself, he piped up and asked, “Where’s Seunghyun?

 

“Oh, the ice machine in this stall wasn’t working so he went to go find another one down that way,” he finished by pointing off to his right.

 

Jiyong nodded in understanding but didn’t move.

 

When the guy noticed that Jiyong wasn’t moving he questioned, “Aren’t you going to give him some too?”

 

“O-oh, yeah, right,” he stuttered and started walking in that direction, scolding himself for even mentioning the older man’s name.

 

He went in silence, figuring that Seunghyun would be making enough noise for him to find where he was. But after a couple minutes, he got frustrated and decided to just call out the older man’s name.

 

“Seunghyun?” He paused, waiting for an answer; he didn’t hear one. “Seunghyun, I have-“

 

“I’m here, Luke wha-“ Seunghyun had walked out of one of the stalls and stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide. “Jiyong? What are you doing here?”

 

Jiyong rolled his eyes and threw the basket in front of him and recited his little speech. “Mrs. Dawson made snickerdoodles and the other guys wouldn’t let me leave until you got some.”

 

He watched Seunghyun’s shoulders slump. Jiyong knew he was hoping for something else but he wasn’t ready to give it to him. Seunghyun reached for a cookie in the basket and as soon as he pulled it out, Jiyong turned on his heel and started to walk away.

 

“Jiyong, wait!” Seunghyun moved as fast as lightning and jumped in front of him, blocking his way. When he tried to go around him Seunghyun put up his hands to stop him, saying, “Please, just wait. We need to talk.”

 

“Not now Seunghyun.” Jiyong said and crossed his arms, letting the basket dangle at his hip.

 

“If not now, then when? Hmm? You’ve been back for almost a month now and you still won’t talk to me.”

 

“Yeah, so? What if I don’t actually want to talk. What if I have nothing to say?”

 

Seunghyun dropped the cookie and clenched his fists “Damn it Jiyong, I know you have a million things to say, I mean- God! You’ve been gone for six years!”

 

“AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?” Jiyong shouted back. His anger was building up and he could feel it starting to ooze out of him.

 

Before Seunghyun could say anything back, they both heard another voice calling Seunghyun and trying to find out where he was. The older man didn’t want Jiyong to run away because of this distraction, so he brought his hand up and covered the younger man’s mouth while his other arm slipped around his waist and pulled him into a small opening between buildings to hide.

 

Jiyong didn’t have time to process what was happening. He was too caught up with being pressed up against a wall by Seunghyun’s body, while the older man whispered into his ear.

 

“Be quiet. We’re not done talking.”

 

Jiyong didn’t move. He was overwhelmed with Seunghyun’s scent enveloping him, his breath tickling his neck, and even the tight grasp his fingers had on his waist. He was on the verge of collapsing. Seunghyun smelled like sawdust and sweat; the two scents that made up his teenage summers as they hung out in the old barn. It made his deep, buried feelings, come erupting out of his heart, so much so, that it physically hurt. All of this was too much for him. After six years, he was finally in the arms of Seunghyun, but he wasn’t prepared for this, no matter how much he tried to convince himself.

 

The other man continued to call out for Seunghyun until it was a soft murmur in the distance. Jiyong was starting to see stars in the corner of his eyes because Seunghyun was pressing too tightly against his chest. He tried wiggling out of his grasp and the older man got the hint and lowered his hand from Jiyong’s mouth. But they both were still very much aware of the arm around his waist and their bodies pressed together.

 

Jiyong took in slow breaths, trying to gain some oxygen back to his deprived brain so he could think straight, but the way Seunghyun was staring at him was making it almost impossible.

 

After a few seconds, Seunghyun broke the silence. “Sorry,” he mumbled and licked his lips. “I just didn’t want you to run away again.”

 

Jiyong was still very much uncomfortable; hearing and feeling Seunghyun this close to him was making his heart beat out of his chest.

 

The older man softened his features and continued, “Please, please Jiyong just talk to me.”

 

When he finished, he brought his free hand back up and cupped Jiyong’s cheek.

 

“You have no idea how much I hate myself for what happened. But please let’s talk. I need you to hear me out,” he said and Jiyong could hear the agony and guilt in his words.

 

He looked into Seunghyun’s eyes and saw how his words matched his face. To him, it looked like the older man was about to break down any second. He felt Seunghyun’s fingers tighten and loosen their grip over and over again and it took him back to when they were together. It was a habit of Seunghyun’s whenever he held him. And Jiyong tried his best to not let a shudder pass over him, so instead he sucked in his breath and bit his lip needing some sort of distraction.

 

Seunghyun clamped his eyes shut and blinked back tears as he leaned forward to press their foreheads together.

 

“Please Jiyong. Please say something. Anything.”

 

He heard the hitch in Seunghyun’s voice as he pleaded. Watching every flutter Seunghyun’s eyes made, Jiyong watched as something passed through him then. He felt the hand on his cheek move down and Seunghyun’s thumb slide to his lip to pull it from behind his teeth. The older man was no longer looking into Jiyong’s eyes, instead he had become fixated on Jiyong’s lips as his thumb continued to ghost over them.

 

The shudder Jiyong had been holding back finally tore through his body, and just when Seunghyun was leaning down to press their lips together, he ripped himself away. But the older man was faster. He felt the movement and grasped onto Jiyong’s forearm to stop him yet again.

 

Jiyong writhed, trying to break his arm loose from Seunghyun’s grip.

 

“Let go of me,” he demanded and after another move, he was slipped from the older man’s grasp. Then, without having a second thought he brought that fist up and punched Seunghyun in the jaw, knocking him to his knees.

 

“You have no right to touch me anymore. Not since the day you walked out on me.” Jiyong was so angered that his shoulders were rising and falling and his breaths were short and shallow. He was trying his hardest to fight back the tears that stung the corners of his eyes.

 

Seunghyun cupped his jaw and sat in shock from what just happened. He was completely speechless as all his previous thoughts were scrambled around his brain after the punch. He assuaged his jaw, opening and closing it a couple of times to see how bad the damage was.When he felt a sharp pain, he knew there was going to be one hell of a bruise in the morning.

 

When he finally stopped seeing two of everything, he slowly stood up and faced Jiyong. He hoped to see the younger man regretting what he had just done, but the person that looked back at him was nothing like the Jiyong he knew. He was aware he had fucked up when he was younger. He wanted to tell Jiyong everything, but if this was how he was going to react, he might end up in the hospital by the time he was done.

 

“Jiyong, I’m sorry,” he offered.

 

But Jiyong wasn’t going to take it.

 

“Sorry doesn’t cut anymore, Seunghyun,” he seethed, articulating every single word and putting all his bitterness behind the older man’s name.

 

Then he walked away, leaving him to be consumed all over again by the overwhelming guilt. He was so pissed off at himself and Jiyong and this whole mess of a situation. And just like Jiyong, he felt like punching something. His fist collided with a wooden post that held up a sign for the fair and pain shot through him as he shouted into the afternoon sun while kicking the dirt around his feet until he slumped down to his knees. His entire body shut down and his vision went blurry. He brought his hand up to his face to rub his eyes and that was when he felt the tears running down his face.

 

~

 

Jiyong made sure that he wouldn’t run into Seunghyun for the rest of the time he volunteered. He avoided any small job that required going outside, as his group had moved into the small building where the arts and crafts show and cooking competitions were to be held. They spent the rest of the week setting up the entries, dividing them up into different sections. There were some really beautiful pieces of art that he helped hang as well as some things that he did not want to know what they were made out of.

 

By Thursday, they had finished setting up everything in the fair grounds. A few rides were around the area, some animals were sleeping in the barns that had been finished, and all the stalls that Jiyong helped paint looked great. After they were done for that day, Jiyong was walking out to his car in the parking lot when he heard his name being called. When he turned around he saw that it was the coordinator, Dave.

 

“Jiyong, can I ask you for a favor?”

 

“Sure, what do you need?”

 

“I got a call earlier today from our activities director and it seems like the face painter that we hired had some family emergency come up and I remembered your work on some of the signs for the fair. Would you mind filling in for her? Of course we’ll pay you and everything and you wouldn’t have to do anything fancy, just simple designs for the kids.”

 

Jiyong didn’t really have to think about it. He could tell by the look in Dave’s eyes that he was desperate and he did not mind at all. He liked kids and thought it would be fun if he could put a smile on their faces by painting a butterfly or a tiger on them.

 

“Of course, I don’t mind at all. When do you need me?”

 

“Well, tomorrow and Saturday we have off and then the fair opens Sunday after church. So how does Sunday through Friday from 2 p.m. -7 p.m. and then Saturday 2 p.m. -9 p.m. sound?”

 

“Sounds good. But just wondering, why seven hours on Saturday?”

 

“We have the auction that night so more people will be here.”

 

Jiyong nodded in understanding but then thought about something. “Um, sir, one thing. I don’t have any face paint.”

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll buy some and have it ready for you when you come on Sunday.”

 

“Okay, see you then,” he said and opened his car door.

 

“Thank you, Jiyong. You have been a great help,” Dave said and smiled.

 

Jiyong smiled back and climbed into his car to finally go home.

 

He spent his days off being lazy. He would sleep most of the day and when his grandfather would yell at him, he would whine about how much hard work he did at the fairgrounds, to which the old man would just roll his eyes and go back to his book.

 

~

 

When Sunday came around Jiyong thought it would be a good idea to use the very outdated computer that his grandparents had to look up some simple designs for the face painting he would be doing later. After taking more than 20 minutes to find 3 different ones he printed them off and headed over to the fairgrounds.

 

When he arrived, he found Dave who walked him over to a little station set up for him with paint, brushes, and mirrors all on a table with chairs under a tent. Jiyong noticed to that his table was right next to a fresh lemonade stand, to which he was very happy about that. Who wouldn’t love fresh lemonade whenever they wanted?

 

After he thanked Dave, and Dave thanked him, he started setting up and organizing the paint. By two o’clock, the first few people trickled in. He wasn’t very busy but there was enough work to keep him occupied. The kids that came were adorable and all too excited to get their face painted. One girl asked him why he didn’t have any face paint on his face and he replied that he liked all the designs too much to choose. The little girl giggled and said he was silly and said that she wanted to choose one for him. So he held out the design sheets and she pointed to a purple and pink flower and then pointed to just under the corner of his eye and said that it should go there.

 

He chuckled and approved and then asked her which one she wanted. She picked the same flower and said that they could match. His smile widened as he agreed, and then he picked up the paint and started painting on her small rosy cheek. When he finished, she said that she wanted to watch and make sure that he would do the flower too. He picked up the mirror and proceed to paint the same flower on his own cheek. When he was through, he set the mirror down and leaned towards the girl, asking her how she liked it. She giggled some more and then wrapped her little arms around his neck. He laughed and gently squeezed back. Her parents thanked him many times and he said that he was all too happy to do it, seeing her smile was enough to make his week.

 

After they left, it was about 5 in the afternoon and Jiyong asked his new friend, Mary, a girl just a few years older, at the lemonade stand next to him, if he could have a drink. She nodded and went to make one for him. He tried paying, but she said he deserved it for all his hard work. Smiling, he thanked her and put the straw in his mouth to take a huge gulp of the ice-cold drink. However, as his eyes scanned the crowd, they stopped on an all too recognizable figure just a few yards away.

 

Seunghyun was over by a hot-dog stand wearing his bright green volunteer shirt, fitted dark jeans, and his work boots. He had the sleeves rolled up a little till they came up and hugged his biceps. Jiyong’s mind went blank and suddenly the perfect happy mood that he was in was shattered in a blink. Because no matter how good Seunghyun looked in such a simple outfit, the only thing that stood out was the nasty purple, blue, and yellow bruise that was on the older man’s jaw.

 

His drink soured in his mouth and he set it down on the table next to him. A huge sense of guilt consumed him as he saw the aftermath of what had happened the other day. He was still very shaken at what Seunghyun tried to do, and a part of him truly believed that he had gotten what he deserved. But then another part of him thought that no one deserved to get punched.

 

When Mary noticed that Jiyong was distracted, she leaned over the counter and said, “Ah, Seunghyun… Is that who you’re staring at?”

 

Jiyong quickly shook his head in denial and looked to her. “N-no, I wasn’t.”

 

“He is some nice eye candy,” she said as she continued to stare in the man’s direction and rested her head on her propped up arm. “Too bad for those rumors…”

 

“What rumors?” Jiyong was now very interested in what she had to say.

 

“Oh, you didn’t hear?” She took her eyes off of Seunghyun and looked to Jiyong. “There were some rumors a few years ago that um… well… that he didn’t have a girlfriend for a reason.” She said, and made sure to emphasize the gender.

 

Jiyong’s eyes widened and his palms starting sweating. “Y-you mean he’s-“

 

“Gay,” Mary inserted. “Well let’s just say that when the rumors started going around, he didn’t deny them. I heard he got a lot of shit for it. You know, being in this small town and all. People are ignorant.”

 

Jiyong’s mouth was hanging open and he didn’t know what to think, let alone how to respond. So all he could muster was a small, “Oh”, and then looked back in Seunghyun’s direction, trying to see if he could put some of the pieces together of the new information. As he kept looking in his direction, he saw Seunghyun receive his order and smile to whoever gave it to him, or at least as much as he could with his injured jaw. He then watched him step to the side to put his desired toppings on and even from where he sat, Jiyong knew; ketchup, mayo and onions. He never changed. When he finished with topping his hot dog, Seunghyun turned around and leaned against the counter as he ate his small dinner.

 

Jiyong saw as Seunghyun swept his eyes over the crowd, just like he had done. He was gazing at people passing by, and Jiyong saw a small smile in the corner of the older man’s mouth.

 

He must be having a good day, Jiyong thought, which for some reason made him smile in response. Seunghyun’s eyes kept wandering around until they slowly made their way to Jiyong’s direction. The younger man sucked in a breath as their gazes locked from across the distance. Jiyong felt his palms become more sweaty. Seunghyun finished chewing and swallowed quickly. Jiyong felt his heartbeat pick up and his eyes darted to the older man’s jaw once more. He tried not to show what he was thinking but something must have passed through as Seunghyun continued to look at him because he scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion.

 

Their gaze connection was broken by a little boy coming up to Jiyong asking if he could be a Batman. Jiyong turned his full attention to him, saying that he could have anything he wanted. However, as he got the paint ready, he flicked his eyes to see if Seunghyun was still looking at him, because he could feel the man’s eyes on him, but when he looked, the man was gone.

 

And that was when Jiyong realized it. He wanted Seunghyun to look at him.

 

~

 

After that day, no matter what, Seunghyun seemed to always go to the same hot dog stand for dinner and despite himself, Jiyong would count down the seconds hoping that he wouldn’t be too busy with a kid. On Friday night, Jiyong was in the middle of painting a beautiful swirls in the corners of a little girl’s eyes . She kept giggling every time his brush would pass over a certain spot and sometimes he would tease her just to hear her sweet laughter.

 

This entire week had been so amazing just for the fact that he found himself smiling more than he had in the past years, or longer. He figured it out the other morning when he woke up and his cheeks hurt but once he discovered the cause, he could wait to continue. When he was done with the little girl he smiled at her and told her how beautiful she looked, her parents reminded her to say thank you and as she walked away Jiyong’s eyes drifted across the distance. And he was there, watching his every move, except this time. Jiyong didn’t let his smile fade. He looked to Seunghyun and as the older man realized that Jiyong wasn’t turning cold towards him, his eyes widened and he stood up straight in a fluster, almost knocking over his soda.

 

Jiyong stifled a laugh at his antic to try and right the drink and when Seunghyun looked back he showed a barely there smile to him in return. He didn’t try and come to talk to Jiyong after that, and Jiyong admitted that he was a little disappointed, but couldn’t dwell on it too much.

 

Baby steps. He reminded himself. Baby steps.

 

~

 

The next morning at breakfast, Jiyong’s grandmother made an alarming at the table and Jiyong almost spat out his eggs at her words.

 

“Jiyong, remember I put you up for the auction tonight, alright?”

 

“What?” He exclaimed once he was able to breathe.

 

“The auction. I signed you up to be in it, remember?”

 

“Grandma, I have no idea what you are talking about. And I can’t be in an auction. For pete’s sake, I’m a person.”

 

“Oh, dear, it’s not like that. It’s a work auction. The young people of the community volunteer for the auction and then others bid for their services, like helping with yard work or babysitting, and the proceeds will go to the Millers to help rebuild their house,” she explained.

 

Jiyong hummed in understanding but then confessed, “I don’t mind helping out, but Grandma, you never talked to me about it.”

 

“I didn’t?” her features turned sympathetic. “I’m so sorry, I thought I did! Well, anyway, it starts at 8 in the big tent in the center of the grounds. We’ll be there around 7 because your grandfather has been craving some good ol’ fair food,” she said and patted her husband on the hand that was on the table.

 

When Jiyong arrived at the fairgrounds that day he could tell that it was going to be busy, and sure enough it was. He even had a line of 10 kids for an hour at one point. It helped pass the time and before he knew it, it was almost 6 o’clock. Jiyong sighed as he said good bye to the last kid in his line and he sat back in his chair; exhausted.

 

“Whew,” he huffed out and heard Mary in the stall next to him, laugh.

 

“That was quite a rush you had there,” she commented.

 

He wiped the sweat from his brow using his forearm knowing that his hands were covered in paint, and said, “Yeah, that was pretty crazy.”

 

He knew that it was past the time that Seunghyun usually came over and when he looked, his thoughts were proven right, he wasn’t there. But it reminded him of how hungry he actually was, so he cleaned his hands off with the already dirty rag and then walked over to the food stands. He found a place that served funnel cakes and as soon as he saw it, he knew he needed the sugar covered dough.

 

While he waited for it, he heard something that caught his attention off to his left.

 

“What’s the fag doing here?”

 

The voice belonged to a man who was a walking definition of redneck. He had a cut off flannel shirt with ripped jeans and several missing teeth. Jiyong flushed and suddenly he felt scared because he thought the man was talking about him. But as Jiyong looked closer, he saw that the man was looking at two other men standing together at a beer stand. And one of them was Seunghyun.

 

“Is that your boyfriend, fag?” The man asked again. As his gaze looked Seunghyun and Robert, the man Jiyong had met the other week, up and down.

 

Jiyong was frozen in his spot as he watched the scene unfold. In a split second, Robert threw his beer down and flung himself at the man who was insulting them, yelling, “He’s more of a man then you will ever be,” while Seunghyun was using all his strength trying to hold him back.

 

The crowd around them quickly dispersed, not wanting to be associated with this fight and its context. The man just sneered and spit on the ground at Seunghyun’s feet as he walked away.

 

“Your order’s ready,” a voice right next to Jiyong said, breaking him from his concentration.

 

“O-oh ok, thank you,” he said and took the plate only to bring his attention back to where it was and he heard Seunghyun talking to Robert.

 

“Robert- Robert, calm down. It’s ok, don’t worry about,” Seunghyun said as his hands gripped onto the man’s shoulders.

 

“It’s okay? It’s okay?” Robert’s chest was moving up and down from trying to get calm. “You heard what he called you, right?”

 

Seunghyun curtly nodded. “And you’re not going to do anything about it?”

 

“There’s no point. I’m used to it here. Just forget about it,” he asked his friend and when Robert seemed to want to go after the guy more, Seunghyun placed his palm against the center of his chest and pushed slightly and asked once again, “Please?”

 

Robert nodded and ran his hands through his hair to calm himself down more while Seunghyun looked around to see how many people had actually seen. And that was when he saw Jiyong staring at him. His jaw slacked in shock for a moment before he found himself walking towards the younger man.

 

“How much did you see?” he asked.

 

“All of it,” Jiyong admitted apologetically.

 

He looked at Seunghyun and saw how shaken the encounter made him.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said and then ran his hand over his face.

 

“I didn’t know… I mean… you-“ Jiyong’s mind was on overload. When he had talked to Mary the other day about ‘the rumors’ he didn’t actually accept they were true. He thought that she was just very intuitive about people. But now that he had heard a complete stranger yell the obscenities, he couldn’t believe it.

 

Seunghyun was gay. And people actually knew it.

 

All these years, he had thought that the whole reason Seunghyun had left him was because he didn’t want him because he was a guy. But now… All these people knew. And that pissed him off in the worst way. They knew, but the one person who supposedly had meant so much to Seunghyun all those years ago, didn’t.

 

Jiyong felt his body start to shake with anger and finally he whispered, “H-how could you?”

 

“What?” Seunghyun asked, and Jiyong could tell he genuinely didn’t know what he had said but he simply didn’t care.

 

“How could you,” he spoke louder. “After all these years?

 

Seunghyun tried to pull Jiyong off to the side so that they could finally go talk but Jiyong ripped his arm away, yet again and refused.

 

“No Seunghyun,” and in a more hushed tone he continued, “we wouldn’t want these people getting the wrong idea about us, would we?”

 

“Damnit Jiyong, would you just let me explain?”

 

“No. I have to get back to work,” he said and left the older man for what felt like the thousandth time.

 

~

 

Jiyong continued painting in a mindless state. The kids, although still cute, couldn’t bring a true smile to his face. He would play along, but his thoughts were occupied with Seunghyun and how all of his belief about him and their relationship had just been thrown out the window.

 

In no time, his grandparents came and found him to tell him that it was almost time for the auction. Jiyong tried to fool them by joking around with them.

 

“Pops, you should hire someone to do the chores since I might not be available anymore.”

 

“Naw,” the older man laughed. “I already hired someone for my project and he’s way better with power tools than you.”

 

“Hey now, I learned a few things while I volunteered here,” Jiyong added.

 

“But do you know how to help fix a house?” his grandfather questioned back.

 

“Ehh, not so much, I guess,” Jiyong admitted. “But whose house are you fixing?”

 

“Oh, right, remember that storm the other night? We saw it on the television but none of it actually made it our way.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well one of my friends who co-owns that lake house with me, you know the lake next to it that we always go fishing in? Well part of that house was damaged and I told him that I know just the guy to fix it.”

 

“Oh, okay. Sorry to hear about that. I hope it gets fixed quickly. I liked that place,” Jiyong said and he finished just as they got to the tent where the auction was happening.

 

“I’m sure it will be perfect once he’s done with it,” his grandfather assured him.

 

Being curious Jiyong asked, “Who did you hire?”

 

His grandfather smiled, “Seunghyun of course.”

 

Jiyong tripped over his own feet; he was still jittery at even the mention of his name.

 

“S-Seunghyun?”

 

“Yep, and he’s gonna start tomorrow. Now get in there and get in line before it’s too late,” his grandfather chided to which Jiyong could only obey.

 

The auction was simple enough to understand. There was a board of volunteers that were up for bid and underneath they had their skills and jobs they were willing to help with; most common being yard work, housework ,cooking and childcare. Jiyong saw that the list was long so he was kind of hoping that since he was towards the bottom of the list, no one would really buy him and with that thought he got in line, waiting for his turn to go up front.

 

All of the bids started at $20 and he observed that they went up in incriminates of $5. Most bids went up to about $30-$40 and one young lady who was there for child care, had a bidding war that went up to $60. She must have been amazing because several people looked disappointed they didn’t get her. About half an hour passed and they had already made it through most of the list and in no time, Jiyong found himself waiting to go up next.

 

He looked out into the audience and saw his grandparents; giving them a small wave and then when he heard his name, he wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and stepped forward. Giving the audience a nervous smile he stepped up to the mic, to properly introduce himself as the Lees’ grandson, Jiyong. He heard murmurs of “Hello”s from the audience and then the auctioneer announced that he was willing to do almost anything outside or in, including preparing meals. He snickered at that, knowing that that was his grandmother’s doing. She wanted to gloat that her grandson was a good cook.

 

The auctioneer said, “Alright let’s start at the usual, $20.”

 

A woman raised her hand and said, “$20”

 

And then it started. Jiyong got up to $40 when someone from the back whom he couldn’t see said, “$45.”

 

Then another person said, “$50”

 

Jiyong smiled proudly, he didn’t expect to be this popular.

 

“$100,” the voice from the back called out again.

 

People started stirring in their seats to turn to see who jumped to such a high price and when he heard the crowd start to murmur even louder than before, he suddenly had a sick feeling pass over him.

 

“Would the man who bid $100, please move forward?” the auctioneer asked.

 

Jiyong knees almost buckled as he watched Seunghyun emerge from the crowd with a blank look on his face that looked straight into him.

 

“A-alright,” the auctioneer stuttered. “Do I hear $105?”

 

He couldn’t come up with a reason as to why Seunghyun was doing this and it drove him absolutely insane. Jiyong looked around hoping that this was not happening and that someone would be able to see the distress on his face and save him from this inevitable fate. When he saw no one, he looked back to Seunghyun who stood right in front of him, still not taking his eyes off of him.

 

“$100…”

 

Seunghyun lifted his arms up crossing them in front of his chest and gave Jiyong a knowing look saying, ‘Try and get out of this now; with all these witnesses around.’

 

“Going once…” the auctioneer announced.

 

Jiyong clamped his eyes shut.

 

“Going twice…”

 

He didn’t ever want to wake up from this nightmare. He wasn’t ready.

 

“Sold!” the auctioneer confirmed as he smashed down the gavel onto his podium. And Jiyong felt like he had just smashed his heart with it.

 


	10. The Lake House

As soon as they moved on to the next person to be auctioned off, Jiyong sprinted to the back of the tent and out into the grounds. He was shaking, his head was spinning, and he felt like he was going to be sick any second. When he tried closing his eyes to stop the world from turning on its side, the lights from the ferris wheel burned themselves to the inside of his eye lids. He kept seeing flashes of color and hearing the loud noises that surrounded him until he finally couldn’t take it anymore. Finding a bench a few feet away, he sat down and put his head between his legs and tried to start breathing again.

 

“That didn’t just happen. That didn’t just happen,” he repeated to himself over and over again. He was at a complete loss as to why Seunghyun had just done that in front of basically the whole town. He knew, somewhere in the depths of his frazzled mind, that the man was making a point to try and force him to talk. Jiyong thought that after these past two weeks they were making some form of progress, well more like he was the one making progress. But what scared him the most of this whole situation, was that he was no longer in control.

 

This entire trip, he had tried so hard to stay in control of his feeling and emotions, and tried even harder to control every little encounter he had with Seunghyun, just so he wouldn’t fall back into being that little, hurt, and scared teenage boy that he used to be. However, as soon as he came within five feet of Seunghyun, all of his walls would start to crumble. And every time, he desperately tried to build them back up as fast as he could.

 

“Jiyong,” a voice called off in the distance. But he didn’t have to raise his head to know who it was. “Jiyong where are y-“

 

The younger man stood up and backed away from Seunghyun’s approaching form.

 

He felt defenseless and every word that he spoke was laced with anguish.

 

“Why?” he choked out. “Why did you have to do that?”

 

Seunghyun stepped closer but Jiyong flinched backwards at the advance, so Seunghyun slowly put his hands up to show that he was surrendering.

 

“I did it so that you would finally talk to me. You’ve been hot and cold all summer and avoiding me and I got fed up with chasing you around. I just want to talk and explain everything.”

 

Jiyong felt stinging in the corners of his eyes and he pressed the heels of his palms into them so he wouldn’t cry. He strained to save face. He wasn’t going to let himself breakdown right here and now.

 

“Dammit!” he yelled, cursing himself. He didn’t want it to be like this. He hated how he felt right now. And he sensed that his outburst had caused people to take notice of him. “I know I’ve been avoiding you, and I know we need to talk-,” his voice shook as he took a deep breath. “- but you had no right to pull that shit in there. My grandparents were in there for god’s sake!”

 

“I had no other choice! You kept running away every time I even looked at you-“

 

“Then what was I doing this past week?” Jiyong interjected, starting to get some of his fight back in him. “Hm? Did I run away all those times you came over to eat dinner right in front of me?”

 

“No, but you didn’t even try to come to talk to me either,” Seunghyun threw back, his voice getting angrier.

 

Jiyong winced at the man’s harsh tone but he knew he deserved it. When he opened his eyes, he looked around trying to find something to distract himself and calm down, but what he saw was a few people standing around and watching their interaction.

 

Seunghyun could feel Jiyong was shutting himself off yet again and he stepped closer to try and stop him from doing that.

 

Taking in a deep breath he said, “None of this is going like I planned. I’ve been picturing this conversation thousands of times, but never like this.” He finished by bringing up his hand to squeeze Jiyong’s upper arms.

 

For a second, Jiyong wanted to sigh in relief at having Seunghyun touch him so gently, letting him know that he was still right in front of him. But as the gazes of the onlookers bore deeper holes into his back, he shook out of the older man’s grasp only to wrap his arms around himself.

 

“Seunghyun,” Jiyong begged and shut his eyes, almost as if he was praying. “Please, not here. Anywhere but here. People are watching…”

 

The older man finally took notice of the uninvited company that was surrounding them and said in a comforting voice, “Alright. Let’s go back home.”

 

Jiyong shook his head. “I can’t do this tonight. I need-,” he took a breath, “- I need to gather my thoughts.”

 

Seunghyun could hear defeat in Jiyong’s voice and he knew that this time, Jiyong would keep his word.

 

“Tomorrow?” he offered. “I have to go to the lake house to fix it up, but why don’t you come with me?”

 

He watched as Jiyong rubbed his arms, like he was trying to keep warm while contemplating the offer.

 

“Look, there won’t be anyone else there,” he said, seeing if that would entice the younger man. “So we won’t have anyone to overhear, okay?”

 

Jiyong nodded but still refused to give and answer.

 

“Look, I-,” Seunghyun took a deep breath thinking about how to say his next words without the younger man taking them the wrong way and then continued, “I-I bought you. I didn’t want to do it, but I need to talk to you and you need to talk to me as well. So let’s just use this little project that your grandfather wants me to do as an excuse, and then finally talk.”

 

Jiyong didn’t respond right away but Seunghyun saw him slowly give in as he slightly nodded his head. “O-okay.”

 

And then he swiftly turned on his heel and left.

 

Seunghyun raised his arm as if to reach out to Jiyong’s retreating form but then he felt a hand on his own back. Jumping at the touch, he looked to see who it was and saw Mrs. Lee standing beside him.

 

“Mrs. Lee?” he asked, just to make sure. His heart started racing at the thought that she heard everything.

 

Her eyes softened as he gazed at him and the she took his hand that was still hanging in the air and grasped it.

 

“Seunghyun, let him be for now. I know how much it means to you that he’s back.”

 

His breathing started to quicken and his eyes darted all over her face, trying to find out how much she knew and heard.

 

She patted his hand and a squeezed it. “Don’t fret. He’ll go with you tomorrow.”

 

Seunghyun stuttered and gaped at the older woman. “D-Do you kn-“

 

She held up her had to silence him and said, “I have no idea what’s happened between the two of you. All I know is that he was his happiest when you two were teens. I just want my grandbaby to be happy again.” She gave him one more squeeze and then left to go find her husband.

 

Seunghyun sat down on the bench and ran his hands over his face, thinking about what the older woman just admitted. He wondered how much she actually knew about what happened between them, but by the looks of it, she didn’t care. She wanted Jiyong to be happy and if Seunghyun was able to be the cause of that happiness, then he was more than willing to sacrifice anything to get it.

 

He decided, once he had finally calmed down, that it would be best to head home and to get some sleep. It was going to be a long day tomorrow and he didn’t want to risk a sleepless night to make it worse. That last thing he wanted was to have another fight with Jiyong, just because he only got a couple hours of sleep. So he went home, had a quick shower, and took some sleep aid medicine to ensure a full night’s rest.

 

~

 

The next day Seunghyun woke up to the smell of cinnamon floating throughout the house. Throwing on a basic white shirt and sleep pants, he went downstairs and found the delectable source: his mother had made cinnamon rolls.

 

Walking into the kitchen, he kissed her on the cheek and said, “They smell amazing, mom.”

 

She smiled and replied, “Just thought you would like some breakfast before you go out to the lake house. And I made extra so you can take some with you.”

 

“Thanks,” he mumbled while he started making his coffee. Despite not having any caffeine yet, his body felt like it was coursing with electricity at the thought of what today would bring. He was nervous, terrified, and excited all rolled into one.

 

His mother announced that the rolls had cooled off enough for them to eat and he scarfed it down within seconds, wanting to officially start his day as fast as he could, with Jiyong, even if he did have to buy him. Bolting back upstairs, he changed into some pants that he could work in, but decided to keep his white shirt on, and went outside to check if he still had all the tools he needed for the day. When he was outside though, he got sidetracked by the sudden movement in the corner of his eye. He looked over and noticed that the porch swing at the Lee’s house was moving back and forth. Slowly he walked closer until he saw that the person occupying the swing was in fact Jiyong.

 

“Hey,” he said in a soft voice as not to startle the man too much.

 

It didn’t work however because Jiyong jumped about two feet into the air, clutching his chest. “Shit!” He tried calming his heartbeat down and looked to Seunghyun. “I didn’t hear you come over.”

 

Seunghyun offered a small smile as an apology and said, “Sorry.” He opened the screened door and walked in. “I saw the swing moving and wanted to see if it was you.”

 

Jiyong gave a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s okay.”

 

Looking into his cup Jiyong said, “I’m just about done with my coffee…” He paused, not really knowing what to say and killed time by rubbing some of the sleep out of his eyes. “When did you want to leave?”

 

Seunghyun’s heart started beating faster. Jiyong looked so much like the boy from all those summers ago when they would wake up together. His hands itched to move the hair that had fallen into his eyes, wanting to feel the warmth of his skin next to his if only for a moment.

 

When Jiyong looked back to him, waiting for an answer he stuttered, “Uh… um… a-any time. Whenever you’re ready.”

 

The younger man nodded and wrapped the blanket he had more tightly around himself.

 

“Alright. Let me take a shower. I’ll meet you in like half an hour.”

 

He stood up and started moving towards the small stairs that went up to the back door when Seunghyun spoke up again.

 

“Jiyong,” the younger man turned around with is hand on the door knob and Seunghyun felt his heart race again. “T-thank you.”

 

Jiyong narrowed his eyes in confusion but Seunghyun answered his unspoken question. “For doing this today.”

 

Jiyong was still for a few seconds more and then gave a small nod. “See you in a bit.” And then continued in the house.

 

~

 

Seunghyun was leaning against his truck when he saw Jiyong emerge from the house next door. He smiled warmly, thinking that the younger man wouldn’t come out and that Jiyong was going to run away again, but no, not this time. The younger man walked towards him, dressed in fitted worn out jeans and a simple red t-shirt as he carried what looked liked a basket.

 

“Grandma was cooking all morning and I didn’t know what for until I was walking out the door.” He held up the basket, “She made fried chicken and potato salad for us for lunch.”

 

“Wow, that was really nice of her.” Even to his own ears he could hear that he was just a little too enthusiastic. He tried playing it off and cleared his throat while turning to open the door. “Well if you’re ready, let’s go.”

 

Jiyong walked around to the passenger side of the truck and climbed in setting the basket in between him and Seunghyun, creating a little barrier. Seunghyun frowned slightly at it but he knew that it was still awkward for the both of them at this point. And he prayed that after today, it will be completely different.

 

They drove through town headed towards the interstate when Seunghyun remembered something. “Hey,” he leaned down to the cup holder and pulled out the thermos, handing it to Jiyong. “You looked really tired this morning so I brought you some more coffee.”

 

Again, Jiyong smiled but Seunghyun knew it wasn’t a true smile.

 

“Thanks.”

 

And that was pretty much the whole conversation for the rest of the car ride. Seunghyun stopped at a small gas station and told Jiyong that he wanted to run in and grab some bottles of water for them for the day. He asked if he wanted anything and the younger man shook his head. However, when he was inside getting the water he saw Jiyong come into the store and pick out a jug of iced tea. When Jiyong saw that he was caught he stumbled out an excuse, “I-uh… I thought it would be good to go with our lunch.”

 

Seunghyun chuckled and went back to gathering the bottles of water and then took them to the counter to pay for everything. Jiyong tried to pay for the tea but Seunghyun took it from him and placed it next to the water and handed the clerk some cash. He also caught the barely there smile from the younger man.

 

They got back on the road and within another forty-five minutes they arrived at the lake house. Jiyong gasped as he saw the damage that had been done to the roof on the left hand side as well as the damage that continued down the house.

 

“What happened?” he asked as he helped grab things from the truck to take them inside.

 

“Well, that storm that happened a while back caused a tornado and the winds ripped off some of the roof. The damage on the side of the house is from debris, I think,” Seunghyun explained.

 

As they set the items on the counter, Seunghyun could feel how hot it was inside the small building, so he went to find a fan that he knew was somewhere in the house. When he got back he saw that Jiyong was already putting the food into the fridge and he decided to go out and get the rest of his tools so he wouldn’t be in his way. Setting the tool box on the floor of the living room he heard Jiyong ask, “Are we going to fix everything today?”

 

Seunghyun quietly laughed. “No, there’s too much. But we need to focus on repairing the roof first and cleaning out the room below the damage. I’ve heard that we’re supposed to have some pretty bad storms later this week and I don’t want the house to flood.”

 

Jiyong nodded and shoved his hands in his back pockets, not knowing what to do next. But Seunghyun asked him to grab the other box that was still in the truck and to meet him upstairs.

 

As he waited for the younger man to return, he went into the room and saw the sun pouring in from the gaping hole. There were leaves and branches everywhere with a few bugs crawling about here and there. Thankfully, the door to the room was shut the entire time since the damage because it helped keep everything contained to this room, leaving him with less work. He heard Jiyong come up the stairs and into the room, setting down the his box next to the other one.

 

“Shit…” Jiyong cursed as he looked up. “Are you sure we can fix that?”

 

Seunghyun nodded. “Yeah, it’ll take a while, but we’ll get it done eventually.” He walked toward Jiyong and saw as his eyes widened at the sudden advance. Seunghyun crouched down and opened his tool box.

 

Jiyong stood there not knowing what to do or how to help really so he suggested, “Why don’t I go find a broom and try to get the debris out of here.”

 

“Alright, sounds good,” Seunghyun said as he looked up to him and smiled gently.

 

Jiyong bit his lip for a second and then went to go locate a broom. Seunghyun pulled out his measuring tape and pulled the desk from the corner of the room to under the hole so he could stand on top of it and measure how wide it was. While he was taking all of the measurements, Jiyong came back and started cleaning around the room, so that he could have a clutter-free space to work.

 

They worked in silence for the most part. Seunghyun would ask Jiyong to hand him a tool or Jiyong would ask him to move a little bit, so he could clean around him. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as Seunghyun thought it would be. After working under the sun for a while, Seunghyun decided that he was going to try and find a ladder from the shed out back so he could climb onto the roof to put a tarp over the hole. When he found one he grabbed the giant grey tarp and hauled it up to the roof.

 

He stuck his head through the opening and said, “Hey, Jiyong, can you pass me some of those screws?”

 

Jiyong looked up to where the voice was coming from and quickly shot out, “What they hell are you doing up there?”

 

“I need to cover the hole so nothing else gets inside. Plus, it’ll make some shade so it won’t be so hot,” Seunghyun replied. He watched as Jiyong fiddled with his hands nervously while looking at him.

 

“J-Just be careful, okay?” He said, as he went to grab the screws and Seunghyun’s power drill.

 

Stepping on the table, Jiyong cautiously handed Seunghyun the supplies. When the older man reached for the drill, his hands passed over Jiyong's and it sent a shiver through him. The younger man must have felt it too because his eyes flicked to Seunghyun’s and he quickly withdrew his hand and climbed down.

 

Seunghyun let out an exasperated sigh when he stood up, knowing that Jiyong wouldn’t hear.He just wanted him to stop being so scared of him. He began to spread out the tarp and soon the hole in the roof was covered. Working around the outer edge, Seunghyun screwed down the tarp so it wouldn’t fly away and tried sealing the edges as much as he could in case it did rain.

 

When he finished he went back to the room and grabbed his small notebook that he took measurements down on and asked Jiyong to follow him. They went to his truck where he had a small table saw and some two by fours of wood.

 

Seeing Jiyong’s confused look he explained. “I need to cut some beams to replace the ones from the roof.” He felt sweat falling down the side of his temples and his hand came up automatically to wipe it away. “Let’s cut them down and take them up to the room and then we can take a break alright?”

 

“Okay,” Jiyong agreed. “But I don’t know how to use this.” he pointed to the saw.

 

Seunghyun chuckled. “It’s okay. I just need you to help mark out measurements and to steady them as I cut.”

 

“Alright.” Jiyong said as he walked toward the pile of wood in the truck.

 

Seunghyun showed him what to do and where to look in notebook for the measurements. Pulling out a beam, Seunghyun extended a measuring tape, showing Jiyong how he wanted it and then let Jiyong go on and continue marking, while he went back into the house and grabbed a sturdy enough table to hold the table saw. They eventually got into a rhythm and within half an hour all the wood was cut.

 

Jiyong tugged his shirt away from him saying, “Damn, it’s hot out here.”

 

Seunghyun laughed. “Yeah, but I bet it’s hotter in Atlanta. Don’t you have worse humidity than here?”

 

Continuing to pull at his shirt, Jiyong nodded. “Yeah, they don’t call it Hotlanta for nothing. But I guess I just got used to the weather since I’ve been here. It’s nice.” He offered a small tight smile but before Seunghyun could say anything else, Jiyong changed the subject and said, “Okay, let’s get these inside and then eat. I’m starving.”

 

Seunghyun nodded in agreement and followed after the smaller man. It was funny watching him try to carry the longer beams up the stairs and when he let out a stifling laugh, Jiyong narrowed his eyes and yelled at him.

 

“You can see me struggling here, so stop laughing and help!”

 

Seunghyun was too willing to do that, he had been simply waiting to see if Jiyong would actually ask him or not. He didn’t know what was going through the younger man’s head but so far today, things had gone pretty well. Neither of them had brought up that topic yet but Seunghyun decided it was best to let Jiyong choose the pace today.

 

Walking back down stairs Seunghyun immediately went to the sink to wash his hands while Jiyong pulled out the food Mrs. Lee prepared for them.

 

“Do you want me to heat up the chicken or do you still like it cold?”

 

Seunghyun wanted to melt at the thought that Jiyong had remembered that little fact about him. He had always preferred his leftover fried chicken cold.

 

“Whatever you like. It doesn’t matter to me,” he eventually said as Jiyong stared at him.

 

“I’ll just pop it into microwave for a bit then,” Jiyong decided and walked straight towards Seunghyun.

 

The older man’s breath caught in his throat as Jiyong stood in front of him holding the plate of chicken. Jiyong continued to look at Seunghyun until he suddenly felt defeat and looked down asking, “Well, aren’t you gonna move? The microwave is just behind you.”

 

“Oh,” Seunghyun said as he pushed himself away from the countertop. “Sorry.”

 

The rest of the time was spent in another long moment of silence while they ate in the living room. Both of them sat on opposite ends of the couch but Seunghyun saw the brighter side of it, that they were actually on the same couch was a miracle. Jiyong reached over to the coffee table and grabbed the remote, turning on the TV to probably kill time.

 

He flipped through the limited channels until he stopped on a crime drama that Seunghyun had actually been watching recently.

 

“I haven’t seen this one yet,” he interjected and took another bite of potato salad.

 

“Oh, you watch this show too?” Jiyong questioned and turned to him. Seunghyun nodded, still chewing his food.

 

“It’s a good one, the serial killer changes his appearance and-” Jiyong cut himself off and looked back to the tv with a smile starting to spread across his lips. “Sorry. I don’t want to ruin it for you. I just really like the show.”

 

“It’s okay.” Seunghyun said but felt a small burst of courage and continued, “It’s good to see you smile.”

 

The smile he had been talking about quickly disappeared as Jiyong tucked his bottom lip behind his teeth. He didn’t say anything but kept his eyes on the TV. Seunghyun felt like he may have just pushed a little too far but it was worth it for seeing that smile one more time.

 

They ended up watching the whole episode and afterwards Seunghyun said that they should get back to work. Jiyong took his plate from him and set it in the sink together with his own while Seunghyun started going up stairs to decide what to do first.

 

Eventually, he figured it out and Jiyong joined him back in the room and then they got down to repairing. Seunghyun stood up on the table, trying to hold a piece of wood up and drill at the same time, but he wasn’t coordinated enough for that. Getting frustrated by watching the older man struggle, Jiyong hopped up on the table and moved to hold the beam up. Seunghyun, who was busy putting in the screw, turned around when he’s done only to come face to face with Jiyong. He heard the younger man suck in a breath the same time he did and they just stood there, staring at each other.

 

“Thanks,” Seunghyun said, breaking the silence.

 

Jiyong’s eyes fluttered and swallowed. “No problem.”

 

Seunghyun wanted so much to crash against Jiyong at this moment and press his lips up to his. They were so close and he longed to taste him again. His mind briefly entertained the idea of whether or not he still tasted like s'mores, thinking about their first kiss. But the memory was almost too painful to dwell on any longer so he looked down and jumped off to grab another piece of wood.

 

They put up a few more beams of wood. Seunghyun made a conscious decision to stay as far away from Jiyong as he could despite being on the small table. He was screwing in the last screw when Jiyong asked, “Did you hear that?”

 

He stilled his movements, trying to listen. He was about to shrug it off as the younger man was hearing things but just as he brought the drill back up, he heard it. A large roll of thunder that sounded a little too close for comfort. Finishing up quickly he jumped down and ran to the window to look outside. He cursed himself for not noticing it sooner, but as he looked out, he saw thick black clouds coming right towards their direction.

 

“Jiyong, it looks like a pretty bad storm is coming in. Let’s go grab all the equipment from outside and bring it into the house. Hopefully, it won’t last too long and we can go back to work when it’s over.”

 

Jiyong agreed and hopped down, following Seunghyun outside. They swiftly broke everything down and as they were bringing in the last of the supplies, the skies opened up. Rain seemed to pour down in buckets and both of them got slightly wet as they rushed into the house.

 

The younger man set the tool box down on the ground and promptly used the hem of his shirt to wipe off the water from his face. Seunghyun watched as he exposed his stomach. It was a little round, but he knew the younger man was no where near being fat. The skin looked so soft and again for the second time, he found himself thinking about a past memory of when he and the boy would lay on the futon and he would rub his hands all over him because he couldn’t go a second without having the warmth of him against his fingertips.

 

Jiyong cleared his throat, breaking Seunghyun from his thoughts. He smoothed down the damp fabric over his stomach, trying to cover himself up and then hugged himself, shying away from Seunghyun as he moved to sit on the couch.

 

The rain continued to pour outside and Seunghyun thought of the room upstairs. Grabbing some pots from the kitchen, he went up and saw water dripping in from the ceiling so he set the pots on the table and ground to catch the falling water. On his way back down stairs he went into the other bedroom and found a couple of towels.

 

When he got to the couch he said, “Here,” and threw one in Jiyong’s direction.

 

Jiyong mumbled his thanks and used it to dry off his hair while watching the TV that he had apparently turned on in his absence.

 

Seunghyun then too dried himself off but as he was doing so, a sharp pain shot through his shoulder. He gasped but tried to keep it hidden from the younger man as he assuaged the joint.

 

“Are you alright?” he heard Jiyong ask.

 

Trying to play it off he said, “Yeah, I just think I overworked it today.”

 

“Oh… okay,” Jiyong said and then turned his attention back to the TV.

 

Seunghyun noticed that it was the same show from earlier and before he knew it, they had watched a whole other episode. He took a glance outside from the widow to his left and saw that the rain was still coming down hard. The tv announced that yet another episode of the show was coming on as part of some marathon so he thought it was better to continue watching it than sitting in awkward silence.

 

After another two episodes and a few glasses of sweet tea, the rain had still not let up and he was starting to get hungry again.

 

“Hey, would you want to order a pizza?”

 

Jiyong gave him a strange look and countered, “Why don’t we just go home and we can eat dinner there?”

 

Seunghyun had hoped Jiyong wouldn’t question it because he wanted to stay here as long as he could with the younger man because it was pushing five o’clock and they had yet to discuss their everything. So thinking on his feet really fast, he came up with a decent excuse.

 

“Because the rain shifts the rocks on the mountains that we drive through and there's been some recent rock slides in this area, so I don’t want to risk it.”

 

Jiyong looked shocked and Seunghyun mentally patted himself on the back for coming up with that because it seemed to deeter Jiyong from debating the issue but then he asked another question.

 

“But what about the pizza guy? Won’t he have to drive through that?”

 

Shit. Seunghyun thought but then realized that the lake house was pretty close to the town and answered, “He’d be coming from town so he wouldn’t take those roads.”

 

Jiyong nodded, taking in Seunghyun’s answer and relented. “Yeah, pizza sounds good. I think I saw some menus on the fridge, so I’ll go order.”

 

The younger man went and placed the call and when he came back to the couch he said, “It’ll be about forty minutes and it’s going to be eighteen dollars.” As he finished he pulled out his wallet and was starting to take money out but Seunghyun reached over to stop him, he didn’t want Jiyong to pay for it.

 

It was only a matter of seconds when he realized what he had done. His hand was on top of Jiyong’s. They both paused in their movement and looked to one another. The older man saw so many emotions pass in Jiyong’s eyes and it made his heart break because the most noticeable one was pain. He curled his hand instead of just touching. He was now holding it and watched as Jiyong’s eye shut.

 

The younger man took in a deep ragged breath and whispered, “Please, Seunghyun…”

 

He brought up his other hand and pulled it out of Seunghyun’s grasp and then brought his feet up onto the couch, wrapping his arms around himself as if to shield every part of his body from Seunghyun.

 

Seunghyun felt a sting in his heart watching the younger man recced into himself yet again and so he told him, “I’m not letting you leave here until we genuinely talk.”

 

Jiyong’s only response was burying his face into his knees as his last resort to hide from Seunghyun.

 

~

 

When Seunghyun heard the doorbell ring over the tv, he quickly got up and took the pizza from the rain-soaked delivery man, making sure to tip him extra for his trouble. When Seunghyun thanked him, he assured him that it was no problem but also asked, “Have you guys heard the news?”

 

Scrunching his eyebrows together, Seunghyun replied, “No, what’s going on?”

 

“There’s a tornado warning for this area. The storm seems to be getting worse.”

 

Seunghyun heard Jiyong groan from the living room at the news and he thanked the guy again for the update.

 

“Well, this is just fucking perfect,” Jiyong grumbled as Seunghyun walked past him to go to the kitchen.

 

Seunghyun grabbed a couple of plates and opened the box to start dividing slices. However, when he opened it, he saw that the pizza was covered with mushrooms; something Jiyong hated and probably forgot to ask for them to take off. So he took the liberty and did it for him, hoping that his work would be praised and he and Jiyong would be one step closer to each other.

 

“It’s not that bad. The damage is only on one side of the house so there’s a whole other room we can use to stay the night,” Seunghyun tried explaining as he walked back out and handed Jiyong his pizza.

 

He watched Jiyong stiffen at his comment but decided not to respond, instead he sat down and kept watching the tv.

 

“Um… Seunghyun?” Jiyong murmured. The older man turned to look. “Wasn’t this pizza supposed to have mushrooms?”

 

“Yeah, it did,” He gave a simple smile. “But I know you don’t like them so I took them off for you.”

 

What he saw next was not the reaction he was hoping for, it was in fact the complete opposite.

 

“I specifically ordered this pizza because it came with mushrooms,” he huffed out.

 

“But you didn’t used to like them…” Seunghyun said, he was suddenly very confused.

 

Jiyong stood up and started back towards the kitchen and said in a raised voice, “Well, I do now.” He traded out his old slices with new ones and walked back to the living room. “I wish you would just stop assuming things about me.”

 

Seunghyun stopped chewing at that moment and swallowed what was in his mouth only to fire back, “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

 

Jiyong huffed and rolled his eyes, as he took an aggressive bite out of his pizza.

 

“No, Jiyong, that’s it. I’ve had it. Don’t just ignore me like you’ve been doing all summer. I would have known your fucking preference of pizza if you would have said more that three words to me all summer. But no! You just give me the cold shoulder and continued on like nothing happened.”

 

Jiyong threw down his pizza onto it’s plate and stood up, pointing at Seunghyun.

 

“Act like nothing happened? Act like nothing happened?” His voice almost cracked at the end. “If anyone is to blame for acting, it’s you, because all this time you’ve done nothing but act around me.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” It was Seunghyun’s turn to stand up, as he abandoned his pizza onto the coffee table. “I’ve been the one who’s been trying to get us to talk about what happened six years ago.”

 

“Fine, you want to talk? Then let’s fucking talk!” Jiyong’s chest was heaving and Seunghyun saw a flickering flame start to burn in his eyes from anger. “You left me six years ago, on a bed, naked and vulnerable. Explain to me what the fuck happened.”

 

Seunghyun suddenly lost the fight in him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to start a sentence but all the words bouncing around his head weren’t stringing together.

 

Jiyong scoffed, “See, you can’t even explain yourself. Even when we were kids you never would open yourself up to me. And again, now, when you’re the one who is demanding me to talk, you can’t.”

 

Seunghyun growled and ran his hands over his face. He was so frustrated with himself right now, he felt like punching another hole into the house.

 

Jiyong continued talking in his silence, “If I hadn’t heard that there were rumors about you and if I hadn’t seen that guy call you a fag,” his voice choked on that word, “Then I would still believe that all those years ago, you were just confused.” He ended the last word with condescendence laced within it.

 

“No- that’s not… ugh!” Seunghyun growled again. His tongue felt like it weighed a ton in his mouth. He just couldn’t get any words out and it was pissing him off so much.

 

“See, even now I can see it. You were just confused. Now and back then,” Jiyong seethed out.

 

“Jiyong, would you stop trying to think you know how I feel,” Seunghyun finally shouted back a reply.

 

“Well, if you would actually talk to me and tell me how you feel then I wouldn’t have to play this constant guessing game.”

 

“Well,” Seunghyun started, matching Jiyong’s angered tone. “If you would just shut up and listen then you would know that that’s what I’m trying to do! Yes I was confused. Who wouldn’t be when you’re that age and your whole world turns upside down. I barely knew how to have sex with a girl, so I started panicking when we got too close. I was letting my hormones control me and when it came down to getting more intimate with you I freaked out because I didn’t know what I was doing.”

 

Jiyong jaw dropped. “And you think I did?”

 

“Well… yes. You already knew that you liked guys but I had just come to the realization in only a couple months. And I didn’t want to lose you again so I jumped in without really thinking. I was just a stupid horny teenager!”

 

“So you’re saying,” Jiyong’s voice got extremely low and calm. “That everything we had back then was just hormones?”

 

“Yes… no…” Seunghyun stumbled out trying to save this dying conversation. “I’m saying that I was afraid of losing my best friend, and scared of the way I was feeling about you.”

 

“And what was it exactly that you felt? Hmm?” Jiyong’s voice dropped out and he paused, taking a shuddering breath before uttering his next words. When he looked to Seunghyun, the older man saw his eyes becoming watery as he choked out, “Did you know that the entire time we were together you never once said you loved me.”

 

Seunghyun felt like he was going to pass out from the guilt that crushed down on him from Jiyong’s admission. A slide show of all those summers flipped by in his mind and he quickly realized that Jiyong’s words were true, he couldn’t even remember telling Jiyong anything of how he was feeling, and he never did say that he loved him. But he also saw the reason why.

 

Slowly he built up the courage to say his next words, he sat back down on the couch, not looking at Jiyong and said, “It was because I didn’t love you.”

 

“Wha-” Jiyong’s voice got stuck in his throat. “What did you say?”

 

Still not looking at him, because knew how shattered Jiyong must be looking right now, he explained. “I was a teenager, in my first major relationship. I was letting my body control me. I-” he took a breath, “-I was just on the verge of having sex for the first time and I was scared out of my mind. I was suddenly terrified that I wasn’t going to be good or live up to expectations because you had already been with someone. I was also scared that I would hurt you and you would change your mind about be me because I wasn’t good. It may not seem like a good excuse now, but then, for me, it was. And I was petrified. I-I knew I had strong feelings for you... but looking back at it now... I wouldn’t call it love.”

 

Seunghyun heard something drop to the floor and when he looked over he saw that it was actually Jiyong who had fallen to his knees. He had fallen onto all fours and the older man could see him shaking followed by the sound of crying soon after. Seunghyun wanted so bad to go over and scoop him up in his arm and tell him the rest of his story but he knew that if he even moved an inch closer, Jiyong would probably run away again. After what seemed like a lifetime, Jiyong finally lifted himself up and rested on his knees. He wiped away the tears from his face and Seunghyun saw the fire from earlier rage back to life in his eyes.

 

“You destroyed me, Seunghyun! Do you know how much of a disaster I was after that night? I thought you hated me and us and what we were. I thought I wasn't touchable after that.” Jiyong pounded on his own chest. “I thought that I was something no one would love. Because why would they, when the love of your life walks out on you.”

 

He sucked in another ragged breath and continued with tears streaming down his face. “You were like an earthquake. I completely fell apart after that. I couldn't do anything. I never went to that art program. I stopped doing art altogether. I even tried to have another relationship but I realized that I was too scared to get intimate with anyone because of what you did to me that night.” He sucked in his breath and wiped his eyes again. “I waited hours after that. I waited all night for you to come back.”

 

“AND I WAITED SIX YEARS FOR YOU TO COME BACK!” Seunghyun yelled. He knew that Jiyong was in pain but suddenly he wanted to tell Jiyong how much pain he had gone through, to prove that he wasn’t the only one suffering.

 

“I waited every fucking day for two summers for you to come back. I called and e-mailed you but you never answered me. And then-” He stopped himself and inhaled deeply. “And then I got into an accident.” He let his confession hang in the air.

 

Jiyong furrowed his eyebrows and tried to ask what happened, but Seunghyun shook his head and looked to his hands. “One of the horses I was riding got spooked and threw me off it and into a barbed wire fence.” He heard Jiyong inhale a short breath but continued with his story. “I was in the hospital for weeks. And for some stupid reason,” Seunghyun pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to stop tears from falling, “Every time I closed my eyes I dreamed of you. I dreamed that you somehow heard about what happened to me, and that you came to my bedside. That you returned to me. But every time I opened my eyes you weren’t there and I had to relive the fact that you would never come back over and over again.”

 

“Seung-Seunghyun, I didn’t know…” Jiyong spoke in a soft voice.

 

“Of course you didn’t know,” Seunghyun fired back. “You thought you were the only one who was abandoned that summer. But you weren’t.”

 

“Well you never came to see me after that either. I waited a whole day for you to come over and explain yourself,” Jiyong argued, still kneeling on the floor.

 

All of a sudden, something in the far recesses of Seunghyun’s memory clicked back together. “I-I left town the next morning…” he said more to himself as he continued to look at the floor, remembering those couple of days. “I got a call from mom saying she forgot something important so I had to drive to Knoxville…. And then she made me spend the night there.”

 

“Did you even think about trying to call me back then?” Jiyong asked and Seunghyun could feel the sarcasm in his voice.

 

Seunghyun clenched his jaw and continued, “I did try to call you and tell you what happened. But you wouldn’t answer your phone. And then finally when I got back home, I went to go find you only to hear from your grandmother that you fucking left town!”

 

He finally had the courage to face Jiyong again but when their eyes connected, Jiyong shied away and looked the other direction.

 

“You’ve been gone for six years Jiyong. Six years,” Seunghyun repeated, his voice gained some steadiness back.

 

“Yeah?” Jiyong stood up and went over by the window to watch the raging storm outside. “And what have you been doing in those six years for people in this town to think you’re gay?”

 

Seunghyun felt his stomach drop. He didn’t want to tell this part of his story just yet. His palms started sweating so he rubbed them dry on his jeans and took a deep breath before he explained.

 

“After my accident, I came to realize that you weren’t coming back. I was hurting, not only from my injury, but also at the thought of never seeing you again and how you never tried to even contact me. I was pissed off and I-” He stood up and started pacing. “-I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me.”

 

He heard Jiyong scoff at that comment but they still weren’t facing one another. Seunghyun walked behind the couch and grabbed the top of it, kneading the cushion in his hands to give them something to do.

 

“I wanted to get back at you for not coming back, so I went to Nashville with a couple of friends. We got drunk at a bar and almost all of us picked up girls that night.”

 

Seunghyun chanced a glance to Jiyong and saw him wrap his arms around himself again.

 

“I thought that maybe I just needed a girl to forget everything that had happened back then. I thought that it would be the best way to erase all thoughts of you, because I couldn’t stop seeing you everywhere. So I took her to a motel and…”

 

He stopped talking at that point. He was shaking from all the emotions coursing through him, but nothing was stronger than the amount of regret that he was feeling. His knees felt like they were going to give out on him so he made his way back to sit on the couch.

 

That was when he heard Jiyong speak up. “And… what did you do, Seunghyun?” His voice sounded miles away.

 

“I-we… We didn’t do anything. We started too but I felt absolutely nothing. I thought it was that we were just too drunk so I went out another night and the same thing happened again.”

 

Seunghyun heard a curt laugh from Jiyong and he looked up again and saw the younger man shaking his head slightly and rubbing his arm.

 

“That was when I really started to believe that I was attracted to men,” Seunghyun admitted and Jiyong hugged himself tighter at the words. “I was fed up with feeling so confused about everything. I started drinking more just to numb everything out until finally I decided to go up to Nashville alone, and prove to myself that I was attracted to men. So I looked up some random gay bar online and went. The first night, I felt so out of my comfort zone that I didn’t even drink that much. But then I started going every weekend, by myself and I started to make friends there and I felt more comfortable in my own skin.”

 

Seunghyun stopped talking at that moment and ran his fingers through his hair. His heart was racing a mile a minute at the memories of those bars that he went to. He was terrified to tell Jiyong about what happened next. But he knew that he had to.

 

“Then one night, I got really drunk and I… I started making out with this random guy.”

 

Jiyong suddenly turned around and looked at Seunghyun with silent tears running down his face. His heart broke at the site but he knew that he had to get this out. “We eventually left and went to a motel and for the first time in a long time I felt good. He made me feel something that I hadn’t felt since… since…”

 

“Since me…,” Jiyong choked out. After saying those words, he slid down the wall and sat on the floor with his knees bent in front of him. And Seunghyun could hear him trying to cover up his sobs.

 

“That night and a few more weekends spent in Nashville were enough to convince me that I was attracted to men, but…”

 

He let his words hang in the air because this is what this entire story was all about and so he looked to Jiyong and said with all the confidence he could muster, “But every morning, following those drunken nights, I would dream about you, Jiyong.”

 

The younger man lifted his head at the sound of his name and stared at Seunghyun as he continued. “I would dream of us, and my mind would pretend that it was you who was lying next to me. That nothing had happened all those years ago. That you had come back and we had worked everything out and that you were mine.”

 

Seunghyun’s voice cracked at the end and he felt a tear slip from his eye. Quickly he wiped it away along with his nose. It felt so good to finally say all of this out loud. His chest felt lighter and his head started to clear but he knew that he still had many more words to say.

 

“So it took you fucking other guys to realize that you were gay?” Jiyong seethed.

 

And just like that Seunghyun’s brief bout of happiness shattered.

 

“No- well… it’s not how I meant it.” Seunghyun tried to explain.

 

“No? But that’s exactly what it is. I wasn’t good enough so you found someone else.”

 

“NO!” Seunghyun shouted, clamping his eyes shut as he stood up. “That’s not what it was, for me. It was the fact that no matter who I was with, I would always think back to you. You were the only person I ever saw when I closed my eyes. You were it, Jiyong. You… it was always you… Even now with you here, it makes me feel like that teenager again. I don't know what to say or how to act. I just know that I want to constantly be in your presence. Because that’s what you do to me. You make me feel something that no one else can. And I am still addicted to that, to you, after all these years.”

 

He crossed the room and when Jiyong saw him coming towards him, the younger man stood up, pressed up against the wall. Seunghyun felt like his skin was on fire. His head was congested with a thousand emotions and memories but he wanted to show Jiyong how he was feeling. He reached out and gently took Jiyong’s arms into his hands and became eye level with him.

 

“Jiyong, I want you to look at me. Look into my eyes and see for yourself how much you mean to me. How none of those guys meant anything to me. I want you to see how this has all hurt me in the process too. I am not the same man I used to be. And although I am not the one you think I am. I want to be a man worthy of you. Look and see how much I care for you and have come to love you over all of these years of your absence.”

 

Jiyong shuddered at the confession and Seunghyun slid his hands up to cup the younger man’s face. He watched as his words hit Jiyong like a ton of bricks. His eyes darted all over Seunghyun’s face trying to see if his words had any truth to them. Seunghyun felt him start to shake more and he could feel tears spilling from the corners of his eyes until at last he couldn’t bear it and crumpled into Seunghyun.

 

The younger man sobbed into Seunghyun chest and he could feel his small hands grasping onto his shirt. His arms wrapped around him as he tried to console him. However, Jiyong abruptly pulled away, pushing Seunghyun back and wiped the tears from his face.

 

“I can’t, Seunghyun. I can’t do this,” Jiyong said as he backed away. “It’s been so long since everything happened. You’re a different person than what I knew back then. But I feel like I haven’t changed at all. I’ve been stuck for years now.”

 

Seunghyun furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?” He stepped closer to the man and tried to reach out to touch him but Jiyong moved away.

 

“I’m talking about that,” he pointed to Seunghyun’s hands. “Every time I got close to someone back home, every time I tried to erase what happened, I would suddenly flash back to that night. Every time I would feel vulnerable and scared that every person I got close to would run away from me. I never let anyone know because of that. Trust me, I tried. I forced myself to be someone else for whoever I was with to the point of being physically sick.” He sucked in a deep breath because all of those words seemed to come pouring out in one and then he said, “You scarred me, Seunghyun. You scarred me.”

 

And with that confession, Jiyong ran upstairs, slamming the door close and shutting himself off from the world. Seunghyun stood in the living room with the rain still pouring outside and he felt like this whole situation had just come to a standstill and he doesn’t know where to go from here.

 

Hours seemed to pass by and Jiyong never came back down. Seunghyun already cleaned up their forgotten pizza as well as washed the dishes that they used throughout the day. He didn’t know what to do with himself and he found himself pacing back and forth, debating on whether or not to go talk to Jiyong or to give him his space. He decided to give him some more time by turning the TV back on, but it just became background noise because his mind kept wandering to the man upstairs.

 

After much thought and berating himself, Seunghyun stood up and slowly ascended the stairs, making his way towards the room Jiyong was in. He knocked softly, letting him know that he was right outside the door and wanting to come in. When he didn’t hear a response, Seunghyun cracked the door open and saw Jiyong laying on the bed. Taking soft steps into the room, he realized that Jiyong wasn’t just laying on the bed, he had fallen asleep.

 

Seunghyun walked over to the edge of the bed and saw redness surrounding his puffy eyes, accompanied with tear streaks down his cheeks. Jiyong’s hands clutched the sheets beneath him, even in his sleep, and Seunghyun felt like the worst human being on the globe to make such a beautiful person have this much pain evident on his face.

 

He gently brushed the hair away from Jiyong’s eyes with his own trembling hands, flitting his fingertips across the tear stains on his cheek. Seunghyun wanted so much to erase them away forever. His touch must have been felt by the younger man, because Jiyong scrunched up his eyes and his face contorted in pain while he still slept. His slight frame shuddered and without thinking about the repercussions later, Seunghyun walked to the other side of the bed and crawled in beside him. He pulled Jiyong close to him and wrapped his arms around him, hoping that Jiyong would be able to feel his tenderness and sincerity through his touch, even while he was asleep. He wanted him to feel how much he regretted everything and to feel how he didn't want to ever leave his side again. He dared to nuzzle his nose into Jiyong’s hair and smell the scent he had been missing and dreaming about all these years.

 

A few minutes passed by and Seunghyun felt Jiyong starting to stir in his arms. The younger man's smaller frame began shaking and it wasn't until he heard a hitch breath, that he realized; Jiyong was crying. Seunghyun pulled him closer and rested his nose in the crook of Jiyong's neck, letting him know that he was right here as he listened to him breakdown in his arms. And it was only a matter of moments before he too started to cry as well.

 

Jiyong must have felt his tears falling down his neck because the younger man turned in his arms and came face to face with him. Both their eyes were puffy and Jiyong tried to speak through his tight throat. Seunghyun rubbed his thumb at Jiyong's hip and the touch seemed to spark something in the younger man. Jiyong looked up and finally choked out between sobs.

 

"I don't want to feel broken anymore."

 

He buried his face into Seunghyun’s chest and cried as hard as he could. The fingers that had been crumpling the sheets were now threading themselves through Seunghyun shirt as it became drenched with Jiyong’s tears. Seunghyun cried along with him, feeling all the pain ooze out from Jiyong and himself. He gripped him tighter, wanting to show that no matter what, he wasn’t going anywhere this time.

 

Jiyong shifted and brought his head up to Seunghyun’s level and pressed his lips against his. A violent shiver went through Seunghyun at the touch of the soft lips. Pressing back, Jiyong clawed at his front and was suddenly desperate to leave no space between them. However Seunghyun didn’t want to get too carried away. He brought his hands up to cup Jiyong’s face and ever so slowly, pulled the younger man away.

 

Jiyong whimpered at the motion and clutched tighter onto Seunghyun’s shirt while he whispered, “Seung-Seunghyun,” with his voice cracking in the middle and then continued to cry.

 

"Shh shh shh," Seunghyun stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head. "Don't worry I'm not going anywhere."

 

Seunghyun shifted down and placed his lips over Jiyong’s eyes, kissing the tears away and softly said, "I just don’t want you to rush into this. You've gone through so much because of me and I can wait until you’re ready."

 

He finished his words and slid his hand around Jiyong’s thin wrist thats by his chest. His thumb skimmed across the delicate skin and he can feel Jiyong’s pulse racing. He then brings both of their hands towards his mouth and places a sweet kiss along the younger man’s knuckles.

 

“I’ve been waiting for six years to have you right in this very spot. Now you’re here. Don’t think for a second that I’m going to let you go,” Seunghyun murmured against his hand and then let it fall between them.

 

Jiyong breathed deeply, trying to regain air into his lungs and stared up to Seunghyun with wonder in his eyes until he finally asked, “Do you love me?”

 

Seunghyun lips parted for a second, taken aback by the question but answered quickly, “Yes. I love you, Jiyong.”

 

He didn’t wait for Jiyong to tell him if he loved him. He honestly didn’t care at this point because after the past couple years, when he went through all his self doubt and finally came to the conclusion that he had grown to love Jiyong, he wanted nothing more in the world to tell him that, and now he finally had.

 

Seunghyun leaned down and pressed his lips to Jiyong’s and his heart exploded when he felt the younger man press back. Their lips parted and Seunghyun tasted the sweetness of Jiyong once more. His tongue moved inside Jiyong’s mouth while Jiyong’s arms snaked their way around his waist, their lips dragged across one another, hungry to savor every taste until finally Seunghyun rolled them over and he was hovering above Jiyong.

 

Their panting breaths rushed out at each other and their faces were flushed red. Seunghyun shifted all his weight onto one arm and brought his hand up to caress his right cheek, to which Jiyong leaned into the caring touch. Seunghyun smiled at the gesture, causing Jiyong to reciprocate the smile. Not being able to bear how happy he was at the sight, Seunghyun leaned down again and pressed his lips against Jiyong’s, but this time is was a simple sweet kiss.

 

When he pulled back, Jiyong was still smiling, but his lips parted and in one breath he said, “I love you, Seunghyun.”

 

He collapsed then and it was his turn to bury himself into Jiyongs chest. “I have waited so long to hear that,” he mumbled against his sternum.

 

Jiyong ran his finger through Seunghyun’s hair as they laid on the bed. His body relaxed and welcomed the pressure of the older man on top of him. Minutes passed and then Jiyong stilled underneath him.

 

“Seunghyun?” he questioned and pulled the older man to look at him. “Why are you crying?”

 

Seunghyun brought his fingers up to his cheeks and felt the wetness. He pulled them back just to see with his own eyes and then looked to Jiyong. His eyes swelled up again and then he lowered his head back down, rubbing his nose in the middle of his chest.

 

“I’m sorry…” He mumbled almost incoherently. “I’m just so sorry.” His voice stuck in his throat but he kept repeating it over and over again. “...I’m sorry… so sorry.”

 

Wrapped in each other’s embrace, Jiyong kneaded the flesh on the back of Seunghyun’s neck until both of them drifted off to sleep, with the sound of rolling thunder clashing in the distance.


End file.
